What are all the withdrawl symptoms? Just wondering. My WW seems to have had none of it. I want to make sure I'm not missing something. Its been over 90 days since DDAY and all she wants to do is talk about us. Go on Vacations, etc. Is it possible there is little to no withdrawl?

Thanks!

Well dont delete them post away, Let it vent iteslf out of you.
Unless just the typing iteself is theraputic for you. I never used to journal and in the early days post D day ( like I am so far away from it ) I wrote in my journal frantically. I wrote fast so that I would not stop and correct the words as they came out ofmind. It is actually kinda nice to have a journal to see my journey ,hey thats a clever one

Dont worry about using up any of your energy on OW. She is non existant. What you are sick of is that your DH cannot focus on you becuase he is pain over the loss of something. Unfortunatley that is part of his recovery . He has to go thru that withrawl inorder to free himself of it before he can return to you.
One thing that I have not focused on in this entire journey is anger towards OW. When I feel anger towards my H for the A here is what I chant in my head ,something my wise and dear friend told me soon after my D-Day and has saved me from the deep dark anger hole. I guess the same applies to OW if you are willing to go that far.

He did not do anything to me. He was selfish and did something for himself with no regard for what its impcat would be on me. He did not do anything to me, he did it to himself.

Woudnt that be nice if we could just go the sleep and hit a rewind button and this would have never happened in the 1st place. And if the reality is that it did happen then it would be great if it could be over soon beacuse the pain is too mucha nd the road to recovery is too hard.
If you see my thread you are voicing my words exactly that I have on several ocassions. Its normal to feel overwhelmend by the enormity of the recovery process .
Thats when the faith part comes in. Just trust in those who have been our shoes before and walked out of it and are still standing. It may not seem do-able but it is and you can and will walk it and be OK.

Its ok to be sad and its ok to feel like this is unfair to you.

Now that being said, what have you done today to make yourself happy ?

It seems like work is keeping you busy. Is the project not-fun, challenging ? Or is the job and project just annoying for now because you dont have the strenght to deal with it.

dude ~

i am new at all this A stuff and don't know about not having any symptoms of withdrawal..... when i first read your post though a red flag went up in my mind..... this is what i'm thinking about your WW not having any symptoms:

1) she may not have gotten to the 'soulmate' attachment with the OM (if that is the case you are lucky....but i'm not saying there's any less pain if she didn't reach that level of attachment).

or,

2) sorry to say this, but really the first thing that the red flag cautioned in me was that maybe she is still seeing the OM. :-( sorry if that is the case. i was talking to my H about it and he said the same thing too.

my H's withdrawal symptoms are not near as severe as they have been, but he seems to have low days (again, not as bad or as often). He is still moody though but i can tell he's trying to control it....especially when letting it out on either me or our son. He wants to sleep a lot (but is better about not). My H got used to his 'singleness' while we were separated and he throws around his 'i'm doing this' or 'i'm doing that'.....not giving a care about what we're doing or if that's good for that particular moment. i told him once i realized he's still in that 'single' mode and that he's gonna do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it.......he just stared at me.... i don't know if he was shocked that i knew exactly what was going on, or if he was surprised that i would even suggest he's acting that way -- and has that kind of attitude. we (my kids and i) just let him go and do what he wants - -

BUT, as of late (since he started posting here as well and starting our sessions with jennifer) he has been better about letting me know more where he's at, where he's going next, or even what his schedule is so i can plan for the rest of us, etc.... i like that. :-)

last night it seemed he went a little overboard with it (at first, the thought went through my mind.....did they have contact?), but i'd rather him let me know every step he's taking (i found myself not wondering at all where he was or what he was doing and didn't give it much thought other than maybe he's realizing it's important for me to know where he's at when he's by himself (and, no, they didn't have contact).....

course i know he could text me and tell me anything and be doing something completely different)...but i believe(d) him. :-)

at the same time, i felt he might have been a little sarcastic with letting me know each step he took last night.....it was almost like he was letting me know how ridiculous it is that he let me know every place he went (as he was going there) and that it was stupid and not necessary so he was going to show me how annoying it could be to receive 10 texts in an hour.....(ok, not really that many, but you know what i mean)......i hope in time he'll want to tell me his whereabouts because he's respecting me instead of feeling like i don't trust him or that i'm babysitting him......so, if that means him checking in with me and i get 10 texts in an hour for me to feel safe, then that's how it needs to be. he crossed the line and for now, that's how it is even though i know they can't 'accidentally' run into each other as she moved to another state... I'M SO GLAD!!!!

