In the "Anyone have revenge SF with OW's H?" thread, why_us wrote that "I would never be involved in an affair after I have experienced being a BS" and I agree. Yet we know that sometimes the OW in an A was previously a BW. I've even read a number of posts at TOW where the poster refers to when she was a BW. Sometimes even familiar with Marriage Builders. What makes it possible for a BW to become an OW?

Hey, BHHFS (and yes, I need another clue, please...was it nominated for an oscar?)...

To answer your question...which is a great one...justification goes that large...that formula from Gimble, an affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.

Take a lot of fuel (and a BW has that fuel), over time, harden it into entitlement through a lack of respect...well, the whole process is fantasy and generates a ton of fog.

Justifications step over reality with huge feet...feeling righteously entitled is like a drug, added to the A addiction...potent.

Takes buying into a lot of lies, constant self-deception...which is what justifications are, aren't they?

LA

A different song from the same movie won the Academy Award that year for Best Song.

I am struggling with this exact question myself. My best friend was a BS. Her XH left her while she was pregnant with their son. Here it is 2 years later and she is involved with a guy who has been married less than a year. I have talked and talked to her about it until I am blue in the face about the pain she felt and how she could possibly expose another human being to that same pain. I have not met him and do not know anything other than his first name. I have tried getting more information about him so I can expose to his poor BS but no luck yet.

I just don't understand it unless its just a complete lack of empathy.

IMO Mother Nature shuts that off, along with reasoning ability, when she gets to work building that A-bubble.

One of my good friends was a BH who I met here on MB. His WW had been an MB poster some years before, when a friend of hers became a BW and she came here to support her friend.

After being familiar with MarriageBuilders and watching her BW friend go thru a nasty divorce... this woman went off and became a WW herself... and her friend, the BW (who was also an MB poster at one time) supported her over my friend (the BH.)

Does that make sense?

Sad... and I have no explanation... except that I believe that given the right set of circumstances, everyone is vulnerable to become a WS. Even if they were previously a BS. Not everyone is strong enough to resist the temptation.

good for you for trying to get info so you can contact the BW.

I would suggest that you Plan B(cut her out of your life) this friend until she stops her affair. IMHO, there should be no room in a good person's life for adulterers. A friend that will tell you about an affair is not someone that is a true friend.

You lay down with dogs, you get fleas.

I GOT IT!!!!

Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy

Am I right? Am I right? Boo-yah! Got it, after only a bazillion clues!

Congratulations! See, I said it would be only too easy if I gave a hint or two. And now life has no more mysteries. Are you happy?!

NO WAY!!!

Absolutely NO WAY!!

CC and BHHFS...you won't believe this...I saw that movie last night.

No kidding. Just Last Night.

ROFL..."Once"

I hadn't heard of it before and only vaguely one song.

And when I saw your post, CC, wow...I heard his voice right there on the bus singing it!!!

Loved the movie.

Thank you, BHHFS! And btw, if anyone watches it, don't skip over the cover description where it says, "a musical"...like I did.

My blondeness creates many adventures.

LA

Cute movie, great music...

Until you realize that they are having an EA and you feel sick inside.

Hi BHHFSGuy -

“What makes it possible for a BW to become an OW?”

Shortly after d-day of my A, I read a book that was a woman’s journal during her PA (wish I could remember the name of it), and her psychiatrist had said to her that A’s are essentially an act of aggression.

My H and I were discussing this just the other night. He had an extended EA (although I believed it was a PA) about 10 years before my PA. It has been 6 years since my d-day, and my H still struggles with extreme anger. He feels hopeless sometimes because it has been so long, but something I realized some time ago was that I had allowed my anger to control my life for those entire 10 years (before my A) until it almost destroyed me.

That’s one reason I worry a lot about him being so angry. I know what prolonged anger can do to your entire being. When I had my A, I was not well physically, spiritually, or mentally. I had allowed myself to be consumed with anger and revenge. It’s very scary now to realize that, and I’m deeply ashamed, of course.

Anyway, that’s my experience of being a BW turned OW.


God bless,
Rose