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Re: Need help for separating
suechef #2115146 08/24/08 10:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
la la land aka land of fruits ...
F
faithful follower Offline
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faithful follower
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la la land aka land of fruits ...
Quote
He already thinks that our marriage is beyond broken and he tells me often that he has no basic interest in me and that we share little in common. His interest in restoring our marriage is minimal, at best.
sue, this quote above is CLASSIC wayward spouse speak for "I love you but I am not in love with you" or I want to pursue my luuurve for the skanky OW without you interfering.

Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
Re: Need help for separating
suechef #2115162 08/24/08 11:04 AM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Shrek's Swamp
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Pepperband
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I confronted him (rather angrily, I'm sad to admit)

unless you committed a felony - anger is a reasonable emotional response to a betrayal

anger is motivating
anger keeps you from self loathing

don't think of anger as a bad or unwelcome emotion

anger is there for a reason - to protect YOU

of course - continual or subliminal anger is destructive long term - but an occasional angry explosion in response to a horrible threat is REASONABLE

there are ways to express anger that are healthy

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders
Re: Need help for separating
suechef #2115164 08/24/08 11:08 AM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Shrek's Swamp
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Shrek's Swamp
If H moves out - change the locks on your home

H cannot have things both ways - free access to the home when he chooses to live elsewhere ... naughty NO!

When H complains he cannot get into the house with his old key - say:

"When you live here again, you'll get a key."

consequences of his decision to move out and semi-abandon his family must MEAN something if he's going to realize he's made an error

Pep

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders
Re: Need help for separating
Pepperband #2115165 08/24/08 11:08 AM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
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Texas
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Texas
Amen, Pep. Decent people are SUPPOSED to be angry at injustice. Anger is a healthy emotion.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
Re: Need help for separating
suechef #2115168 08/24/08 11:19 AM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Shrek's Swamp
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I understand where she's coming from:


Quote
I realize that I have made many mistakes in our marriage too(haven't met his emotional needs, have angry outbursts, lack of honesty about my wants/needs, etc.



if she's been an angry wife for a long time over small things - she needs to reign in her angry outbursts

discovery of an AFFAIR is not a small things

Perfectly acceptable to say: "I am so angry right now I cannot trust myself not to throw things. I am going to leave for awhile to compose myself. I am angry - and I cannot solve problems when I am this angry. I'll be back when I can."

Then --- go0000000000000ooooooooooooooooo away for several hours

let H run the house while you are gone

I left the house for 6 hours once - I drove to the beach and screamed at the ocean rant2

Pep

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders
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