What do you think of this?

A couple is walking down the street when a very attractive woman passes them. The man discreetly looks, entertains a few thoughts for a couple of seconds and then reaffirms what he has always known. His current woman is the best of the bunch and he will not wrong her. He DOES the right thing.

The woman knows what he is thinking and rebukes him. Even though he did nothing, she nails him for what he might have briefly though and felt. He FELT the wrong thing for a brief amount of time.

Is it fair to say that this describes how men and women look at relationships? Men judge based upon what they do, Wome judge based upon what is felt?

It seems to me that you focus an awful lot on the differences between men and women, auto. This isn't a criticism, but an observation. I notice that oftentimes people spend too much effort identifying irreconcilable differences, as though it's a wonder men and women can ever manage to get together at all.

Yes, there are differences. So what? Our responsibility is to learn to accept those differences in each other, while not compromising our own values and morals.

I agree with Seabird, auto. I see a recent explosion of these "women/men" threads on this board, and I think these generalities are mostly flawed, and largely futile.

When you are with the wrong person, it's not a matter of trying to prove to them that women are one way and men are another; it's time to find someone who thinks more like you. Period.

Trying to convince someone who does not see things your way that men see things differently from women is a losing proposition.

AGG

No, I don't think this is fair to say. I don't think the story is really accurate either. What about the times women check out good looking men? Personally, I miss the days when road construction workers worked shirtless. When a woman checks another man out, does the man she's with not notice? Or just say "Oh, isn't she assume? She noticed that guy but she didn't act."

Also, imgaine a situation where a woman falls for another man, BUT she doesn't have an EA or PA. She goes to her husband and says "Honey, I don't know this man well. I only see him at meetings, but I've got a terrible crush on him. I know he's probably not as great as you, so I'm just going to hang with you." Will her husband "Oh, good choice, sweetie. Your actions are good, so I'm not going to call you on this."

Wide sweeping gneralizations just aren't good. There are some differences, but it depends on the individual and the siuation.

Hey, I am just trying to work through relationship problems. What the heck to I know. One month women are throwing themselves at me, the next I can't get a date if my life depended on it.

LOL.

Women go through the same thing. Months without a date, then three men all issue invitations. Course, now they don't since I'm engaged.

I guess I am trying to figure what I may have done wrong and if I did not behave properly in my last relationship. What bothers me so much is that most of the time she was a real sweetheart, but then some little thing would cause her to become very judgmental and sometimes nasty. I know in my head that I cannot control her behaviors. But, my heart tells me I could have been a better man. I just don't know what else I could have done short of achieving perfection.

auto,

first, dates with strangers are random events. . . the nature of random events are unevenly spaced clumps. . . 55% of all lottery picks have two numbers next to each other. . . a clump. . .

shuttle weightlessness experiments have proven randomness is clumpy. . just like outer space. . . lots of vacuum, and then a galaxy. . . so there is answer number one

answer number two, you must be visual, because the only association you can make is a gender association. . . why not try to make individual associations instead? each person is an individual, and each individual is unique. .. start there, and you might be able to make sense of the world. . . otherwise, you will continue gender bending, and that is not very attractive, nor educational.

currently, you are only muddling yourself up by assuming its you or something you did, or whatever. . . what you are not learning is how to stand back, disassociate yourself from the date, and figure out the other person, independently from your interactions with her. . . in other words, what behaviors in her past, that she relates to you, cause you to see red flags. . .

if you are color blind, please read, "IF the buddha dated" by Charlotte Kasl, Phd. .. there are sections on red flags. . .

you need help with conceptual education, as you seem unable to learn these concepts by yourself. .

wiftty

I don't know. I've always noticed that just about ALL generalizations have a basis in truth. As long as you REALIZE that there ARE exceptions (and 49.9% is the EXCEPTION, NOT THE RULE. So the exception can be quite large).

Take me and my close-to-be-walkaway wife. In many many things, she has male personality characteristics and I have female. I'm MUCH more expressive, emotional, wear my emotions on my sleeve (I can't fake it). I love mushy songs. I cry when I'm really touched or hurt. She ALWAYS hated that I liked love songs, she isn't very emotional. She keeps stuff inside.

When she liked me, I think my opposite characteristics were attractive to her, now they are simply more things that nauseate her.

When I take notes on advice here, I find myself ALWAYS seeing generalizatons about men that do NOT pertain to me.

But I also realize that I AM AN EXCEPTION to the rule. BUt I also find that many many men my nationality share my emotional side. I always liked the fact that I was vulnerable. Now, I can't stand it. Melody Lane says that men as such wussies sometimes. In my case, I have to agree. When a girl LIKES OR LOVE YOU, you are SENSITIVE. When they can't stand you anymore, the sensitivity suddenly becomes WUSSINESS. Just can't win.

Auto, maybe your last relationship just wasn't meant to be. I doubt very much you needed to be a better man. It is more likely you'd have needed to be a different man in order to maintain the relationship. Or if she had been a different woman.

Sounds like some of your behaviors were annoying habits in her eyes, and withdrawing a lot of points, and maybe you didn't meet her needs as well as was necessary. So what? Annoying behaviors aren't annoying to all people. As for meeting needs, it's important to find someone whose ENs you meet easily and naturally. If you have to turn yourself inside out to meet someone else's needs, you should end the relationship cause it will only get worse when you marry.

Putting the whole generalization issues aside, why is it ok to look and think about it? Why is that the right thing?

It's one thing if you look and admire beauty or some other observation, but I personally wouldn't like it if my spouse or date was thinking about being with someone else, no matter how brief. And if it happened frequently, I would feel pretty unappreciated.

And yes, I'm hypocritical about this.

Your "men do and women feel" plays out in different situation also. Take sexual attraction for example. A man (generally) easily gets turned on by a womans body, how she looks. A women (generally) gets turned on by how she feels towards the guy, not as much by how he looks.

Guy sees he likey he wants. Women feel, she likey she wants.

However, I think if a guy strongly feels for a woman, it can effect how he sees her, and if a woman really likes/dislikes what she sees, it can effect how she feels about him. Atleast that's what I've noticed.