Oh and as an afterthought some background.... in-laws have not been involved previous to seperation other than birthdays, holidays, and an occasional dinner in between.......

Thought that may fill in the background. Relationship with them has been tense for many years

Why invite the enemy into your home? Your ILs have made it clear where they stand. Do you actually trust your MIL to NOT say anything inappropriate to your kiddos? You can choose not to have people in your life that are enemies to your family. These people, family or not, fit the bill.

Hi Meggy!
Well, I second the vomit! As for the update, I agree I know where they stand, however I did contact them and had a good conversation with them and I am glad that I contacted them because they informed me that they have filed for visitation. I said that I am not preventing them from seeing the children they had not till yesterday asked in months. I also agree about the not trusting her, but I told them that one of the rules for the visit will have to be that there will be no talk about them or the visit will end. I also said that it will take place here and I will have a pair of friends here as support just in case, so they are aware of the rules and such and they are fine with it, we also talked about what I have been told is their stand on things and they corrected some they said that they did not take them out for mothers day and that they have not welcomed her into the family and that they do not agree with what he has done, but he is their son and they are going to support him. They also confirmed that I do not have heat for this winter that they will not be providing that through the real estate business, but that he could talk to a few contacts to try to get me a better deal than just anyone else who calls in, I told him no thank you that if they were not going to provide for the children and I that I needed to take care of it on my own. He told me that there was no reason to be proud and not ask or accept help. I don't think of that as help, or being proud, but they are standing behind their son and I made sure that they knew that I am standing for my marriage and God. Please just pray pray pray for grace and for me to zip my lips! I have counseling tomorrow morning and then they will be coming tomorrow evening at 6pm. Oh, and in regard to the b-day gift I told them that they gave daughter $5 for her b-day in Jan and said that was all they could afford, so that would be all that would be acceptable for son's b-day. I also reiterated that this is a first step toward (re)building a relationship.

Did I do okay? Any suggestions for tomorrow? Visit will happen outside so that if things get to where they need to end we can go inside and they can leave.

I keep envisioning that the purpose of their whole "visit" is to scope out the enemy's camp and take the news back to WH. I would NOT let them in the house for any reason.

They have filed for visitation???

Why would they feel that was necessary? They're preparing for battle. They could have just been giving you lip service and trying to get along just so they could do the visit.

I think you're very smart to have others there as witnesses to what goes on tomorrow. Be very very careful.

I'm a grandma KB, and I gotta tell ya, when it comes to my grandkids... they ARE first. If I saw my kids misbehaving or hurting their kids, you can betcha I would take my kids to task for hurting my grandbabies. Your ILs aren't doing this. They're looking out for their son and themselves. Otherwise, they'd be telling your WH to get his act together.

klb, for what it may be worth, I am with Princesmeggy on this.

If they are "supporting" their son, they are the ENEMY.

They are at best, enablers, and at worst, actively working to take your children away from you.

Stand your ground.

They have NO rights as grandparents, and I speak as a grandparent. ONLY the parents have rights, unless they can get you convicted of being an "unfit mother."

If you want to have them over, keep it short and to the point, then tell them it's time to leave. Be certain that you DO have others there who will support YOU.

One of the consequences of their son's actions is that THEY lose the right to see the grandchildren "whenever THEY want to."

Stick by the consequences and let them live with their "support" for their son. Remember, this is NOT between your children and the grandparents, this is between you and your husband, with the grandparents already "choosing sides" in the "battle."

God bless.

