First, let me thank all of you for helping me...my last post,"MY HUSBAND WANTED ME TO TELL YOU..." i received A LOT of support! H read some of the posts and actually said that is was good for him to see the responses validating the whole cyber/phone/secretemail vs "real" affairs issue. We are working on things, and are starting to have more good than bad days. The issue i'm dealing with now is this: I can't help but think back at all of the "special" or at least i thought special times that he and i shared together, and the whole time he was cheating. Special occassions like birthdays, dates, times with friends etc...now ring hollow. Even perfume he bought me and would tell me how great i smelled, kiss me goodbye, and then cheat on me...i find hard to wear. The deception, YIKES! seems endless and heartless! Has anyone else learned a way to get over this? I'm glad it's a while until my b-day...he was the first person who ever made it special for me, and now i think i'm just going to chalk it up for good. I'm trying not to hold it agains him...but the memories are keeping me from wanting to repeat the occassion. Input?

Been there, got the T-shirt <P>That period of linking every memory with what he did lasted in full intensity for about 6 months. Everything I looked at or thought about reminded me. I would wonder if he'd contacted her on those special days. Wonder if he'd bought me something that day and talked to her too. I even looked back at all my emails by date and tried to remember what I was doing on the days I knew they talked, with the e-mail as a reminder of my work day. Crazy. I became happy when I was able to finish off and throw out things I knew were purchased duringthe time of his involvement, like moisturizer bottles or mascara, or old bottles of ketchup. Why did I look forward to getting them out of the house? Because I knew they'd been bought during the involvement. Everything was a trigger, and all I wanted was a delete button for my brain so I could stop making these links.<P>It started to fade about 7 months into recovery. I still get little triggers once in a while, and still can't bring myself to look at pictures taken during the period he was involved with his little friends. But it's getting better.<P>What I'm saying is it takes time. And anything you can do to minimize these triggers will help a lot. Try to create new memories on these days and don't sit around dwelling on the past. That's about all the advice I can give you. I wish I had been able to take it myself while I was going through it but I basically sat around and wallowed.<P>I know that wasn't very helpful, but I'm sure someone else here will come up with some good pointers. I just wanted you to know you're not alone in having gone through this.

Hi Jily-<P>Be glad your H didn't cheat with your best friend-and be glad they didn't begin their affair on your 40th birthday-that's what happened to me I also found out that when my H was going X-Mas shopping for me he took OW along and out to dinner-go figure. I feel just as you do-and yup it sure does hurt. But I am gaining a little bit at a time-at least he found out what was good for him (ME) and what wasn't (her). If your H read those other posts and you found that encouarging then you are hading in the right direction. Just be thankful H is with you-where he belongs I am sure........<P>Good luck!!!!

Don't know of any quick ways to get over it, but time has helped me to forget about the days, gifts, etc. Find ways to let the hurt make you a stronger person. Not sure it helps, but for me once I felt the pain, it didn't hurt as much the second time.<P>Good luck and be patient.<P>