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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 307
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 307 |
I am a BH with the two year mark one month away - we continue to heal. W and I had a conversation the other night, and I asked why she does not tell me she loves me anymore. I hear her say it to her parents and to our kids, but rarely to me.
As far as myself, these words have been difficult for me to say to her, it has been something I think more these days, about saying the words and meaning them. And I do say the words when I mean them. W explained that she does not want to say them, she wants to show me through her actions. She says to her they are only words. And her actions, now, are actions that show me she cares.
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Immediately after D-Day she used these words often, and I asked that she stop. They rang hollow for me at that time, they mean more to me now and I communicated this to her, but she elects not to say the words.
So I guess my question is to see if this is normal in our circumstances, and do you fake the words until they occur with meaning? What can the experienced ones here share?
CG
D-Day Sept 4th 2006 (Labor Day Holiday)
No Holiday for me...
Numerous D-Day's
BS - 50
FWS - 47
Three Children DD(26) DD(24) DS(21)
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
And I do say the words when I mean them. W explained that she does not want to say them, she wants to show me through her actions. Just explain to her that you need to HEAR the words and hear them often. That could be one of the "actions" that she shows you. She needs to meet that need for affection in the WAY YOU WANT. What I did was print out the article about AFFECTION and gave it to my H and showed him HOW I wanted that need met. I am one that also needs to hear those words OFTEN. It warms my heart. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Here is the article, CG, but have y'all taken the EN questionaire? I think if you are real clear about HOW she can make you feel the most loved, she would do a better job of meeting that need: Affection
Affection is the expression of care. It symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval -- vital ingredients in any relationship. When one spouse is affectionate toward the other, the following messages are sent:
You are important to me. I will care for you and protect you.
I'm concerned about the problems you face and will be there for you when you need me.
Learn to be more affectionate
A simple hug can say those things. And there are many other ways to show our affection: A greeting card or an "I love you" note; a bouquet of flowers; holding hands; walks after dinner; back rubs; phone calls; and conversations with thoughtful and loving expressions. All of these can effectively communicate affection.
Affection is, for many, the essential cement of a relationship. Without it, many feel totally alienated. With it, they become emotionally bonded. If you feel terrific when your spouse is affectionate, and you feel terrible when there is not enough of it, you have the emotional need for affection.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,141
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,141 |
right on Melodylane!!
Just tell your spouse that YOU need to hear those words.
Nuf said!!!
Love in Christ,
Miss M
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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