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#2105555 08/07/08 07:13 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 1
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 1
My husband and I have been married for 18 years. 10 years ago I cheated on him. We went through counseling, and after a while the therapist said that our marriage was good but we each had our own issues to deal with.

Since then I have been in and out of therapy, and for the last few years my husband has been in therapy and on medication for depression and anger.

Last month he told me that he does'nt love me any more and wants a divorce. I knew that for the past few months we were having problems, but I did'nt see this coming and niether did his therapist.

He says that he has never been able to get over the resentment, and that is why he has been so angry all these years. He said that because he could'nt let go of the anger, it was easier to let go of me.

After reading His Needs and Her Needs, I realized that I have not been meeting his needs, and thats probably why he has not been able to let the anger and resentment go.


I truely love my husband and believe that our marriage can be saved, but he says it's too late. He does'nt love me and it does'nt matter what I do. He's just tired of being angry all the time.

We are both in counseling again. The therapist beieves that if my husband can open up again that things can be worked out. She has seen us together over the years, and believes that my husband still loves me, but it is buried under a lot of resentment. He says he's in mariage counseling to make the transition smooth, for me and the kids. He has not moved out because of financial difficulties but has moved into the den.

Is it too late? He wont even consider trying. Is there anything I can do when he wont let me meet his needs? Or is my marriage over?

Eva
In Love and Lost

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 101
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 101
I say it's not over until the ink is on the paper. Start practicing the MB principles. No LB. I bet you can guess at what his needs are after 18 years, at least the top one or two. Try meeting some of them. The quality time and SF may be a bit too much for him right now, but do what you can that he's comfortable with. If he starts retreating, don't push it. Make every encounter a positive one. At this point, what could it hurt?


Married to addict
Separated 7/08
DD1

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