I agree totally, I believe that they are scoping and I am planning to have the visit take place outside on the patio. My friends are behind me 100% they have both been victims of adultery and unfortunately one spouse left and divorced and one died from drugs, but they are recently married but not so far away from the pain themselves to forget the fight and struggles. They both knew WH from church and they have been new to reentering my life with the change in churches and all, but they have been praying for me and helping and supporting me in my stand for my marriage.
However, all this being said.... I am scared to death about tomorrow, but I have been reading "A Life God Rewards" by Bruce Wilkenson and I think that God will bless me for yet again doing the hard thing, when on the phone with them I did not cuss yell or even raise my voice and the children were not privy to the call either they were elsewhere, so none of those things could be called to question. Yet when questioned about some of the things that I had heard or was told by WH they denied many of them, so I again agree that they are preparing for battle or at least they are trying to infiltrate to ensure that WH will retain a way of seeing the children. I am scared about the school situation because the PFA does not specifically name them they aren't covered by it when I am not with them and I don't have any funds left to pursue the custody agreement I need another $1000 and I don't have that especially now that f-in-l made it clear today that the real estate business with my WH and him will not be paying for the heat this year that I need to find a way to pay for it on my own, so I believe that I will be giving up my internet connection, the house phone is in WH name and they couldn't/wouldn't turn it off he has to do that so they told me that I am not legally liable that even if he doesn't pay it or turn it off that I will have it for a few months while he racks up yet more debt they also told me that I shouldn't have paid it all along, but I didn't know I thought that I was doing the right thing! Oh well, live and learn. What can I do about the school thing? Is there anything?
So, tomorrow morning I have counseling is there something specific I should ask her about and deal with for tomorrow night. Also tomorrow night my parents are picking up 5yr old for overnight so that I can prepare for his b-day party on Sunday! That is the other out clause for the in-laws to have to leave!
How easy of a task is this? What is involved? I ask because since WH hasn't abused or molested the children the courts say here that he is entitled to 50% custody! He said under oath on the stand that he has agreed to primary custody with me and supervised occasional visitation for him. However, his parents have made vague threats before that they would fight for his custody to ensure that if he ever changes his mind that he would not have lost his children. I have assured them that that is not the situation that I love my H and that I am praying for him to get his life together and hear God's voice again and become the man that I know he is capable of being and that the custody argreement that was discussed is for now since he doesn't have his life right and can/will be revisited when things change. I don't think they liked it though they have a lot of friends in good places and I think that they could do something underhanded. I don't know though, but I don't really have a good feeling about this.

This is one of the things that they brought up today on the phone and said that I am the one keeping them from the kids, but until yesterday they have made no attempts of any kind to see them. It isn't like I am laying around eating bonbons and doing nothing! They act as if I am not busy and dealing with alot of emotional and physical things! I am still having complications from the physical abuse!!!! I have to go back to the dr again at the end of the month and have tests done on my knee from him kicking me! How is it that I am the bad gal? Oh yeah that's right when they stop buying into satan's doings and leadings! Oh please pray for the children and I, I am scared now, but I believe that God is with me and he will protect us ultimately and maybe he will use this to change their hardened hearts!

I take it that the grandparents are not believers.

As such, don't let YOUR understanding of what God has said blind you to the fact that they are operating AGAINST God's commands and teaching.

"Leave and Cleave" is the simplest one. THEY want to "stay involved" for their own benefit, not for the benefit of the children.

If there is a divorce and if your husband gets 50% custody, you cannot keep HIM from allowing his parents to see the children, but you will need to get an attorney to tell you what "limitations," if any, can be placed in the divorce decree.

Let's not lose sight of WHO committed adultery here and WHO is condoning that action instead of standing for what would be best for the marriage AND for the children.

God bless.

This is another thing. I would have no more discussions with them about custody, the divorce, your feelings, their son, etc. Keep it strictly business (as in just a visit). If they press, just tell them that you have been advised to not discuss the pending case with anyone other than your attorney. Let them put that in their pipe and smoke it.

You don't reveal your plans to the enemy.

I understand, I agree and I am trying to heed. I have never been good at hiding things. I will do my very best to zip my lips from now on especially with them. They are not Christians, my M-in-L was baptized at 13 a believer but is very new age and eastern thought. My F-in-L is a works guy, always going on missions trips and wanting to do, but not wanting to get his heart right he feels God will decide he has been as good a person as anyone else, right? So, I guess I am not really surprised by WH's choices they are reflective of his parents choices and beliefs.
I am preparing to leave for counseling then home to clean the house and play with the kids and pray before "they" come. I find this all so surreal, they didn't bother with us before they didn't want anything to do with us they didn't have the time or interest and now this! I wish they would all just fade away and leave us alone. D is finally starting to smile and laugh again, now we face another step back because the panic attacks are starting again, with facing school changes and this too! She is not too good at change if you haven't noticed. Son is oblivious. I told him that his g-parents were coming to see him and he said oh okay and just went on about playing. Friends are concerned that "they" are going to try to take one of the kids or do something otherwise not right. I don't know I want to believe that they wouldn't do more harm to the children, emotionally speaking, but I they just don't think like we do! Self before others I think that could be their family motto. Sad, so very sad!

