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#2112180 08/19/08 01:38 AM
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My Mom was dying of cancer. She'd been in an out of consciousness for days and was being fed through a drip. When she fell unconscious I prayed that God would take her home.

I felt strongly that God gave me the word " for her sake, my sake or your sake, Bob? To everything there is a season".

Mom was briefly conscious next day. We rejoiced and shared some lovely thoughts. We talked about her going to glory. She told me:
"Some angels visited me yesterday and told me that I shall go to Glory on Monday. Don't worry son, I'm very happy to go."

We hugged. Mom slid into semi consciousness. Delightfully she was making all the hand movements of swaddling and cuddling a baby in that state. Even at the end her instinct was to care for her babies.

Mom soon passed to coma. It was Thursday.

She hung on until a few minutes into Monday morning when she passed. I held her as she breathed her last.

There is a season to all things Pep. Pray praise to God, don't pray for death.

all blessings


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Bob_Pure #2112187 08/19/08 03:16 AM
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Amen.



Hugs Pepperband. pray

ForeverHers #2112251 08/19/08 07:41 AM
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thanks guys

Maria has been so faithful to the Lord
a wonderful servant

now she is unrecognizable
she can't even pray anymore

my heartbreak is part of God's plan
maybe my resistance is as well

Bob_Pure #2112329 08/19/08 09:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Bob_Pure
She hung on until a few minutes into Monday morning when she passed. I held her as she breathed her last.

There is a season to all things Pep. Pray praise to God, don't pray for death.

all blessings

Bob

here's what is happening ...

Maria's condition worsens to the point where hospice calls and gives us an update (zero urine output, unresponsive, very slow and erratic breathing and erratic slow pulse pulse, no response to pain stimulus, etc) - we go to her - she looks like "any hour now" - hours pass - we pray and grieve and praise next to her - then she pulls back into life - slightly

imagine doing this scene 10 times in 4 weeks

I pray for God to show her the way home to Him
is this the same as praying for death?

We are both exhausted

and I am not sure exactly what I am supposed to do the next time we get a call from hospice ???

sigh

Pepperband #2112348 08/19/08 09:30 AM
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*hugs*

I have no words of wisdom, just a prayer and a hug.


me - 47 tired
H - 39 cool
married 2001
DS 8a think
DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy:
(Why is DS7b now a blockhead???)
(Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
jayne241 #2112373 08/19/08 09:51 AM
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Pep,
I understand somewhat. My MIL is in very bad health and we have these episodes 1-2 times a year where we all run and hope we make it before she goes...by the time we get there after a 13 hour car trip, she pulls through and is embarrased that we all are making such a fuss. This has been going on for 20 years. Obviously, the episodes are much more serious now than years ago. H says he doesn't even feel like he can trust his instincts anymore, as far as when to run to see her and when to stay and wait for the next episode. Emotionally draining, every single time! And knowing she isn't doing well in between is hard, being so far away.

4 weeks ago today she went into the hospital, and this morning I got a call from FIL that he took her from the hospital to the nursing home last night. Not a surprise, but sobering. She will have care, which she refuses to accept while home alone.

All that about me, to say I understand the emotional part! It's very hard thinking they are going/gone, and then doing it all again! I'm so sorry for you and Mr. Pep.


Pepperband #2112376 08/19/08 09:53 AM
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now she is unrecognizable


Unrecognizable to you. Not to God. She in the palm of God's hand.

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she can't even pray anymore

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In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Romans 8 25-27

God is hearing her prayer alright. Be assured.

Quote
imagine doing this scene 10 times in 4 weeks

I don't need to it was exactly thus with Squids mom, and for two weeks with my Dad.

I am not castigating you Pep, only loving you and Mr Pep and his mom and lifting all your good hearts to God in prayer and empathy. I've walked that walk and I ache for you.

In season Maria will take God's hand and take her leave of this world of sorrows. I know this.

All blessings.







Bob_Pure #2112382 08/19/08 10:00 AM
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Beautiful Bob.

