Early February this year, my WH says he's seeing this lady for the past 7 mths and wants to be with her. My WH is a charmer. He has many women clamoring over him even during his teenage years (we are now 37 yrs old, married 7 yrs, 2 daughters - 5 yrs, 1 yr). I got to know him when we were in the same hiking group. In this group, he has created 'havoc' among the women there. I knew of his 'womanising' ways and therefore I wasn't interested in him. It was the other way round where he was the one who 'chased' me.

I married him because he has many good qualities. His only vice is his inability to say 'no' to women. While courting, he would always have a woman best friend. I told him I was uncomfortable with it. He says its platonic and nothing more. I trusted him. To date, this OP is his #4th. He admitted he slept with this OP but I've evidence he did it also with the #3 which he denied.

I admit we had trouble communicating in our marriage. Whenever he had problems with me or the marriage, he would sweep it under the rug and instead confide with his 'women bestfriend'. As usual, he blames me for not being there for him, no more chemistry, etc. that lead him to his affair.

From February till now, WH and OP took turns trying to stop their 'friendship' but to no avail. Every now and then, I get triggers. And then he would say he 'tried coming back' to me but each time he sees my 'long' face, he doesn't feel like patching up and coming back to the family. So, it was a chicken and egg story. But lately, I discovered it was not. Infact, if he had NC with her, I wouldn't at all have the long face.

Two and a half weeks back, he said he initiated another 'breakoff' with the OP. Three days later, he has a dive trip. So, I asked whether she was going with him and he said no. I discovered he lied as I saw their photos together! I approached him and asked what does the 'breakoff' means? He's
says is to slowly see less of each other and less communication but he has no intention at all to severe contact with her. I told him absulotely no contact bcoz I can't heal with her being around. Then he said he's not willing to do that bcoz she's a good friend and she's recommending friends/business to him (he's a part-time dive instructor).

He has met her parents and all his friends in the dive community knows of their affair. A few of his colleagues who dives knows as well. I confided in his family and they support me bcoz they know of his character and behaviour very well. So, I don't need to expose him because he already did it himself. He has no shame as he sees he's done no wrong.

He surrounds himself with single friends and hardly close with any married man. When I gave him a picture of what it would be like (after work-have dinner-put kids to sleep, weekend with trip to groceries-dinners with both parents, etc) when I start work (I'm currently a stay-at-home mum), he says he doesn't like it. I said that's what most family's life is about now (when kids are young) when both parents are working. He says there's more to it. He wants his freedom to do his sporting activites. He still wants to be single. He doesn't know what it takes to stay married.

I do not know whether this following info is relevant as my source tells me that they are both planning to be together by year end. Perhaps that's why he's behaving in such a manner which makes me the 'bad person' who asks for a separation. Perhaps this so (?) because I don't want to be together with
a man who is not repantant, liar and no shame at all.

Therefore, I'm going ahead with Plan B. My problem is:

#1 - he's unwilling to move out. He says he's worked hard for the house. This means I've to move out, yes? Is this right?

#2 - I'm a stay-at-home mum but starting my new job in a month. Should I share half custody of the kids or take full custody? ie, he takes 3 days, I take the rest.

I know this is a long one but I just want you to know our history. I still love him and want to be together. But I can't live on like this.

Am I doing the right thing?

Would appreciate your advice.

PB, i think you are doing the right thing if you want to have a monogamous marriage. If you are into an open marriage and are willing to share your H with other sleazy women, then you should stay. But if you have decided you no longer want to be with a womanizer [and you did choose this, btw] then I think your plan is good.

My suggestion would be to file for divorce and get visitation and finances set up legally. This will ensure that you are protected finacially and can stay in the house. Have your attorney effect the separation by getting him removed from the house.

Divorce takes time, so he will have time to change. If he does change in that time, you could drop the divorce.

I'm sorry for your daughters that you chose a womanizer for their daddy. This will be very hard on them. Has your H introduced them to his OW yet?

Apparently the world is full of sleaze, depending on the sex appeal of the guy. . .

Anyway, you need to talk to a Solicitor, a Lawyer, to see what your legal obligations and options are. And don't buy the story of working hard for the house. He should work hard for the relationship instead of the next set of panties willing to drop.

You married a womanizer who apparently has no problem finding his next willing participant. This is no way to raise kids.

If you can legally, kick his sorry, adulterous [censored] out and get on with the rest of your life. You screwed up marrying the cretin, now please don't compound that by allowing your kids to be raised in the environment of sleaze.

Larry

Do NOT leave your home! If he wants the single life, he needs to move out.