And just to add to wildhorse's advise, it is far easier to "nip it in the bud" now than it would be to get him to stop bringing her after she has already come.

That's true, Tabby.

My WxH said at the time "what does it matter if I go drop her off and then come back for DDs? You know after I pick up DDs I'm going to go get her, too."

The difference is that you don't have to ALLOW it on your own property and in your presence.

It is "in your face" disrespect when they bring the OWs with them.

What they do away from you is out of your control. What they do on your property IS in your control.

Fox

I agree with all who said that she should never show her face at your door. That is just not a picture you need to have in your mind forever.

But, for just a moment, allow me to shine the light of reality on your WxH's fantasy.

as mentioned earlier, he is trying to normalize his relationship. This is a sign that the relationship is all ready going bad. He is trying to breathe new life into it by making it "normal". OW is probably chewing on him to "make your wife just get over it". YOU are still the biggest threat to their R, and OW knows it. Not because you are trying to be a threat, and you would never take him back anyway. But OW will always worry that he will someday miss the mother of his children. WxH and OW are convinced that if they could just make everyone else accept their R and see how perfect they are togehter,then life would be wonderful. But that is just not reality.

Picture now, the car ride to their house. 7 hours?? forgive me for a moment - but I have to laugh! 2 kids in the back seat for 7 hours? OW will make that trip once. Just once. Your 14 year old is going to be the moody teenager, staring out the window and listening to her Ipod. The younger one will talk all the time "Daddy, you know what Mommy and I did the other day???" "Daddy, see that store over there, Mommy and I went there and bought candy" "Daddy, can I call Mommy now?" "Daddy, I have to go potty"

Them living together puts a huge strain on their R. Having the kids for the weekend is even worse.

Trust me, your H will not live happily ever after with this OW, or the next one, or the one after that. I feel sort of sorry for the guy - his past history shows that he has a habit of jumping from one R to another in search of the "perfect woman" who will happily meet all his needs and ask for nothing in return. He is in that lonely group of people who honestly believe that if they have to work at a R, then it is not the R for them. that when he finally finds his "soul mate" he will know, becuase everything will be glorious and require no effort. Poor fool.

Hey! I think you've met my DDs!


Fox

Ohhh...and with that sqwinchy face scowling crossed armed thing that teenage girls are sooooooo good at.

Don't forget the eye roll accompanied by that tsk-like sound only a teenage girl can produce!

Never been in this situation, but if I were I'd ignore her as best as I could. I'd acknowledge her presence only by making comments that she could hear like..."What on Earth is that smell? It smells like sh&t." Of course you may not want your children to hear this so perhaps you can call some of your girlfriends over to help out. If the OW is a big enough idiot to step out of the car and approach your doorstep, your friends could insult her while you are in the house getting your children's things together. If the exH stays outside with her, then he can get an earful too or if he goes inside, they can let her have without even talking directly to her. They could carry on a conversation between themselves talking about what a tramp "some people" must be to (fill in the blank). Be creative and don't hold back. Unless she's a glutton for punishment, I would think she'd never want to come back. If your exH gets pissed. Good. Maybe next time he'll leave his whore at home and hopefully she will be all crazy POed on the drive home. Good Luck!!!

Made all the better if she is open mouthed chewing gum! The complete package of disrespect!

I've already made it very clear WH is not to bring her to my house. I told him that she gets him 28 days out of the month, his kids get 2, so he can come w/out her! Then he hung up the phone on me.

My almost 14 year old is my son. Still moody though. The OW is closer to age to him than to WH. Yuck!

I hope WH doesn't bring her, but I'm sure she's really pushing the issue. I guess we'll see.

While I agree with the feelings you are expressing, I sincerely believe that insulting the OW and acting out towards will result in harm being done to the kids. She WILL take it out on them.

Please be careful.

If she does show up, I won't fistfight her on my lawn. I wouldn't even go outside, I'd just send my kids out. I wouldn't say anything either. I'm sure WH would love to see us fight over him, and that won't happen.

I knew the time would come when OW wouldn't be content to stay hidden. WH still acts like she doesn't exist for the most part around me. I can't believe he risked his career by having an affair w/ her. His job matters more to him than anything else.

I'm sure it would bug OW more if she doesn't even get a glimpse of me.

