If you were to say "your mother cheated on me 3X, therefore she os a wh@re"...you'd be badmouthing.

If you say "our marriage failed, because your mother had 3 affairs"...you aren't badmouthing...you're just being truthful.

The first would be badmouthing?? I thought it was true.

it felt good (in a weird way) calling her a whore to her face but i don't think i'd use that word during the ole father son talk

appreciate all the advice

True (all WW's, including mine, were/are wh@res)...but, also badmouthing.

Don't take my advice as gospel...like I stated, I don't have kids.

I too felt good saying those things to my WW....just telling her how it was. But, I'm in recovery now, so those words are off limits. Funny thing is that OM is using the exact same types of words to describe her (why wouldn't he...as far as he and his loser buddies are concerned...she is), but I have to bite my tongue.

Don't bad mouth her! But tell your son the TRUTH. She is an adulterer and a liar and adultery is a moral CRIME. Tell him WHY adultery is immoral. Tell him that the OM are bad men who carry on with a married woman and WHY it is bad.

That is your GOD GIVEN responsibility as a parent. You are not absolved of that responsibility just because your wife is immoral. It is not your job to whitewash the truth and teach a child that wrong is right to accomodate an immoral parent.

I don't post much these days (living out of A-land, deep in recovery) but I do read. And especially when it comes to dealing with children I pay close attention.

I am an advocate for telling children the truth...but also honoring that they don't necessarily want to hear all the gory details either (much like a BS).

My suggestion would be to open the door to asking questions, then let him lead you to want he wants to hear.

Something like..."Your mom and I's marriage broke up because of dishonesty and I don't want to be dishonest with you about it. There may be some things you may need to know, and some things you may not want to know. Are there any questions you have about your mom and I?"

If he asks...what should I know, then he is trusting you will tell him what you think is important to hear. If he begins to ask questions, it means he has really been mulling over and seeing some things that aren't quite right.

If given the opportunity to explain it all, I would qualify what you say with why you are saying it...something like, "I think it's important for me to tell you this now because mom's living situation may change. If she moves she may end up moving in with OM3. I want you to know that mom was dating OM3 before we got D'ed, which according to me, is cheating."

Answer each question honestly. If there is something tough to answer, it is completely acceptable to preclude it with, "This is my opnion..." or "Your mother may have a different story...." or "I didn't want you to know this..."

I understand the parent bashing thing is not helpful, and I've seen how that works. If you stick with the facts as you know it, and if you make a judgement, explain that is your judgement or opinion about the situation. It's when parents get into namecalling and judgements this can really be harmful...stick to the behavior and not the person.