all i will say is that you are VERY LUCKY if your WW really has no symptoms of withdrawal.... very lucky!! the things i listed are the main symptoms...there might be more but i can't think of them right now.... i don't know how to advise you cause mine not only has the symptoms, but we are living through the reality of him having those symptoms....

i wish you the best. keep posting and reading on this site....the people really care about you and offer great insight!

hi wannamoveforward..... i have got to read your thread - - i told my H in just the little we have posted to each other we sound a lot alike. :-)

ok, i'll post all my posts next time..... what usually happens is that i 'vent' and then i realize that's what i'm doing and it's not gonna help the situation or help anyone get over it and then i feel bad for my venting..... so, if i vent and then delete, then no one knows how crappy i probably sounded....... does that make sense.... but, i know thats how you guys help us through our time as well....if you know how we're feeling or what we're going through at that moment....

i don't journal either but i know people say it's good. i would be afraid someone would find it and read it. but, i like what you said about journaling to see your journey... :-) i know we've come a long ways from day one of this mess..... and i just can't wait to get to the really good stuff in our marriage....

lol i had to laugh a bit at myself as i read your comment about not using up my energy on OW....she doesn't deserve even that!! and you are right, it's because my DH doesn't have his focus on me right now because she's got his brain all clouded up still.... i still don't understand how you could choose crap to 'start a new life with' all the while dumping huge crap on the family you've helped build for 23 years.....only to find in a few years that the crap you chose to dump your family for is truly just that.......crap!!

again, i have to remind myself that it isn't 'her' but all the 'feelings' that she brought.....it really could have been anybody. but, what saddens me most is that my very DH is taking his dear sweet time to get through this and not really focusing on what's best for us.....and what's best for him. it would give me even more pain if he took off and then in a few years he was at his end and in so much pain from finally waking up and realizing what he's done....

i'm thankful he's realized it thus far and grateful for the baby steps we have taken and continue to take. some days i see him getting closer to getting through it...and then we slip back and i realize we have a ways to go still.... ug. when and if he starts thinking a little more negatively about OW will bring me to a much much safer feeling with him and not threatened by her anymore.... ( i know i have to be careful with the 'feelings' cause i know they can change in a heart beat...).

i like your little chant you use...i think i will adopt it for myself as well.... i really feel God has spared me from the anger hole (athough i have been angry a few times for sure), but i am truly relying on God for his strength and compassion to be poured over me so i can extend his grace to my H....

this whole thing is so draining.....even on the good days - - i guess that's just how stress is. i am exhausted all the time (course we aren't getting enough or good sleep yet)....although i usually am out like a light until the alarm goes off. BUT, we went to bed last night at 1:30 a.m. and my H was in the mood.... while i was exhausted it didn't take long for me to get into 'wanting' to pleasure him....even though he didn't reciprocate (and that might be cause mother nature is visiting....i have all the luck)....but a kiss or a touch would have been nice.

i hope that doesn't ruin our intimate time while we are away..... i know we can be creative....we used to be...

wannamoveforward, you have helped me so much and i'm glad you started posting to me... i am encouraged and will certainly continue to help my H through this time. i know it's when he gets through it that he'll be here for me again....

i am in a better frame of mind today for sure. i'm going out of town with my H. i'm thankful he wants to go anywhere with me! :-) i look forward to brushing up on meeting those EN of his... :-)

last night i met with my friend. we got a smoothie and walked for a while at the farmer's market and then sat on a bench and talked for a while. then we went to a local gym and checked into the registration, etc. i'm so excited....we want to join together if we can. i was telling my H about it (we were texting while he was at the gym) and he told me to go ahead and sign up! woohoo! i'm happy to have someone to go with me....that's part of the battle - - we'll keep each other motivated. :-) we are going to wait until the fair comes in september because they will be offering a 'special' and may include no initial registration fee (which is $100). but, in the meantime, now we're gonna start meeting on tues and thurs and at least walking to get started doing something. i'm happy and it will help meet one of my H's EN....an attractive spouse. i was feeling wounded by him sharing that he was unhappy with how i looked...i took it too personally i guess. what he meant was he just wants me to tone up a bit....he likes how i look.... whew! what a relief! :-) so, that's what i did for myself yesterday..... :-)

and as far as my job.....i do like my job really, and yes, i think it's just that the task is annoying me for now because i don't have the energy to deal with it....but guess, what, that deadline has me dealing with it anyway.... :-} i'll get it done. the kids will be in school next week so i can work a few longer hours before having to pick them up from school and work.