Well, the visit has come and gone. It went well all things being considered. They brought gifts from WH, and daughter was uncomfortable and went to another room for most of visit (it lasted about 30 mins). She was polite, but was uncomfortable. B-day boy was just excited for gifts, he visited with them for a little playing with his new toy, and then wandered off. In-laws made small talk with the friends that were here. Only real uncomfortable thing is the reminder that WH will see kids soon, but it isn't like I want to keep him from children I just want it to happen away from OW and in a safe controlled way! If WH got angry and hurt me is it really too far out of line to think it could happen again?
I called and notified both lawyers today about the visit and for advisement as to how to proceed with them, but neither called me back, so I will see if I hear from them tomorrow. I think I really need to find the funds to formalize the current verbal custody agreement to get some safety for the children and I.
I am exhausted, but cant seem to get the adrenaline to disipate so that I can even sit still...... Time to go spend some time with God and thank him for today and for his provision and calm myself and gain some God perspective. Thank you all for your prayers and wisdom.
Oh and Meggy they were definitely scoping, it rained here so they were inside after all and made sure to look and check it all out...How annoying what could they possibly find, after all these years they should know what a compulsive neat freak I am!!!! Oh well....
KLB

Well done!

Okay, so I haven't heard from either lawyer as to how to proceed with these people, so I am just going to give the situation to the Lord and wait upon Him. The kids and I are doing good. It is a little scary to say that, I don't want to backslide, but we are doing really good!!!

KLB

PLEASE Pray for us today. satan has been attacking my mind and I am struggling with depression today. Son's b-day is today and I am really missing WH!!!! Thank you all for helping me stand so strong in the midst of this storm.

KLB

{{{{{{{{{KLB}}}}}}}}}

Mark just gave me this and it moved me to tears. I am praying for you and your family. Be good to yourself and your children today. Remember G-d doesn't have grandchildren.

Psalm 77 from The Message, a modern English translation.

1 I yell out to my God, I yell with all my might, I yell at the top of my lungs. He listens.

2-6 I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord;
my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal.
When friends said, "Everything will turn out all right,"
I didn't believe a word they said.
I remember God—and shake my head.
I bow my head—then wring my hands.
I'm awake all night—not a wink of sleep;
I can't even say what's bothering me.
I go over the days one by one,
I ponder the years gone by.
I strum my lute all through the night,
wondering how to get my life together.

7-10 Will the Lord walk off and leave us for good?
Will he never smile again?
Is his love worn threadbare?
Has his salvation promise burned out?
Has God forgotten his manners?
Has he angrily stalked off and left us?
"Just my luck," I said. "The High God goes out of business
just the moment I need him."

11-12 Once again I'll go over what God has done,
lay out on the table the ancient wonders;
I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished,
and give a long, loving look at your acts.

13-15 O God! Your way is holy!
No god is great like God!
You're the God who makes things happen;
you showed everyone what you can do—
You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble,
rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph.

Praying KLB!

God's Blessings,

Say

Thank you everyone, please keep praying, I just put the children to bed and I am still struggling. Those three beautiful precious children laying asleep upstairs should have been more important, it should have mattered that they were going to be crushed and their lives destroyed. I don't matter right now, they do!!!! I love my children so very much and can't even imagine living one day with no real purpose for being away from them, to abandon them? No way, I just cannot fathom the selfishness that that would take to walk away! Now he wants to fight and say that it was my fault, no it wasn't my fault and it isn't my fault, he is the one who needs to just look into any mirror or to look at where he is calling "home" to see who and what is to blame for his circumstances!!!! I am tired of him and his selfishness and betrayal, I am tired of the pain, I am tired of the constant caring and love, I do I still love him, but I don't think that I can for right now I need to worry about these kids and about myself so that I can care for them. No one else is worrying about that and no one else will all they all want is a piece of it all, not because they really care about the children or that it is what is best for them, but so that they can hurt me, that is so sick and demented!

