he said that we would play it by ear for seeing his folks.Maybe a change of heart,guess I will wait and see....
Is he afraid of his folks crashing on you? Is he afraid that he'll have to discuss what happened with them?
Eventually, he will have to face the issue. It can't just lay there forever. The elephant in the sitting room will always remain until it is addressed in some way.
He may be thinking that it is a way to protect you by keeping you from feeling overwhelmed by the uncomfortable feelings that will be sure to be there. But it might also be because he just doesn't want to address the problem right now and is afraid of his own discomfort.
Have his folks generally been supportive and accepting of you since you got married? Do they seem vindictive to you when you talk to them on the phone? I assume from what you've said that they have talked to you more than to Intro lately. Do they seem willing to forgive and still show you enough respect that you won't have to live in fear of a huge fight taking place or anything like that?
Yeah, it's a real mess and I'm sure you never gave any of this stuff a single thought. But that is part of the destructive nature of an affair. Though the feelings at the time are all good and self gratifying, the ramifications of the actions are never considered and when the consequences catch up, they can be a real problem to deal with.
But it can be something you can use to fuel changes in yourself to make sure it never will happen again and more importantly, to show Intro that it will never happen again. While I'm sure that it is something you would just like to try to forget, it will do you much more good in the long run to remember what happened. That is not to say that you should dwell on the affair or the feelings during the affair, but on the devastation brought about by it and the feelings of remorse and sorrow over it should remain with you for a long time to come.
Remembering those kinds of things should give you added incentive to take steps that prevent you from ever having to feel those things ever again. But you are the one who has to deal with that. You have to recognize what it was you got from the affair and how it was that you fell into an affair and figure out what you will do differently from now on so that if the same conditions were to exist, you will make different choices.
That is how a WS earns their stripes to become a FWS. It isn't about higher commitment levels or more promises that can be broken as easily as the ones already broken. It is about protecting yourself from making those same choices in the future. Not by saying the right things, but by doing the right things is how you can turn this around and make your marriage stronger than before.
And you have already discovered the secret that eludes so many. You will make the most progress toward recovery by doing things together other than dealing with the affair. Don't either of you forget that. Talking about the affair needs to happen, but it will be by replacing the memories of the pain with new memories of enjoyment that you will reconnect and fall in love all over again.
Mark
)-- ride this "high" for all its got!