i already have my hair appt for next wed. i wanted it for this morning so i could look my best for my H but no openings....bummer....

well, my time is really getting away from me. i have to get packed yet and i have a couple errands to get done before we leave. i may print your thread off and read it while we are traveling (if we aren't talking).... :-) but, i have a few books to get through as well..... lol i need more leisure time that's for sure.

have a great weekend! by the way, in case i don't get to read your thread yet....how long have you been in this 'process'......

May I point out to you that on 8/6 you were at a low point in this roller coaster and you said, his symptoms are horrible. Now on 8/8 you say they are not as severe.
Both statements are True and reflect how you felt at that point in time.
Once you realize that it is a roller coaster and things change by the day (hour) you will start to feel better about things being just the way they. The highs are temporary and the lows are temporary , moving roller coaster.
It really helps me to read back my own posts or journal to see how things change and see the big picture as opposed to be narroly foccused on how I feel about our R and M at any give moment in time

Today is a good positive day for me so I'm gonna try to keep up that frame of mind.
How are you doing today ?

hey wannamoveforeward....after i hit post i went back to your post to me to see how you signed it.....i can see your information there and can see we are right in there together on our timings....

well, at least we have each other to help us through this.....AND the help of this great website.... what a Godsend for sure.... great people and insight here.

i'm thankful for it....and for you.... keep your chin up as well.... and how's that bedroom coming? do you have four green walls now... :-)

it amazes me the insight that is here......yes, being in the middle of it all, it's harder to see just what's clear and what's not.....guess that's the fog huh.... we've had several good days but i triggered twice this week so we had a couple bad evenings...well, not so good....bad just sounds really bad.... it's like it was more disappointing to have yet another not so good day/evening........maybe that's my fantasy....i am so much farther ahead of my husband in this recovery and i 'want' it to be bliss again......but it's hard for me to wait while he 'wallows' in his pitty (at least that's how it seems to me) i know grieving is a hard thing though....who 'wants' to grieve anyway....

although i don't journal, i have every email i've sent both between my H and me and what i've emailed to my sister-in-law and my best friend.... guess i could print those off and put them in a binder.....boy, i don't know if i would want to go back and read the darkness i felt just a year ago.... but, on the other hand, it could be encouraging too....cause look where we are today....yes, we're in withdrawal state, but we're coaching with jennifer and she's helping us both tremendously!! that's what continues to give me hope as well.....

i seem to be pretty happy today....even with only a few hours sleep.... we both are looking forward to getting away.... :-)

Ditto.
As far as bedroom nope did not paint any yesterday and have not opened the can for today yet. I need 4 cans of paint for that room. Two down one to open today and one more this weekend. So still at 2 and 1/4 walls and huge mes in bedroom. Hard to gauge exactly because there is some paint on all the walls but my ceilings are 2 story so the paint only goes up about half way up the walls so far. Dh wants me to stay of the really high lader until he is home this weekend to catch me if I fall (isnt that a nice visual, may be he will be holding a rose between his teath as he catches me)

P.S. Its nice to be talking about something else other than you knwo what ...

Hows your project work coming along ?

LOL you make me laugh! it's a GREAT visual.... i have those too but i have to the point of not pondering too long them cause for now it's too disappointing....he's not there yet and wouldn't have the rose between his teeth.... i don't think he'd really let me fall to the floor though.... LOL

and yes, it sure is nice to talk about something else. i like it when i realize my face is actually smiling again...... thanks for giving me a chuckle this morning... :-)

i didn't go into the office this morning so my project is still in a mess...ug. it's 2007 checking/savings stuff that was never entered into quickbooks and now needs to be entered and reconciled..... ug. what i'm having trouble with is my boss kept track of everything in excel - - line by line.....which is great, i have all the information.... the problem is, not knowing which checks went with which deposit and when..... THAT'S what i'm trying to figure out. i'm dealing with the account (who is in another state and has such an accent it's hard for me to understand her as well)..... my boss has been gone for three weeks and wont' be in the office until monday.... my son starts school on tuesday but he has orientation on monday....my office is about 20 minutes away in another town....it's hardly worth going in for only an hour on monday so i lose that day and will have to work my butt off on tuesday. i can't work on wed cause i get my hair done in the morning and my job at home will start back up again cause my boss is back... i work for a doctor part time in the office and i do the transcribing from home in the afternoons..... tuesday we start patients again and he's very overbooked until october! ug... so, fortunately for me, i do seem to be able to work under pressure.....i'll get it done....

