I did post on Marriage Builders regularly during what I referred to as 'recovery,' but what was in fact just more of the same. Needless to say, I have been divorced for a year and a half.

This past January I learned that my ex lives in my neighborhood (very large neighborhood with over 800 homes) with one of the women with whom he had an affair and is now married to. He had been living with her not long after I asked him to leave in August, 2004.

I must say during the divorce he was more generous than was necessary. I now think he thought if he was not happy I could be trusted to hold onto his assets for when he grew tired or got too old to tom cat around.

I learned in May that he has regularly called a neighbor to check on me. I was overweight during the marriage (his biggest complaint about me) but am now slim. I am finally independent, happy and thriving. He can't stand that.

He now wants to talk to me and fix what he spent 21 years damaging-of course with no effort on his part but to reclaim his assets. I know him. I am sure he has cheated on the new wife even before now. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

My neighbor now checks caller ID and refuses to speak with him any longer about me. He has become desperate. He will wait for me at the place where I work out and try to talk to me. I refuse to acknowledge the sound of his voice.

For 21 years he hold me I was fat, ugly, stupid and worthless. He said jump and how high and I did. He destroyed my self esteem until I believed all that he said about me. I have since learned how it feels to be treated as a lady, appreciated for my intelligence and work ethic, and to be told that I am attractive. To be hit on at the age of 54 is delightful.

According to the neighbor who has seen them as a couple socially, the new wife tells him when to jump and how high...and he does. Isn't life grand.

My point is...I was devastated by the divorce. I guess I thought a bad marriage was better than no marriage. (Man, was I ever sick.) I would have gone back to him as little as a year ago. It took getting out and seeing that life goes on and can go on better than ever for me to recover.

I am THANKFUL that God allowed for me to see that what goes around comes around. I am THANKFUL that God has carried me through what many could not have survived. I am THANKFUL that I am no longer married to an abuser..for that is what adulterers are.