I'm worried I'm getting depressed. I have the symptoms it seems but maybe it's just a normal phase to go through considering all I've been through. Some days I'm fine but today I really feel like crap. Almost like PMS but worse. I just wanna cry for no reason I can think of, I'm irritable. My head is cloudy and I'm dizzy and no energy. I feel like crawling into bed and just staying there all day. It's almost flu-like. Hard to decribe. I guess if it persists I should get looked at. Is it normal to get physically ill when you are going through the trauma of an affair? God I don't wanna go on anti-depressants.

Hi,

It sure could be signs of depression. If it persists, I agree that you should get it checked out, it could be a number of physical, non-depression ailments also.

I'm NOT a medical doctor and I'm not qualified to hand out medical advice, ... (anyone hear a "but" coming on?) ... but there are some things you can do to help alleviate signs of depression other than ADs. Things like:

• taking gentle care of yourself;
• taking gentle care of yourself;
• stress-relieving activities and exercise (even just walking or stretching is better than nothing);
• making sure you are exposed to sunlight;
• eating well (especially hard when you are feeling depressed);
• not drinking alcohol (ditto) and getting enough sleep but not too much (double ditto).
• Prayer.
• Talking to someone instead of holing up in you "cave".
• Reaching out to others and helping them with their problems takes your mind off your own problems.

Also some ppl are helped by OTC things such as St. John's Wort, SAME, etc. You can search online and read up on the different remedies if you like. At least make sure you are taking a good multi-vitamin and/or getting lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and good omega-3 fatty acids.

I haven't read your posts, do you have a therapist or counselor to talk to? Do you have a support network of friends?

If you don't get better, please do see someone, and don't rule out ADs. Lingering depression can really affect the brain chemistry so that it becomes a physical problem, and ADs can really help.

Vmom. I am on anti-depressents right now, and I am very thankful that I am. My depression was not really brought on by marital issues though.

I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing a Dr or someone who's qualifed and explaining to them how you feel. If you need ADs it's a chemical thing and you shouldn't feel like you are cheating or anything. It's helping you cope with what your dealing with.

There are basically 2 questions my Dr asked me. The primary one was whether or not a felt like hurting myself, which thankfully I didn't. The other was whether I was not meeting responsibilites and taking care of the things I used to take care of...which was a definite yes. My Dr knew the question anyway because I was extremely late on paying a bill to her, and I had never been late at all before. lol.

And btw, if you are depressed, remember then that you are not fully yourself, so you don't want to make any rash decisions when you aren't yourself.

Here's an online questionnaire. It's a good idea to take this test and if it seems to indicate you are depressed, show the results of the test to your physician or a trained therapist.

Depression Screening Questionnaire

That sounds a lot like depression. It also sounds like a normal response to what you've been going through.

Depression lasts longer than a couple of weeks and while you have good days and bad, it tends to get worse. Depression also makes nothing seem worth the effort, or even the smallest job look like a huge task. Depression also isolates you from others. It may make you suddenly unable to talk to people you are normally close to. It can make you angry, or weepy, or worse to depressed to feel a thing. T.S. Eliot once said "I'd kill myself if I weren't so depressed." Good ole TS is NOT recommended reading for the depressed. A poem like The Waste Land could send one over the edge for a myriad of reasons.

Feeling the way you feel right now is not all bad, if it doesn't become full-blown, everlasting depression. Why? Because feeling miserable can lead us to make the necessary changes in our lives. That sick feeling can motivate one to get the unhealthy stuff out of one's life in a way that a Prozac induced peace won't.

So, what can you do:
Make an appointment to see a psychiatrist for meds. I personally am against GPs prescribing something so technical for a complicated system.

Exercise, it is as effective in clinical trials as medication when both are combined with therapy.

Cut out the sugar and alcohol. This one can be hard because we self-medicate. But alcohol is a depressent. Sugar gives those crashes. Not good.

Call your close friends and tell them you're down. Ignore the feeling that your exposing your backside. Maintaining personal connections is important, and doubly so in depression.

Do something for somebody else.

Read a funny book or watch a funny movie. Obviously, romantic comedies are out of bounds in your situation. Nothing like "happily ever after" to make you feel more miserable about your life. BTDT.

Well I took the questionaire and I got a 32 which is Mild to moderate depression.
My H was on anti-depressants once and he says it made him emotionless. Not really what I'm looking for. I guess it could help me get through the day somewhat. I'm also concerned about weight gain. My friend has been on them for 2-3 years and she went from about 130 to 200+ lbs. That would make me more depressed than what I am now. I'm a fitness trainer. I can't be packing on weight obviously.

I have started seeing a professional. Mostly to get my head on straight and maybe help me make some important decisions. I don't even know if I can live my life out with my H after all that he's done. But life without him makes me feel sad and alone. It's like I ache for him when he's gone but when he's around I'm angry at him. I find myself looking at other marriages (friends etc) and comparing us. Thinking that will never be us because of what he's done. The pornography, the affairs..... I get sick thinking about it. I just wanted a normal life. A good marriage. It's like 15 years wasted. All a lie. Nothing good to look back on. It's so hard to deal with these emotions. He keeps apologizing but it's not making me feel any better. Saying sorry just doesn't cut it.
He also says he wants to change "for me". He always says that. I tell him doing it for me doesn't work. It's not real. Changing for yourself because you want to change is real. I just don't think he really cares about himself. I don't like being his crutch and I don't feel like he can do anything without me. He has no desire to.

There have been many recent advances in ADs, and not everyone responds to the same AD. Nowadays they target specific brain chemicals like serotonin or... there are two others I believe. Depending on which one is out of balance, different ADs will help different folks. The right one will not make you emotionless, it will not make you feel less like "yourself". It will help you feel MORE like yourself, like you are able to control the crying jags, or whatever your symptoms may be... you can still feel the pain, you just won't be paralyzed by it... KWIM? And you can feel a range of emotions, not just brain-numbing despair.

My symptoms are very similar to yours. My cycle was weird too. I was on Effexor then switched to Lexapro (it was cheaper). All they did was keep me from crying at the commercials (I'm NOT a cryer). All they did was take the edge off. I still had plenty of emotions to show at counseling sessions, etc. I just wasn't so distracted, thinking about it all the time.

I have recently stopped using them, hopeful things have calmed down a bit. I found that exercise (even if it's just walking the block) helps with the dizzyness as do naps.