i really have to get my shower and get packed. my H said he won't email me until i get my stuff done cause he doesn't want to keep me from getting it done.... lol i told him i could see you posted again to me and i would at least read it....and if i could respond quickly i would..... you can see what happens when i get to talking.... lol gotta go for now. talk to you later....

No, thats(still contact w/OM) not possible. I sent her away(out of state) for 6 weeks a few weeks after the A was disclosed. It was physically impossible for her to see him and I was monitoring her phone calls to some extent. She also had my daughters and her parents w/ her the entire time. She called me all the time. Missing me, wanting me to fly up and see them?? Which I did. I'm just wondering if this was some past time or some father figure crap. I know the dude was like 50 and according to WW nothing compared to me.(Are they(OP) ever???!!) I am experiencing nothing like you are, but maybe my wife can hide it well. She seems to never be depressed. She sleeps/eats fine. I think the SHOCK and AWE of her losing me superceded any withdrawl from him as I made her leave to have some withdrawl from me. Maybe it worked? A modified plan A.

2b I have been thinking about you. I hope that you are hangin in there.

You seem to be a person who studies the bible and I was thinking about the prodgigal son. I have never really understood it and really never liked the msg. In the sermon, the one son goes out and spends his inheratance with wild abandon. He comes back home broken and spent. His father instead of putting him to work as a laboror holds a big party and the other son is pretty peeved about the whole thing. The father says mind his own business and what was lost was now found and it should be with celebration.

In my thinking about the story I was thinking about the son himself. God forgave him, the other son was still po'd. Knowing that you went out into the world and did something that shames you, how hard is it to come back home and have a welcome. Not only what he figured he deserved, a room in the barn and mucking the goats, but a party. With forgiveness comes a price. The other son could not understand his father, and sometimes I dont either, but jesus didnt tell the story to put us to sleep. He told the story to wake us up. I dont know, maybe your church group has a better idea about this one. Just because those around you forgive you doesnt necessarily mean that you forgive yourself. Just something I was thinking about.

I hope that all is well with you and I am saying prayers for you.

Hi hurt,

i've been away and haven't had time to get to my posting. as far as the prodigal son story, i have always viewed it in the perspective that God is our loving heavenly father who loves us unconditionally and forgives us whenever we confess and repent of our sin. we all have sinned. in our human eyes we view sin sort of in degrees (i.e. lying isn't as bad as having an A).

Because the prodigal took off with the inheritance, spent it all and lost everything, we think he should be punished or shun from the family. but he knew he could go home to his father and be loved and accepted by him. i don't think the prodigal son was expecting a big party by any means....i would imagine he was probably a little embarrassed by it - - and probably didn't want any attention brought to himself because he knew what he did was wrong. so it is with our heavenly father....he loves us unconditionally. we can lie - - and be forgiven. we can have an A - - and be forgiven. God doesn't look at our sin in degrees as we do. and once we repent and ask for forgiveness, the sin is forgiven and he doesn't remember it anymore. (aren't we lucky)

as far as the son that was po'd about his brother getting a party for basically wasting his inheritance. yes, he stayed and helped his father, etc. (just as we are staying and helping our husbands) but, we are not to do anything with the expectation of getting something in return. kind of like what we're doing with our husbands......they have had an A and yet we (the BS) now have to keep ourself in check and take care of them and help carry them through their withdrawal and depression and all the rest of the crap! and guess what, all this withdrawal and depression and fog isn't over us! nope! it's over the one they'd rather be with - - which is not us!!

so to correlate this to what has happened in my situation..... i consider my H the prodigal for sure! have i forgiven him - - -yes. does God forgive him - - yes. my H is the one that hasn't truly repented (because he's still hanging on to the fog) and therefore continues to be trapped in his sin which brings guilt, shame, resentment, anger, and a mess of a marriage! my H blames God and doesn't understand how He could 'allow' something like this to happen to him and his family. well, God also gave us a free will to make decisions and choose the path we want to walk on.....he chose the path of the world and is having a hard time getting off of it now.

