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Porn and cheating
#2109424 08/13/08 02:37 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
Oklahoma City, Ok
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kilted_thrower
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I'm curious about this. I've read in a few threads where one posts that their SO is cheating on them with internet or other porn.

I guess I find this strange since my W doesn't see viewing or looking at porn as cheating. We at one point tried to use it in the M but she tends to start laughing because she thinks it's ridiculous.

So, I'd like to see for those of you that do find it cheating, why?


Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)
Re: Porn and cheating
kilted_thrower #2110025 08/14/08 02:47 PM
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It is cheating if one spouse thinks it is and the other does it.
Re: Porn and cheating
kilted_thrower #2110038 08/14/08 03:01 PM
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I kinda think it deserves it on classification, but they are similar.

If a woman is using porn, I don't know that a husband feel like he's been cheated on...it'd be something else.

If it is openly discussed and excepted, it doesn't have the same effects I would think.

There is no OW/OM in this situation nor any emotional aspect, so I would think recovery would be a little bit easier.

I don't think there would be much of a WS fog.

However, porn is usually hidden and thus lying, like an affair. And then I would think it could have similar effects to the BS's self-esteem.

Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
Re: Porn and cheating
kilted_thrower #2110045 08/14/08 03:11 PM
Joined: May 2002
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Quote
So, I'd like to see for those of you that do find it cheating, why?

Okay, for ME, I find pornography to be a form of "maritial unfaithfulness," of "infidelity of thought."

Some people don't think infidelity involves anything but actual physical sex WITH someone.

Others think an Emotional Involvement with someone other than one's spouse IS an "Affair"(a form of adultery).

Pornography is NOT "sex therapy," it is a Big Businsess with the sole goal of making money for the people who produce it. It is NOT "marriage counseling" either.

At best, it might a form of voyeurism without physically being "in the room" with the performers.

For the "unwary," it also tends to put the "emphasis" of lovemaking with one's spouse on performance and techniques rather than on sharing of intimacy.

Those are some of MY reasons. Others will undoubtedly chime with theirs.
Re: Porn and cheating
ForeverHers #2110276 08/15/08 07:19 AM
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The thing is, how is it different from an internet affair? Internet affairs can be just as damaging as a full blown PA. There may not be the emotional involvement with porna s there is in an internet affair, but you are still investing energy in something that your wife believes should be directed at her alone. She may also feel humiliated and degraded by it - not because of the porn itself, but because she feels she can't satisfy your needs herself so you have to look elsewhere. It doesn't really matter WHY she feels you are cheating on her, the fact that she does means that you are.

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