I'm in a completely different jurisdiction but in all cases I have ever known or heard of except one, the best visitation/custody terms have always come from those where both parties could agree on outside of the courts. While your WW is the type of person you obviously want to limit or restrict contact with your kids, she is still their mother. She has agreed to terms that are in your favour. Should she mess this up, you can later go for supervised access. At least you know in the meantime they are spending most of their time with you.

Doesn't mean she is a GOOD one...and it doesn't mean she should have access to the kids.

DNA DOES NOT A MOMMY MAKE!

Livin' it,
Kim

I don't disagree with you but growing up without access to a parent is not an ideal situation either (spoken by someone who raised a son who was abandoned by his father which was for the best but didn't leave him unscarred either).

I understand Tabby.

But nothing about this is ideal now.

At this point everything is damage control.

I made it clear to WW that these were MY terms and this was MY attorney. Of course I compromised somewhat to reach an agreement. But, she knows that the alternative is to fight it out in court and that I will then bring up ALL of her indiscretions in front of and to the kids.

She also knows that I will not hesitate to request supervised visiation if I deem it necessary. I may not get it...but it would mean she would have to spend money on her own attorney and leave things up to a judge.

In the meantime, I am FULLY protecting the one child in this that I can...the baby I'm adopting!

Just out of curiosity, what do you tell the baby when she asks about her "mother"? Isn't your WS the only mom she's really known? I have a granddaughter her age and my granddaughter would be unconsolable to be separated from her mom.

Princess, I think she has asked for "mommie" maybe ONCE in the past month. I know this will be a difficult subject to explain to her in the coming years; but, right now, she is better off being free from all of the drama. I think this is in her best interest.

Honestly, she was always more attached to me anyway (not bragging...just honest). She RARELY seems to notice WW is gone.

That's good then. I understand. I was a daddy's girl myself.

Got a call this evening from WW. Since the kids were with her, I answered, thinking one of them might be using her phone.

She said she wanted to "talk" to me for a minute. She asked me if I thought I could ever love her again and if I wanted my family restored.

I simply responded with one syllable..."NOPE."

After 20-30 seconds of dead silence, I then went on to say,"You have left such a huge path of destruction...ruining lives, being unfaithful, destroying ministries, and hurting your own children...I could never consider life with you again. What kind of example would I then be setting for the kids?"

She seemed shocked at my answer...not sure what she was expecting. I asked her if that was all, she replied I guess so, and I said good-bye.

My guess is that N-OM pushed her aside as well and she thought she could now just run back "home." I can not subject myself to her poisonous ways any more!

Part of me just wants to say WOW
and the other part is not even surprised.

She really thought you would be her fall back plan after all this crap, didn't she?

She could go out and have her fun, then repent and come back and all would be well.

I feel sorry for her, because she is such a lost soul. She really desperately needs prayer.

Tell us the plain truth, ABw/3, is there a small part of you that feels like caving in when she comes to you crying and distraught? If you weren't afraid of what people would say, if people wouldn't call you weak, would you be tempted?

I pray that you will be strong and not be sucked back in.

And don't let this make you bitter; life will get better!

Sounds like Ab3 has actually defined his new boundaries. Good for you.


ALL Blessings,
Jerry

HONESTLY, up until this last revelation with the pregnancy and the NEW-OM/Preacher, I MAY have been tempted.

I think I even surprised myself a little with how quickly I was able to say NO!

No regrets on my part. I did do ALL I could to "restore my family," but some things I sinply cannot overlook anymore.

I pray that God will forgive her and that she will someday return to Him, but she IS NOT returning to me again!

Wow. I had to double-check the date on that post, I thought maybe I was a few pages back and reading about the *last* time she tried that...

Good for you for being strong and not caving. That's a big change from the beginning of this thread. But then, a lot has changed since then.

Ab, you deserve about a gazillion kudos for the *strength* and the moral fiber that you have exhibited, in putting the good of your children first and foremost. You could have become bitter and vengeful. But no, you aren't trying to drag her name through the dirt, you aren't trying to humiliate her or retaliate; you are only doing what is necessary to protect your kids' welfare as best you can.

And you are single-handedly parenting them, and doing an awesome job of it. Even going through an adoption process and taking your son to tournaments!

It would be so easy for you to start bashing women as a result of your experiences with your WW. But you are so much stronger than that. I want to thank you.

I think I've only done what most good parents would do, and...yes, I was a little indecisive at first...but I REALLY was COMPLETELY blindsided!

Looking back now, I know that there was nothing I could have done any differently that would have changed her heart.

I'm just glad that I've regained my sanity and that my kids are still interested in religion at all.

To God be the glory!
I just want to move on with my life now and raise my kids.

BTW, I woke up this morning to a new text from WW stating she hopes I can forgive her someday.

I'm sure tomorrow or the next day I'll be getting cursed at again.

I think she equates forgiveness with coming home.

Even when you do forgive, it's not for HER, it'll be for YOU...and has NOTHING to do with reconcilliation.

I highly doubt she "gets" that.

You can forgive a person, but that doesn't mean they will be a part of your life.

I do understand that, and I CAN forgive her.

However, telling her that would, in her mind, imply that I want her back...that is NOT the case!

I may forgive, but I doubt I will ever forget.

AW3,
I am so impressed with your moral fiber and strength. I know it has been tough, but you have made it through the process and are beginning a new life with all good potential ahead of you! I wish you the best as you wrap up all of the loose ends and continue raising this wonderful family you have.

Thank you V4G, again...to God be the glory!

Got more texts today asking if I wanted my family "restored."

Of course, when I said not with her as a part of it, she assumed I had "somebody else." (I don't!)

Amazing that she thinks everyone needs "somebody else" in their lives in order to be happy. I guess that shows her maturity and mentality.

She even resorted to saying that she would tell the kids that I said no because she said they thought I still loved her. I just responded that I would always care about her well-being and pray for her and that my kids knew EXACTLY how I felt.

BTW, the kids said she never discussed it with them during their visit. They also said that N-OM was around both nights that they were there.

Oh well...

Oh that just makes my blood boil, especially the highlighted part. She is trying to use the children to manipulate you.
Seriously, has she always had the maturity of a 9 yr old??

AW3, if I was you, I wouldn't bother to respond to those kinds of texts at all.