the hard part for me in all this is that i have opened my arms to receive my H home. all i want is for us to move forward and begin building our relationship and marriage again. but, my H is stuck in his own pig slop. i don't understand why a person would continue to choose what is wrecking everything he's built with a wife and three beautiful children - - for 23 years!!!

i can feel myself getting angry at this and emotional. all i know is that i have prayed for strength to continue in this mess (which he grants me daily), and forgiveness and unconditional love for my H (which he has given me). so why do i continue with this when my H continues to reject me over and over and over again.....well, i love him very much (which sometimes i don't quite understand myself), secondly, i know the man he really is underneath this facade he's wearing now, and thirdly, i'm not about to let someone come in and take what is MINE!!! i am confident i can be all that my husband desires - - if he would just let me in....

i hope i shed maybe a different perspective on the story of the prodigal son....not sure i really explained it very well. i hope you had a good weekend. and i pray you have hope in your situation....... i continue to pray for hope in mine...

good evening everyone......

i don't even know where to start.....i was down both yesterday and today. my H and i got to get away this weekend. it was overall good, but my H is still pulling back from me. he was fine when we were gambling (i know it is an escape for him). but when we have 'alone' time, he pulls back - - which is so rejecting for me. getting away is an escape for him because he doesn't have to deal with any emotions while we're gone.... but then it's back to reality when we get back to this black cloud of a town we live in...

i'm really having a hard time with this fog/withdrawal/depression crap he's going through. i'm not saying it's not real, because it is -- we're going through it. but you know what, enough is enough already! what is going on with him????????? why can't he wipe his eyes and see this reality right here before him instead of living behind the curtain of fog and all he can see is someone he has so built up on a pedestal when she is the reason we're living this nightmare right now..... i blame myself for this mess....if i had been the wife my H needed in the first place then we wouldn't be posting on this website today......sorry, but i really wish i wasn't needing to post here, but unfortunately here i am.... at the same time, i am grateful for this website and that both my H and i can post and receive postings from anyone and everyone and glean whatever we can from those of you who are ahead of us in this mess. so, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your help.

we had a session with jennifer last night and it was good, but for some reason my H seemed distant and angry when it was over.....i got this impression after he slammed the sliding door when he took the dog out in the backyard. He realized his mood and when he was leaving the house he came over to me and gave me a kiss but he just stood there (our foreheads together) and i held him.....i believe it was his way of saying he was sorry but he didn't actually say that. i know he is being pushed to move forward a little faster than he'd obviously like to go....which makes me so sad. does he really want to be here??? he does at least for the kids i guess. but does he really want to be with me???? will he ever???? will he end up leaving anyway????? so i ask myself, 'what do i have to gain from loving him and trying to help him through this fog?'.... well, nothing if he leaves me anyway.....except a broken heart. but, if he stays he'll at least know just how very committed i am to him and that i am willing to (continue) to work my butt off to prove my love for him....if he'd only let me in....

i just want him to get over her already!!! DARN IT ANYWAY!! my heart continues to rip as my H continues to pull back from me. is this going to pass? are we close to getting out of this fog yet??

the weekend wasn't a total flop by any means. he is trying to be more affectionate. i am trying to meet his EN as well. the one he isn't really interested in is the SF....which is the emotional connection i need..... we were intimate one time on our trip but mother nature made an untimely visit so we were creative... i tried a couple more times on the trip, but he's just not interested. will we ever be able to make love again???

my H pretty much ignored me today. he was very down (withdrawal i guess). i sent him an email this morning and told him i hoped he had a good day, etc. he wrote back and said he didn't really have anything to say right now, but that i was to know he wasn't upset with me. i emailed a few more times during the day (just small talk and informing him of what my plans were, etc.)....no response. he usually lets me know when he's on his way home (he was out of town today), but i didn't hear from him at all until he walked in the door. i went right over and gave him a kiss and was very surprised to see him already home. i got a ho-hum kiss and off he went to change and then go to sleep. i rubbed his back a little bit and kissed his ear a few times. i asked him if he wanted me to scoot in behind him and lay with him for a little bit until i needed to leave (to go walking with a friend)...he didn't move. he eventually wiped a few tears. i just leaned over him on the bed (his back was to me) and held him until he fell asleep.... and i was praying the whole time.

