My husband & I have been married for 7 years. We have a 5 year old daughter & both want more, (at least we did before the affair). We have been through a lot and have been struggling for a long time. I think we have been through every top stressful thing possible.
We have seperated before, 4 years ago, and I left the state. That was when he first met this girl. They fooled around for a couple of months & then he moved to where we were. I know we didn't handle that correctly. They kept in contact for a while, then stopped. We never worked on our issues to fix our marrital problems.
Then 2 years later we moved back. My mother talked us into it. She convinced me that she would help with our daughter so I could go back to school and try to finish my degree. We both missed the area and my husband knew he could get a better job.
6 mos. after we moved back, my father passed away, a long lost half sister came back in the picture, my mother didn't like it & kicked us out of her house. Just locked the door on us one day. So, we were forced to stay in a hotel, then ran out of $$ and rented a room. There was a house fire, & we were faced with being homeless. It was what I thought was the worst time in our lives.
My daughter & I stayed at a shelter, no men allowed, so my husband jumped around from the truck to friends. Finally after 2 weeks of this, we found a place. We moved in and i started a new job. We had been through a lot. It had been 3 months since we were forced to leave my mothers.
We had vehicle problems, so my husband stayed home with our daughter while i worked. We were just starting to get back on our feet, but there was a lot of resentment. I wroked 4 10's, so with travel time I would be gone 13 hrs. Then immediately after i got home my husband would want to leave. He can't stand being cooped up at home. So, I could understand this and he would leave. He would hang out with the guys until late. Then come home & sleep on the couch. He said he didn't want to disturb me.
So, after 2 months of this, I couldn't take it. We had our good times, but it was just too much for me. So, I made him leave. Probably not the right choice. So, he started staying with some friends & ran into that girl again. He didn't tell me at first.
Then when he did, he said he would just see her in passing.
He was still coming to the house to spend time with our daughter, and we had a great time together. I knew something wasn't right, so I read his texts when he fell asleep on the couch once. And there it was in black & white. Them calling each other baby & talking about getting together later.
I didn't confront him right away. I was too much in shock, crushed. I waited, and did it over the phone like an idiot. He said it had been going on for a month. I know I have handled everything since wrong. I just want him to come home and us to work on things, but I know that isn't going to fix things, or stop him from cheating.
When I see him I am affectionate, probably not the right thing to do. I know I am letting him have his cake & eat it too. I don't know what to do. I feel lost. I feel empty. I can't afford to buy the books, but I want nothing more than to do everything I can to try and handle this in the right way. To at least know that I have done everything in my power to try, and try in the right way.
He says he likes things like this because we cherish & appreciate each other more. I told him I can't handle him being with someone else. So, he said "I guess I have some decisions to make." It's only been a week, and nothing has happened. I am still an idiot & being emotionally & financially supportive. What should I do to start down the right path? I want him to want to end it, and to want to come home. I want him to want to work on things.
Any advice is greatly appreciated, thanks.