God has never nor will he leave or forsake me or any of us who know and believe in him, somedays it is harder to find him in the daily battle, but he is there all around us and I am fighting so hard to just see that every minute every hour every day I look and find God in the midst of the chaos. Be it in the silly things the kids do to make me laugh, or the beautiful flower that bloomed from out of no where in the middle of my lawn, or the baby kittens who have made their home in my shed, or the check that comes unexpectedly, or the phone call that comes at just the right time, or so many other things that we forget to thank God for providing, yet alone even realize that they were a gift from Him to get us through the next moment! I struggle with the human loneliness of not having help to figure out how to fix the leaky faucet or how to get everything done that I think needs doing in one day, and the sheer need to remain in constant motion to avoid the times like now where I am sitting and reflecting. I am trying to put it all into perspective and I know that in the end when I get to the other side of the valley and can look back over this time I will see clearly what the Lord was doing in and through me and my children and maybe even in my WH, but for now I need to learn contentment in the sheer belief and fact that God IS at work and that He WILL get the glory for what WILL happen.
Heavenly Father, I thank you for this pain and time to really learn about You and putting You first place in my heart and life. I thank you for the woman that you are changing me into. Lord there are so many WS out there tonight who have been deceived by the father of lies, satan. You promise in Your Word that the time is coming soon that You will come and judge, but until that time please Father send your Holy Spirit's convicting power into the hearts and minds of the lost and deceived, bring these men and women to the lowest points of their lives where there truly is NO escape except through Your Son Jesus Christ, bring them to true repentance and healing I pray so that families can be reunited and bring You honor and glory and through the miracle of seeing families restored others may see You and be won to Your mighty kingdom. Let these lost and deceived fall to their knees right now tonight Father and seek you and confess it all to You and seek restoration with You and then to seek their families out and confess and seek restoration with them. Work in the hearts and minds of the betrayed tonight Father, give them comfort, give them peace, give them grace so that they can extend mercy, give them Your healing Father and Your love. Father I thank you for the miracles that are happening tonight and I wait patiently for You to work in my own family and in my own WS and in my heart. I love you and I thank you and praise You, in Jesus' powerful and beautiful name. Amen.

May you each receive your full measure of comfort and peace tonight and have a blessed Lord's day tomorrow. God's blessings to you all..... Love, KLB

Thank you Queenie! That really touched me to hear that Psalm in that translation. I am really struggling with pain tonight, I know that the Lord is holding me close and that he has not forsaken me or isn't far from me but the pain tonight is so raw. I am praying for you and your WH. I pray that you too will see God surrounding you with his mercy and grace.
Love to you....
KLB

Sorry so long in being away, I had to have the internet/cable turned off at home! Well, it is official I was served my papers on Tuesday.... My in-laws are suing me for partial custody of the children! I think my life has a very distinct and definite parallel to Job, so I am hanging on tight and waiting for my blessing. I spoke with my lawyer he has already spoken with the other lawyer and we will see what happens, my lawyer feels that they will probably walk away with something which is really sad because these people have never bothered with the children! Kids are saddened by all of this but are praying for God to prevail. I just am saddened and frustrated by all of this! They are basing this on grounds of being denied the right to see the children, but were invited over last week to see children for son's b-day, oh well, I know that God's word is true now I just need to be patient and see how he works?? Let me know if anyone has any advice. I will try to get to the library to check on Monday, but that will be the soonest I will be able to get back.

Praying for a miracle...
KLB

It is now Tuesday afternoon and I stopped at the library on my way home from the Dr's office to vent.... I just found out that my chest wound is not healing very well, so they put me on different medication and she said that it will probably be months of recovery time from this and my other major injuries. It has been 2 months since the altercation and I am really frustrated. I am good with knowing that it is in God's will and timing so that is fine, but they want me to stop lifting... Hello, I am a single mom with a 1 year old! I don't know how that is totally possible. Beautiful little man is laying across my lap sleeping right now! Okay enough I am going to focus on the blessings, the sun is shining, the kids were so excited for school this morning, we have a new principal and guidance counselor that are taking an interest in them and caring about them! I am so blessed and I am so thankful, but sometime so overwhelmed!
How do I put him out of my daily mind and move on? I am not sure what I am "moving on" to? I thought we were moving towards selling the house and moving to NC with my sister, but it looks now like those are not the plans that God has for me and the kids.
I hope that everyone else is staying strong and having a good last hurrah for the summer, we are heading to mom and dad's boat for the weekend. I am looking forward to some sunshine and time away from the house and its needs....
God's blessings to all....
KLB

Are they suing for custody or visitation rights? I can't see any judge granting them ANY custody as long as there is a mom and dad in the picture.