I hope that you are right. And that he continues to make that CHOICE.

I read this wrong the other day. WW used BF phone to call OM. OM lives out of state so he would not be able to get BF phone for the day. In the past WW used BF phone to call OM so I wouldn't see it.

I have been doing a lot of thinking on this one. The night WW sent this email I was out of town. WW BF was staying at our house that night so she was around when this was sent and for any chat that went on. Now I say WW is in love with BF. Either WW and BF are gay or they were screwing with him since I am assuming he didn't know WW BF was there. I would say the second option they were screwing with him is what went on. But that still means that WW has talked with this guy enough to know that he is up to this sort of thing with a married woman.

I have a recorder and will put it in place the next couple days.

She'll pick BF over you.......God, this is a UNIVERSAL reality. And I becoming fairly certain that if a woman is having an affair or contemplating becoming a walk away wife, female BF, in just about every instance, become a cheerleading squad. And the wife puts them AHEAD of the marriage, every time, it seems.

I tell you, IF your marriage inproves, this or these woman are an ENEMY of your marriage, but how does a husband ask their spouse to stop interacting with this "friend"?

I just don't read about male friends pushing husbands to leave, I have read some, but not many. Do you think this has something to do with the 80% of divorces being pushed by the wife??

How often does that happen? How often does your WW ask for BF to stay overnight when you're away?



Or it could be that BF is encouraging WW's infidelity.



Depending on what that recorder shows, you may also want to consider other things like hiring a PI to find out what BF and WW are up to when they think no-one's looking.

I am rarely away for a night. WW BF doesn't have a home right not. Her and her H are switching nights at home with the kids and this wasn't her time at home. WW BF stays wherever she can now, it's pretty pathetic.



Knowing WW and BF for the past 15 years I know they would have been sitting there together. They act like they are in high school again. I'm not dismissing WW on this though, I know there is more to this OM.

You simply make it a hard and firm boundary to move forward. Toxic BF's are NO FRIEND of marriages and should be removed as soon as you realize the level of toxicity.

We even sent a NC letter to BF, whereby my FWW (FogFree) explained that I was aware of how they conspired to lie to me about the A, and for our marriage to recover FWW would have to chose between BF and our M, and without question she would be choosing her M.

This message was brought to you by "the voice of experience".

So I will have to wait until WW is committed to working on our M before I go for NC with BF? This BF has been a very sore topic for the past 7 months. From the way I see it know is my M will never improve as long as BF is in the picture.

Agreed. BTW - was her staying overnight in your home ever discussed with you?

I knew she was going to be staying there. I didn't agree with it but didn't say anything. When we discuss BF the LB's start flying. I try hard not to do it but eventaully I lose it. I feel like BF is the OM sometimes.

Today is WW birthday. I am doing everything for her today as I normally would on this day. It was kind of strange buying a card for my WW. Everyone I read made me mad. I finally found one but it was hard to choose at this point in our M.

Big, BIG mistake. You're still doing the conflict avoidance thing to the detriment of your M. I kept silent about a lot of the "little" things I saw going wrong in our M, and my FWW interpreted my silence to HER benefit.

Try this: "Under no circumstances will I ever be in agreement with BF visiting or staying overnight in our home again, as I consider her actions as highly disrespectful to me and our M. Please do not bring her or invite her over again. I am also not prepared to discuss this further, as I believe that I've already made my feelings on this issue absolutely clear to you." And don't let your WW turn it into a debate. Repeat the last last line to her if she tries to do so.

You can also follow up with a call to the BF informing her that she is no longer welcome in your home.

I know the feeling. I actually stopped buying cards for my FWW at one point. All the little catchy poems on the cards seemed so fake. At one point I ended up creating cards of my own, and making up my own poem or two.

If I do this WW will choose BF over our marriage in a second. I have tried this before and she tells me the BF will always be in her life so WW BF and me will have to learn to work together.

Right now WW would rather be with BF than me. Is this the time to take a stand about BF?

NoName,

I think it comes down to whether you are ready to establish a boundary like ManInMotion suggested.

Like I've said before, I don't think your situation will improve until you are ready to draw a line or two in the dirt, and be prepared to WALK AWAY if they are crossed.

In my situation, no contact with toxic BF was a firm boundary and FogFree understood I was SERIOUS ... and that appears to be the critical difference.

Until you are ready to make that call and take those actions ... you will remain in limbo.

REMEMBER: Be the type of Husband that you would like your daughter to marry someday.

Then let her. I suspect that she will quickly revisit that choice, but if she doesn't, ask yourself if you'd actually be worse off than you are now.



Your response should be along the very same lines as I suggested before.



As far as entering your home, yes.

When you make it easier for BF and WW, not only are you taking part in enabling WW's anti-M activities, you are also losing the respect of your WW, by being a pushover.

So, in effect, you are willing to settle for second?

NoName

Man, I'm in the same situation concerning BF as you. WHile I havent come up with any evidence of an affair, my wife has threatened walkaway. I put a keylogger on her computer, lots of hurtful emails, but no hint of an affair.

BUt, her BF pushes and pushes her to leave, that she is only staying because of "her STUPID CATHOLIC MORALS". Her phone calls are nothing except for multiple calls to BF. Her BF marriage is a wreck, I know her husband and he is a waste of space as a husband, makes me look like Joe Husband.

Are there any things that your wife does that makes you think that she may be a lesbian? Any characteristics that are bothersome?
Has your wife ever made disparaging remarks about men, in general and often?

I know how hideous this feels. Nothing feels worse. Good luck man.

She has never given me any reason to think she is gay. I joked to a friend about it ahile ago.

I took action and didn't ask for advice. I wished I would have but the adrenalin got going and I had to say something. I was looking at her emails this morning. I looks like her and her friends hooked up with some guys from high school on Saturday night.

WW got really drunk and got sick. She thanked a new OM (OM3) for taking care of her and said she owes him one. She said she was happy they got a chance to get together. She went on to say if she didn’t tell him Saturday that he looked great and she hoped they could get together again soon. She claims this was all innocent and maybe this night is was but her comment about looking good and seeing each other again wasn’t.

Combined with the text messages and the invite to OM2 to chat, I couldn’t hold it in. She denied it at first, and then yelled at me about her private things. I stayed calm and told her she gives me reason to look and now I found something. She told me to leave it alone I told her I am trying to fight for my marriage so I won’t leave it alone. I said once you give me reason to trust you I will leave it alone.

I told her that if we are going to work on this then I need to set some boundaries for myself. Today is her birthday and I didn’t want to ruin it but she is one her way to tearing my life apart so I guess I don’t give a crap. She said she doesn’t know if she wants to work on us or not. She said our girls deserve to live in a home where their mother is happy. She agreed that we were at one time but she doesn’t think we can get back there. We are going to talk tonight.

This is it now, a decision needs to be made. I need her to commit to working on our marriage 100% or I’m walking away. Do I expose any of this or should I wait until I have more information?