Im not good at asking for advice or help but I couldnt find a topic close enough to my situation to ease my mind.

Basically I am about to be divorced. Im in the military and she used that to push me into signing divorce papers I didnt agree with. Its a lot of schemantics and I dont want to give anyone else ideas so Im going to leave out the details on that part. The problem now is she wants to work things out after two years of separation we barely talked during. She called up a week ago asking me to withdraw my signature. She wants to move back in with our son. This is great news to me. I do still love her, Id love to see it work out. Plus she left me when she was two months pregnant so I havent been able to see my son yet. Everything felt unreal. The next day we talked for a few hours, then I didnt hear from her for a week. Now she is saying she wants the divorce to go through because its easier to get a marriage than a divorce. I am completely apprehensive towards everything now. She still wants me to send more money than just the child support so that she can save up more to move, but she doesnt want to be anything more than friends when she gets here. I want to trust her but its a little difficult. In december she wanted to get back together and changed her mind after two weeks. We both hurt each other a lot over the past two years and Im very regretful of everything I did to push things this far. But I dont want to open myself up to that kind of pain again. I really dont even understand how living together as "just friends" trying to raise our child together will work. I believe marriage is forever and even if we are divorced I will always be there for her. I dont know where to draw the line though. I feel like when she says she wants it done her way or not at all Im getting walked over just because Id do anything to make it work. I have stress induced health problems from the past two years. Im just feeling desperate to see it work all over again. The release I felt signing the divorce papers is gone but my situation hasnt really changed. So I dont know what to do. And if I express any of my problems with the current situation she either ignores it or gets agitated and im afraid of pushing it because I dont want her to get angry or just give up. Please help.

It's the extra support she wants so she can continue going out to party.

I wouldn't send her money. I'd pay the moving company directly.

And I'd want to know what she was willing to do in return. Would she date you for example.

You may be able to restore your relationship, but I think you're smart to also be suspicious.

Well she's driving 1800 miles to get here so its for gas. And we had a lot of financial arguements so she didnt want finances to be entirely on me if she didnt get a job right away. Which is why she wants extra money. Im better at making money shes better at saving it.

As far as dating she says she wants a clean start. Starting at friends and rebuilding like before we got married. I just dont see how we can start clean when we already have a kid. Its not like we can pretend nothing ever happened.

You can give her a Sunoco gas card. It's prepaid. No cash.

Even if she isn't willing to date, I think it may be good to get her closer to you because then you'll be able to see your son. This is good for your child and for you. It could also save your relationship since mothers really want wonderful fathers for their children. See the whole Family Committment emotional need.

Yes, thinking of it from the angle of the father-child relationship, I think I'd be willing to do a lot, and spend a lot to get my child near me.

what has she been doing in the two years y'all were separated and not speaking to each other

does any of that matter to you?

PATERNITY TEST

Period.

I wanted the paternity test but she then starts a major rant about how it shows a lack of trust. But she started dating this guy long distance not even a month after she left me and has been in multiple relationships since. She even called me up a few times pulling the friend card asking why she cant find a successful relationship. Im not going to hold it entirely against her though, for me my son being in a real family is more important to me. So Im willing to swallow a large amount of my own pride. I do believe the child is mine, and I do want the marriage to work. I just feel hopeless towards the situation and she hasnt done anything to diminish that feeling. Ive read through many websites trying to gain skills to help me become a better husband for her and this one has been the most helpful far as literature goes, but it cant be entirly on me.

Im really appreciating the input from everyone. Thanks.

Even if you feel this way, it is a good idea to get the paternity test should things change.

It protects you and it protects your child from that doubt in the future.

This would be a non-negotiable for me. You can still love the child. Yet it would be good to know who is the real father.

If this is not your child, are you willing to financially support the child even if your wife is again unfaithful in the future?

By establishing paternity, you have options, should that unfortunately circumstance present it self.

Protect yourself and your child, establish paternity NOW.

PS, the rant about lack of trust is a major RED FLAG.

She should be building trust. No trust, no possible reconciliation, and trust is her hurdle to rebuild, not yours to grant just because you feel like it.

Put that ball back into her court. Don't let her manipulate you with guilt.

She has to earn the trust. It's not something she should expect, it is something she needs to earn.

If she has nothing to worry about as far as who the father will turn up to be, she shouldn't throw any arguments up against it. I know it seems awkward, but you need to get it done.

You don't need your wifes permission to have a DNA test done. If she gets a job just take a day off and take the kid to the Doctors. Tricare may make you go off base and pay a co-pay but that is nothing!!! Just wait for the opportunity. If she leaves again you can demand one, which you should have done previously when she left. It doesn't sound like she is coming back for the right reasons....just financial.

Yeah, I have been rolling this one over in my mind for a while. I never caught her doing anything and most of the time I do believe she was faithful but she did do some shady things. Id have figured out a way to do it already but due to my response to some threats made against me by my father in law when she left i cant get leave approved to anywhere in the state shes in.