You know, sl77, he can always leave her up at the corner gas station when he picks up your kids. [maybe she can turn tricks in the men's bathroom? :D] If it were me, she would not be on my property. There would be ramifications that she would regret.

What harm can be done to the children? Their father's behavior is already doing harm to them. If the OW takes anything out on the children she'll be giving their mother a reason to seek legal recourse to keep them away from her ex while the OW is present and they will only have more reason to hate her. I doubt this woman fully appreciates what she is in for. She and the exH probably want to the kids to love them both and act like they are one big happy family. Anything could happen, but I would see this woman trying very hard to make the children like her vs being nasty towards them. Maybe she will get a rude awakening that they aren't going to welcome her with open arms and she will realize that maybe this guy isn't worth all the drama.

Either way, I would definetly talk to the children before they are exposed to the OW whether or not she shows up at the house. How do they feel towards her? Do they realize that she is not a good person and had a part in breaking up their family? While I wouldn't encourage the children to act out, I would also make it clear that she is not a nice person and they do not have to like her just because their father is with her.

I'm not sure if this is a serious question or not.


firs off, you are assuming that the type of behavior could allow for legal recourse. Most doesn't. And it isn't the job of the children to HAE her. If their father marries this woman, she will be a part of their lives for a number of years. Trust me, a step parent can add a lot of anxiety to a kids life if they so choose...and sometimes the courts can do NOTHING about it. The children should be protected...told the truth...but protected against the battles of the parents. And if the children are NOT respectful to the OW ho, then the father could also add a lot of stress and pressure to their lives.

IMHO, a parent should talk to their kids about the truth but do nothing that could possibly add harm to their lives. In this case, the dad is already doing enough of that himself.

True she can "punish" the children in various ways. I understand what you are saying but I don't think the OW's first encounter with the children will be anything else than trying to make them like her. The fact that she wants to make a 7 hr drive to pick them up makes me think she is looking for some sort of acceptance from them and/or to make their father happy. I agree it's not the children's job to hate her. But if she does choose to mistreat the children in any way, they likely will hate, dislike, or resent her anyway.


I agree with everything you just said. I wouldn't expect the children to be rude or disrespectful to their father or the OW, but I also wouldn't expect them to feel obligated to act like they are happy she is around either. They can be civil and well mannered. Only sl77 knows what her husband is capable of and how heavy handed he may be with the kids if he gets mad that his kids aren't sucking up to the OW and making her feel all warm and fuzzy.

sl77 are your children excited to see their dad at all?

My kids really do want to see their dad. I don't think WH will force them to be around her...on second thought...who knows.

The kids know WH and OW committed adultery. And that is the reason we are divorced. I also told the kids I will not be friends w/ WH or OW, because I am not friends w/ anyone that treats me w/disrespect.

I will admit, I hope OW is worried about me and WH. He'd still be "intimate" w/ me, if he could. Shoulda printed out some of the IM's I got from him.

But she's young and probably thinks he's so wonderful. I just pray that they are never content or at peace w/ themselves. Like every other BS, I don't want to see them happy together.

Wouldn't it be sad if your kids, after having their family destroyed so your H could chase his "happiness," had to compete with this woman for his attention?

I know I really loved competing with my various step mothers du jour that my father brought along for his annual visits. One time, around 8, I got CAR SICK from the back seat and PUKED in her wiglet. [projectile vomiting] WHOOPS!

LOL! I should give my daughter lots of sweets before hand!

They will feel like they have to compete for their dad's attention. They always had to. The sad thing is, the OW will win.

Sometimes I've thought of doing things just to cause problems between them. WH gets quite upset when I text him. She probably hates every phone call, text and email. So, I have on occasion, sent him a text just to be annoying.

I would imagine your children just miss their dad and want some sort of relationship with him. Do they say how they feel about the OW? I can only hope that this first meeting with the children is a wake up call to this bimbo once they are actually in front of her and they aren't just faces in a picture she sees while dreaming how she will be such good buds with them or whatever is in her head. Very sad that your children have to be exposed to this sl77. Hang in there.

Sweet! OW

But of course it would not be right to your daughter. But what if you would send a *really* annoying toy with your 9 yo? Like a noisy and fun computer game to use in the car? It could drive your 14 yo insane too but hey, that's what Ipods are for.

Seriously, I would say spend as little energy as possible on this. You don't have to let her into your house or even onto your property but as for the visit you can't control anything.