he was going to take my daughter to the park so she could get some pitching time in. on my way home from walking i drove by the park where they normally go, but they weren't there. they went shopping instead. my feelings were hurt.....i wasn't invited. :-( we are getting ready to take this daughter to college and we have been looking at computers, etc for her. well, they didn't go to the park at all, they went to the mall instead..... my H is very close to this particular daughter and he has latched on to her even more.....she's the one that makes him smile. i don't even know if he even notices when i smile. :-( i find it hard sometimes to know and realize i'm jealous of my own daughter.... how pathetic is that?.....

i just want my H back!!! i want him to love me. i wish he could extend the same unconditional love to me that God extends to all of us..... i fear he is resenting me more as he moves in and out of this withdrawal stuff which makes it hard for him to see me in any good light. i just feel i am losing this war.....how could i have been so stupid to give room in my marriage for someone else to come in and steal my prized possession... which now leaves us on a scale that seems to be tipping the wrong way......

i really wish i were happier. and i really thought jennifer would have more luck with helping my husband through this. it seems to be pushing him further away.... will we really be able to survive this.......... i will say this, i would never ever wish this on even my worst enemy.....not even the OW.....and i don't think i really have any enemies - - except that my H seems to make me his...

i was sure hoping to post more positively, but i seem to be losing him........i hope he realizes soon how much i love him and that i want to take care of him the rest of our lives!!! i've gotten some pretty big muscles in all this to be able to continue to carry him...... i so need him to carry me...... i will wrap my arms around him and hold on for dear life....... will i always fear he's gonna leave???...

this is all very depressing. i didn't really want to post tonight for fear of making it sound worse than it really is.....i'm trying to keep a clear head... i guess if my H really doesn't think i can make him happy then he'll convince himself it's ok to leave. that is my worst fear. if he left i know i would go through my own depression and withdrawal but someday, somebody (and i hope it's my H) is gonna let me into their heart and allow me to love them and take care of them...

i hope a few hours sleep will bring a new day tomorrow. i'm gonna smile on purpose.....i know that looks better on my face than sadness..... God fill me with your peace and give me strength to continue in this nightmare! i pray it won't always be a nightmare...
good night.

Ok my turn to dig you out of how you are feeling and be your cheerleader.
As i have mentioned before my h went thru a tough withdrawl phase and it was hard for me to watch and support him thru it.
I dont think I was able to do anything to help him withraw . All I kept focuing when he was in pain was "put your anger aside WMF and double up on plan A". Make him feel loved an cared for, let him know that I care and that when he is low (what ever the reason) I will be there holding him and loving him. Replcae what he is missing with what you are offering and eventally (hopefully soon) he will look forward to what you have to offer.

As far as jennifer like I told you earlier when I first started my sessions I was hoping that she would give him some 2x4s and help lift his fog. Well it did not happen in session 1 so I was dissapointed,but here is what I see that is working in your stich.

1) your H is posting here and trust me he is gettign some 2x4's and being told LIKE it is (DR Phil style ) by tst and others out there.
2)

Part of his reaction tells me that he did not hear what he wanted to from Jeniifer and she does give 2x4's in her own way. They just take a little while for the impcat.

When your WH will be out of the fog I dont know. What I do know is if the NC keeps up, you keep up with plan A (at all costs) and keep working with Jennifer, it will end his withdrawls and fog.

Hang in there , I know exactly how you feel, I have been there and had the same pain and same fears you have regarding the OW and her hold on my DH. But it will release and you cannot HURRY it up.
That is part of his recovery no more that once he is fog free he will be posting on his thread on how he wants you to hurry up and be over it cause he is doing all the right things now.

cute cheerleader.... i thank you for your encouragement to stay the course this morning.

i do continue to plug away at reaching out to him (especially when he's down and will let me).....but it's so hard when he rejects me (as you know first hand as well). for the most part i don't think i display my anger, but maybe it's more my withdrawing from him - - -which i know i can't/shouldn't do.

however, i was a little peeved last night and my daughter kept asking me why i was mad.... i said i wasn't a couple of times but then i apologized and told her i guess i didn't really have a reason to be mad......

i know jennifer is helping (me anyways) but i guess i just long for my H to care for me and about me (truly) and that's what continues to get me down....in my mind i am convinced that he doesn't care about me because 'she' is still ahead of me... i'm just tired of losing.

