Hello all, I'm new and hope I'm posting in the right section.

I am pretty confused right now and was hoping I could get some unbiased opinions on what has happened. I don't have anyone to talk to about this and I'm feeling really scared and unsure.

I've been married to my husband for 20 years. I have always been faithful, but my husband had an affair with a family member about 10 years ago that lasted about 2 months. After more pain than I care to think about, I did forgive him. The past 10 years have been good, although mostly because (if I'm honest) I have lied to myself every day that it didn't really happen. It's the only way I can cope unfortunately. But all in all I have enjoyed the past decade raising our kids and living a simple life. There is lots more of course, but thats the basics of what happened.

Now here is what happened recently. My husband had to have surgery for an old injury. He was home for a couple weeks recovering, and then saturday he gets a get well card in the mail from his work. I know everyone there and have for pretty much forever. One person who signed was "Cindy" (not her real name). I had no idea who this was and this is what she wrote on the card:


"Where are you?! I miss you! Please come back soon, cuz it's not the same without you! Love (heart icon) "Cindy"

I asked him who she was and he said, "I uhhh "think" it's the temp." And I said, "when did Linda leave? I really liked her. Why didn't you tell me she left?" And he said, "Uhhh I think 2 months ago." So I asked him what Cindy was like (I was sad because I really really liked the other receptionist and had no idea she left), and he said "I "think" she has brown hair." So I said, "I didn't mean what did she look like, I meant is she nice like Linda?" And he said, "Well I wouldn't call her pretty."

So that hit me as weird... And I said, "What are you talking about?" And then he literally started screaming at me saying, "you think I'm having an affair with her??" And then he started throwing stuff and yelling that he doesn't need this blankity blank blank blank right now. Then I yelled back that he is acting ridiculous and left the room. He has not talked to me since.

I don't know what to think. He's not on pain meds other than Tylenol right now, he doesn't drink or do drugs. And he literally has not yelled at me since the last affair when he screamed at me while I was nursing my daughter when we got home from a family get together and I was upset because he was rolling around on the floor with my relative and grabbing her behind in front of everyone. He accused me then of not wanting him to be part of the family. Of course my instinct on that turned out to be 100% right and they were having an affair.

Oh dear, I'm so sorry for rambling on and on. I'm just really really confused, and he won't talk to me and I'm trying to hold everything together and a million other things going on in my life as well. I needed to get this out at least, and any honest thoughts are so appreciated!!! If you think I'm acting like an idiot and am overreacting please tell me!

Thank you all so much!!!

-Goldie

Goldie, it wasn't rambling - it gave a very good picture of what happened.

I'm the FWW (former wayward wife) and my H and I fully recovered and very happy.

There are two ways to go on this. I know you're wary because of what happened before and quite understandably so. I've also seen cards and messages sent to male members of staff (when I worked in the corporate world), especially from young girls with that sort of gushy stuff. It's the "way" they talk.

But........and it's a very big but. Methinks your H does protest too much. All this "thinking" she might have brown hair etc. The awful thing is the guilty brush it off with "oh her, hmmm, don't really remember her." or "oh, she's just a silly young thing at the office." Interestingly, the guilty also start mentioning this "new person at the office" a lot. They usually talk about them negatively to put you off the scent.

Your gut is also telling you something is wrong. I'm a great believer in feminine intuition. I think you need to do some checking. You know all the people at his office. Is there someone you trust that can tell you the truth or tell you if there have been rumours?

Office A's are always common knowledge. The people having the A always think it's hidden but it never, never is.

I hope your H is trustworthy. His reaction might be from feeling unjustly accused but, I'm sorry, you really need to check this further.

{{{{{{{Goldie}}}}}}}

Start by stopping by his office when you are certain she will be there. Your H must have some paperwork or something that needs to be picked up. Or maybe there is someone there you want to say "hi" to, or just give them some donuts as a thank you for the card.