I have a completely repentent spouse and suddenly I'm so amazing and he can't believe what happened, with someone he doesn't even like, etc., etc. I suppose I should be grateful for that but still, I feel stuck, trapped in my marriage. I feel like I can't leave because of the kids, and I should try to make it work, but this person here is NOT the person I married. I loved that person and now I'm stuck with this jerk of a person that could completely take their family for granted and treat us like crap. I used to think if anything happened to him I'd be completely devastated. Now I think I'd get over it, pretty quickly actually. He looks physically much different to me now. Maybe even better looking, but that just freaks me out. I trust him, but I don't. I believe it when he says he would never let this happen again, but then I don't. I think the fact that we had a great marriage before and a great sex life makes this even worse. He has told me that I did nothing wrong, there were no emotional needs not being met, he was just being a selfish jerk. So how are we supposed to prevent this in the future?

I really wish I could walk away, start over. But I have these kids, and I can't tear their lives apart. The workplace affair makes this worse because now there is an association for me between his occupation and the affair. He would change careers if he could, but for practical purposes he can't. He switched employers but I still am triggered by discussions involving work. I used to laugh off when guys made comments about women but now it is disgusting. A part of me hates all men now I think.

What would it mean to start over. I'd still be so wounded. I think the only kind of person I could make it work with is someone who had also been cheated on. And most of the good men out there who are close to my age are already in relationships I would guess.

I hate the position I've been placed in. This isn't what I signed up for and now I feel trapped with some warped remnant of the person I married.

I understand what you are saying. It's a tight spot to be in.

I went from having a beautiful, honest, funny, outgoing, family oriented wife - to....a distant, arrogant, hair dying, "I want to travel the world, get a boob job, be a dancer in Vegas" wife - to...a cheating, wh@re of a wife - to...an apologetic, X cheating wh@re of a wife.

Not exactly the best situation to be in.

I feel just like you do. Completely repentent WW, but yet she is not the same woman I married at all. She has been completely changed by her big Fup. They come to their senses and feel really foolish when its over for a while. I also had a RA right away just to see if I wanted someone else in my life and how quickly I could sweep another woman off her feet after all these years. That just made things worse, like everyone on here said it would. I just recently signed a 7 month lease and moved to an apt. I had to get out of there.(Which is not recommended by MC or this board), but I felt exactly like you do(STUCK!). I’m trying to visit WW and have dates and start completely over. I just couldn’t stay there any longer. She has told the MC that she is very concerned I’m the one to worry about having another A and she has become very jealous???! I also feel stuck because of our kids and I do still have feelings for her, but she just isn’t the same person. It’s a real a$$kick because I’m still young enough to start over, but if this stretches out 3-5 year I may not be. Its been 4 months for me since D day. Good luck…

Welcome to the Recovery Rollercoaster.

Your ride has just started. Hang on, the ride will be rough, but if he keeps meeting your needs and you keep meeting his, it WILL get better.