ROTFLMAOSMIOMN!

(that last bit was "spewing milk outta my nose")

VD (the OW in my life) used nearly those exact words...only the Christian part was "Catholic."

There really IS a handbook, huh?

What you say is true. I can't help thinking, though, that without having spent so much time here at MB I might say something like that myself, "No, unfortunately not," and not necessarily mean anything by it about wanting to have an A, but more like, feeling sorry for myself that WH is with someone and I'm all alone.

So I would still like to see her here, if for no other reason than to try to talk some sense into her about protecting those kids!

Besides... using an analogy of church... who do you most want to invite to church: someone who is already in good standing with God (and so, may be attending their own church already) or someone who is outside of God's will, and hurting?

I'm not so sure it's a great idea for ABW/3 to invite the OMW here. It's been a bit of a private sanctuary for him, and this would be someone closely connected to someone who he will still have some mandatory contact with. Might this backfire on him, and possibly end up getting info (plans of action etc.) back to his WW, that he had rather not?

Just thinking out loud here..

Great point, K it R! Hadn't really thought of that, but I'm not sure I want someone connected with WW...even distantly and with malice, reading ALL that has been said and advised here.

I would be glad to counsel this lady myself, but I don't think that's a good idea either for obvious reasons.

I'll play this one by ear for a bit and see what exactly transpires. She defintely needs MB right now more than I do, but, up to this point NO ONE knows about my activities here!

You then can recommend another site: survivinginfidelity.

She could use help.

Sounds great...I'll do that.

Wow - good grief - just read your update

Your WW is a runaway train with no destination and the bridge is out.

Never read a WW so bent on their own self-destruction. From a Christian POV - she is creating a wake of destruction. In the course of one year - how many families and preachers has she brought down.

AW3 - dont blame you if you dont want to but this fraud preacher needs to be exposed to his congregation. Think how many of the faith he is going to bring down. This guy is in the state of mortal sin while preaching the good news.

I got the impression from the W that it was a VERY small church that he pastors. It also sounded as if they already know.

I'm sure his W is exposing to anyone she can. I don't want to give the impression that I even care at all, though I do agree this man should NOT be behind a pulpit.

Who in there right mind (especially a "man of God") would want to publicly date a woman that just left her husband and 3 kids for another preacher and also got pregnant by him?

Mind Boggling!

Quite likely that's not the story that he was fed by your WW.

Actually, MinM, I think he is FULLY aware of WW's situation...that's what makes it even more astounding!

Maybe he was lead to believe it was a one-night thing I suppose, but it sounded like he knew all about the "chaplain" and affair to me.

I'd bet the farm you've been painted as "an abusive husband". :RollieEyes:

Bingo...Ding,Ding,Ding...No More Calls Please, We Have A WINNER!!!

That was the EXACT phrase OM's wife used when saying what she was told about me!

No specific examples of ANY abuse, just the generic phrase: "He was abusive."

YOU WIN, Keep it Real!

Hearing about women using false accusations of abuse... infuriates me!

There are *real* cases of abusive husbands and fathers. False accusations makes it easy to discount the *real* accusations. Grrrrrrrrrr.

I wonder if NOM's (New OM) BW is gonna clue him in that WW may have been less than truthful?

I wonder if "God" also told her she should be with this new OM?

I'm so sorry ABw/3..

not surprised, but sorry.

Yes it's a pet peeve of mine too Jayne. With so many truly abused people in the world, it is truly sad when labels of abuse are attached to any behavior that might hurt my poor widdle feelings, or God forbid that anyone should "abuse" me by turning down ANY of my requests!

And unfortunately many counselors feed into the entitled crappy thinking.

It is good to hear that you are doing well, even while WW is digging herself a bigger hole. Couldn't you refer OM's W to this site without letting on your user name? This is a pretty big forum, she might never run across this thread. Also, she'll be overwhelmed at first with all of the other reading materials...
I'm seriously hoping you get full custody of the kids with only very occassional visits with WW (without OM). They don't need the exposure!

From a legal standpoint, WW has not even hired an attorney! She and I have agreed to a limited visitation schedule (NO weekends, two evenings every other week, one evening on alternate weeks), I am to have FULL custody, I will receive both child support and alimony. There are no weeks built in during the summer or for spring break or even holidays.

I did allow WW to visit my attorney and view the complaint before it was filed and see that what we agreed to was all I had included (well...there also is a "mutual" restraining order ;)).

My attorney convinced her she was getting more through our compromise than she would probably win by fighting and leaving things up to a judge.

In my opinion, I would rather know what the agreements and arrangements are beforehand rather than letting some judge decide my kids visitation.

Papers were filed last week. D is final in November!

I'm a little concerned about your "agreed" visitation. My concern is based on her current out-of-control behavior. I would watch this closely because at some point you may need to go for "supervised" visitation. I hate to see your children exposed to her lifestyle.

I especially hate to see them exposed to her minister de jour. This man obviously has issues himself and there is no telling what you don't know.

I was sexually abused by a man in our church when I was 9 years old. I never told anyone until I was an adult. After it happened and I "told" his wife, her response was "oh honey, don't cry, he does that to all the little girls."

I would hate to see either of your children violated either sexually or otherwise. Just because they wear the hat "minister" or "church member" doesn't mean they're safe. Even if this guy doesn't work out, who's next?

Also to the alimony and child support? Good luck with that. :RollieEyes:

I am also concerned about your girls needing a positive STRONG, faithful female role model.

It's also been proven than girls in sports do better in school and tend to make better personal choices as they grow older.

I know you're doing everything you can for your babies.

I have tons of faith in you.

Just wanted to give you some other things to chew on.

As for your boy, he was reaching an age where boy kind of pull away from momma a bit...but he still needs strong, kind, moral women around him.

I have a theory that we become like the people we surround ourselves with. That being said, continue in your faith and surround your family with your extended church family and you all should flourish.

Thanks guys. I agree about the MORAL female role-models! Oh, and my daughter does play sports.

My attorney felt that I simply didn't have enough to get supervised visitation...believe me, I asked!

I did speak with WW briefly yesterday and appealed to whatever motherly instincts she MAY have left and asked her to consider the example she was setting in front of the kids.

I simply informed her that I did not care WHO or WHAT she did, but I asked KINDLY that she not expose my children to her "fling du-jour" and NOT take my daughter to any more doctor's visits with her.

Outside of school, I figure she will actually only be with them 6-8 waking hours every two weeks. Given my legal advise, I felt tht was about as much as I could hope for!

As to the support and alimony. Don't think I'm naive! I realize that may eventually fade...but, I will give her credit in that she HAS given me financial assisstance each and every time she has gotten paid since she left...in the amount we had agreed on. I will give credit where credit is due.

Also, I am still in constant contact with many of the female influences on my kids from my previous church, as well as my own family. I do try and see to it that the girls especially spend time with "Godly" women when possible.

The kids were also very impressed with the new church which I will be assuming the position of "Worship Leader" at. I know it won't be easy, but God will provide the influences necessary to allow these kids to continue to be well-rounded, spiritual children.

I figured, but still had to put it out there, you know?