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#2107847 08/11/08 10:03 AM
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Dude007 Offline OP
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Our relationship has been in overdrive since confesstion. Though I’m still having constant thoughts of WW with OM. It’s been almost 4 months since she confessed. We’ve talked it out to the point that we know everything. Any clue how long til the thoughts of your WW w/ OM PA at least minimize down to once or twice a day? The only period in which I’ve experienced relief is when she was out of state and I had a RA. This alleviated it temporarily, but has since returned when RA was ended.(As so many here said it would) Any thoughts on not having these nightmarish thoughts? Does hypnosis work? Don’t know why it matters so much. We both had partners before we were married and I knew of couple of hers. Seems like its similar in a way, guess the betrayal is what carries the weight now. She has been so sweet. She just wants me passed it so we can completely move forward.

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Dude

I'm at four years and those thoughts are still an annoying part of every day.

However I have developed sort of Emotional hard skin" on the spots where such thoughts used to cripple me like a kick to the crotch.

Now they just annoy me and I turn the thoughts to something else.

Other BS' report they never think such thoughts, so you can hope to be one of them rather than a "bob type". smile

In any case it ain't great but it's livable.


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I'm only 6 months out and still have moments where I can see F-WH and OW together all too clearly. I just try to remind myself that it isn't happening now and that I am in charge of how I react to the memory.

Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn't. It does seem to happen less and less as the days pass.

MS


BW (me)
FWH (him - he's earning the F)
3 boys (4, 5, and 7)
M 1997
LT EA/PA 2004-2007
D-Day #1 Feb 2006
Joined MB.
D-Day #2 Feb 2008
D-Day #3 Aug 2008
Began REAL recovery Sept 2008.


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For me, it took somewhere between 2.5 to 3 years for those thoughts to completely disappear. In fact, I can't remember the last time that my FWW's SF with the OM has occupied my mind, and when the subject does come up, there's little or no emotion connected with it.


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Quote
The only period in which I’ve experienced relief is when she was out of state and I had a RA.

Does "RA" stand for revenge affair?

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Ok I just read your other post and guess it does. It's funny how we can do the same low thing as our spouse and still dwell on what they did instead of what we did. I imagine she probably has mental movies too, you guys have created a double feature, get the popcorn ready.

I did the same thing as you, bad mistake don't you think now?


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Dude007 Offline OP
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Don't know that it was a complete mistake. It did make me feel human again. I realized I could move on had I wanted to do so. The OW was a high caliber person whom I could have had a lasting relationship with as well. I actually moved out on my WW and continued to see OW for a slight period. It definitely made my WW understand how bad I was hurt. WW does mention that I should dwell on what I did, not visualize what she did. The messages are starting to slow. My WW was so pure and sweet. Thats what makes it hard. I see in her eyes all the shame/guilt. I don't know what to tell her to make her feel better. The OM was a guy she'd never have a relationship w/ had she not been married. He just paid a lot of attention to her and would deal w/ the secrecy.


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