I know our day will come with MIL, I just hope we can be there for it. That is the hard part of doing it so many times..like H says, we can't even trust our instincts....I sure hope there is time to get there, but more likely it will be a traumatic event that she can't be brought back from.

Tough stuff.

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My heart goes out to you. I went through this with my grandmother...her body was SO tired and her mind had already decided it was time to go, but something kept her lingering in that twilight between life and death for months.

I also went through it with my mother. Shorter time frame, but the same up and down...not wanting to give up hope because that would mean giving up on her, but at the same time praying for an end to the ride. It is agonizing.

In the end, we all must come to a sense of peace that God has us in his hands and that she will go when she is ready. And then it is ok to be thankful that she has passed...because it was her time.

Prayers and strength be with you.

Mogi


BW (me)
FWH (him - he's earning the F)
3 boys (4, 5, and 7)
M 1997
LT EA/PA 2004-2007
D-Day #1 Feb 2006
Joined MB.
D-Day #2 Feb 2008
D-Day #3 Aug 2008
Began REAL recovery Sept 2008.


Bob_Pure #2112423 08/19/08 10:51 AM
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we live 400 miles away from her



FYI

Pepperband #2112439 08/19/08 11:12 AM
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Pep

The distance must add a lot of complications to an already fraught situation.

I'm guessing it is not possible to stay closer to the hospice, or bring Maria closer to your home.

This too shall pass in season, dear friend.


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Bob_Pure #2112445 08/19/08 11:21 AM
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If I knew she had , say, 2 weeks left, I could and would take time off work (vacation time, mind you) to go stay with her. In fact, I ALREADY did this when we had a previous false alarm.

H is driving to see her for a few hours every weekend - while working his show weekdays. The last time I went with him to do this weekend treck, my old herniated disc acted up and I ended up having extreem pain the entire ride home - I doped myself up royally just to get home - blegh crazy

We are exhausted - I am complaining too much - but I don't care

thanks for listening to me vent my frustration


Pepperband #2112463 08/19/08 11:45 AM
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Pep,

Sorry you are going through this. I am guessing she is in Sacramento, or thereabouts? I got very familiar with the Southwest shuttle when my mother was dying in Sacramento last year. It made it possible for me to go for just a day at a time, without the guilt of leaving my family and the stress of the drive. I found it very easy to drive to BUR, use the valet parking, carry on nothing but my handbag, be there in an hour, rent a car cheaply through Dollar, drive to the hospital, visit for a few hours, and then come home by bedtime. It cost less than driving and I was able to go every week this way. The frequent flyer program gave me a free ticket every few trips.

Near the end, my mother had a dream that her own mother came for a little chat and told her everything was going to be all right.

I have been with several friends and family members in their final illnesses and I am convinced, looking back, that death is a sacred time.

(((Pep & Mr. Pep)))


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Chrysalis #2112535 08/19/08 01:10 PM
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Pep, the distance makes it so much more complicated.

Exhausting is the best word used here to describe it.

And I don't think you are complaining.

Hang in there.

Pepperband #2112645 08/19/08 03:31 PM
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Quote
and I am not sure exactly what I am supposed to do the next time we get a call from hospice ???

No "easy" answer, Pep.

You go if you can.

You trust her to God's hands either way.

But in all things you continue as you have, to hold her in love.


If the kidneys have truly shut down, "frost" will develop quickly.

It's hard to be so far away, I know.

God bless and provide His comfort to all of you in this very difficult time.


ForeverHers #2112845 08/20/08 03:31 AM
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(((Pep & Mr Pep)))

This must be heartwrenching Pep.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
bigkahuna #2112982 08/20/08 09:55 AM
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all quiet on the Western front ... so far

Pepperband #2112993 08/20/08 10:17 AM
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I met with my Pastor and dear mate Jeremy for a prayer breakfast this morning, early. We prayed on our knees for Mr P, Maria and you Pep.

God knows. He really does.



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Bob_Pure #2112997 08/20/08 10:29 AM
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hug

thank you


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