I have my current situation posting the finding out thread, but was thinking about our history

back in 2001 I made some bad (and illegal) decisions in my life that were above IB and outrageously selfish. They landed me in jail for the night and destroyed the trust and faith my wife had in me. I have paid my debt to society but apparently not to my wife as I had another bout of similar IB in '05. at that point my BW took our daughter and left for a week. I immediately sought professional help and saw a therapist for about 6 months who really helped me work through my issues and discover how simple it is to abide by the laws of the land and the laws of my marriage. Our relationship has been slowly healing ever since until this past spring when this time I was the BS and she became the WW. Getting to the root cause of what she was lacking from me at this time will take lots of time and work.

As I'm reading the posts here, I come across many that point to sexual infidelties and spouses who withhold sex. which brings me to my current thoughts. Before we got married, she wanted us to stop having premarital sex so that we could "enjoy" our wedding night that much more. I did it for her and didn't think much of it. The honeymoon period of our marriage wen't well but 5 months in she was diagnosed with mono and subsequently as clinally depressed and put on zoloft. To say that we had any sort of sex life from then on would be laughable. I would honestly imagine that we had sex less than 25 times in the first 10 years of our marriage (not counting those first 5 months).

I'm wondering now if the lack of SF drove me subconscously to seek thrills through my illicit behaviours.

what did you do?

simply put, theft via internet
it was a slowly excalating thing that I got a definite thrill and high from

have you posted here under a different name?

are you still committing crimes?

nope, haven't done anything remotely illegal since '05 (except my heavy right foor)

I've learned how to handle temptation and redirect if the feelings arise, but mostly I've learned that I'd rather achieve the feelings through more positive outlets

Glad to hear you are not committing crimes any longer.

nope, I just discovered MB last week

I don't see the point in trying to connect the two. As you said, the illegal stuff is in the past. I don't recall your full history, but I think you could get into a tit for tat situation. Yes, one LB and make another LB easier to do, but I don't think that matters in eliminating LBs. Just eliminate yours no matter how they may have begun.

I am trying to eliminate my LBs and while I don't think of this as a tit-for-tat, I was just wondering if I'm wrong at this point for even connecting the complete lack of SF for my blatant LBs

yes, the illegal stuff is in my past, but the missing SF has been all along,
maybe I'm just digging

the lack of SF is due to her affair.

there are A LOT of other OBVIOUS things going on that you SHOULD be dealing with.

IF you want to get some real help, I suggest that you STOP starting NEW threads. Keep one going and stop bouncing around.

so what if the lack of SF is? then what? it won't help you get rid of the behavior that you already got rid of. All it can do is give you a reason to resent your wife. I don't see the point.

If you were looking at FOO, I think that's different.

I looked up FOO but don't quite understand what family of origin means


however, the lack of SF began 11 years before her EA

FOO is basically looking at your parents, and basically any influence you had growing up as an explanation, or seed, for whatever issue someone may be having.

It's pretty much how you're looking at lack of SF as a seed for your problems, but looking at your FOO instead.

this is kind of how I was looking at this.
I'm not looking at this as ammo against her but more of finding my own triggers
she's starting down a path of no SF again and I want to be sure not to start down my own dark paths


oddly enough, the times we both consider our marriage to be the best are times when she wasn't withholding SF, but she won't admit to it fully