i will continue to reach out to him no matter what. the last two mornings when my alarm has gone off, i roll over to his side and rub his back and his leg and whatever else.....you would think he were dead!.... he continues to keep his back towards me (when pre-A he would have rolled right over to his back)..... today i did a little more but he didn't budge!! i finally got fed up and just got up and started getting ready for work. he was in bed until just about time for me to leave to take our son to school.....he took our daughter to work. i had already gone out of the room and wasn't going to go back and give him a kiss - - but i did... i squashed the feelings of wanting to shake him out of this crap.....i gave him a kiss and told him to have a good day. he didn't say anything.

someone recently told me i needed to quit doting on my H so he will wake up and realize what he'd be missing......right now i don't think he cares about what he'd be missing from me..... but, i read your posts and you encourage me to continue to love and care for my H (as it should be). i'll leave the 2x4's to others - - not me.

he, too, has said, 'the longer the time goes with NC, the better it is'..... i am so thankful for every single day there is no contact. this morning i did think about asking him though......because the way he's acting is how he did before (now that i know everything and can put the pieces together). i really don't think there has been contact, but i want to blame it on something.....

you said: "That is part of his recovery no more that once he is fog free he will be posting on his thread on how he wants you to hurry up and be over it cause he is doing all the right things now." (don't know how to quote yet)

i look forward to this change......i guess that's what i'll hang on to for today....knowing that when he's through this, he'll want to hurry up and be over it cause he's doing all the right things..... someday he'll love me again....

thanks wannamoveforward....i appreciate you. i will keep my chin up and hold my head high. i am loved - - even if it is just by my kids right now......and that's something to be happy about.

i am doing something for me today.....i'm getting my hair done (and boy does it need it....that's the problem with highlights....). i plan to take my 'homework' and really start racking my brain and getting some stuff written down. i will just worry about myself at this point and take care of my H as best i can in spite of the rejection. but, i have to take care of him so that i know i have done my best and everything possible to try to win him back....ultimately if it doesn't work out, i won't have that guilt over my head.....just the feelings of a failure....

my chin is up now! you have a good day. i'll check back later. i need to go to the office today but i'm not sure i'll have time.....eek...my deadline is friday! i've got transcribing to do too.....better get to work. talk to you later.

Don't let yourself feel this. When you start to feel it tell yourself "NO." Yes, there were things in your relationship that you were doing or not doing that made it possible for your H to have an A, but you also need to realize that you could have been the perfect wife and this may still have happened.

My H actually said those exact words to me...that I could have been PERFECT and he would still have had the A. Makes you feel kind of helpless to fight against it, but at the same time, it reminds you that you are not at fault.

You are fighting the good fight. You are loving your H even when he may not be able to love himself or anyone else. You are standing by him through his "sickness." I am sure that he appreciates it even if he is unable to tell you right now.

MogiSola

(used to be "MTH" backwards)

Thanks MogiSola ~

I will work on this.....it comes and goes really. usually when we take a step backwards, it's then that i'm reminded it was my fault. it's hard to accept the fact that an A could have happened anyway..... does this mean i will never trust him again because i'll always be worrying about 'when' or 'if' it will happen again..... ug.

i will continue to fight this fight. i do love my H in spite of everything. i do recognize it's a 'sickness', but i'm looking forward to when he opens up to the cure.... maybe i'll know someday how much he appreciates me....or if he does...

thanks again. i won't give up!

2B1,

Pre-A marital problems may have been 50% yours /50% his.
Please remember the choice to have an Affair is 100% HIS.
Do not accept the blame for his inconsiderate and selfish choice.

i will try to remember this when i get down and want to blame myself...

i wish now that i could fast forward the clock to get through this already..... my heart just keeps ripping.....

gosh,, what is happening to us..................................

((((2b1again))))

If I can make it, you can make it. We'll hold each other together with duct tape and superglue if need be. Hmmmm...maybe we could catch the OW and use it on her...no, no, that's not a good idea...

I know it is tough. I can see on your Hs thread that he is really working hard to get through this too. Maybe if you can try to look at it from the perspective of being on the same team. Sometimes that works for me and my H. We realize that we both are struggling (and it hurts) but that in the end, we're both working toward the same goal. It allows both of us a little extra room for growing pains.

Mogi