Five years ago my husband was ready to leave me. I was upset all of the time, mostly because we couldn't keep up with the bills. He confessed at that time that he thought about leaving, but he just couldn't. Weeks later I unveiled a possible affair that he had during that time. After asking him non-stop about it for a long time, he finally told me he had made a pass at someone, but she turned him down because she knew he was married. Okay, I can believe that. But, the part that has me going crazy is this: The wife of my husband's best friend and I have talked about this situation. She has never told me one way or the other if my husband slept with this other woman. (She'd know, since she's married to his best friend. They tell each other everything.) Recently I was talking to this wife-friend of ours and I said that I had a pretty good idea that my husband had, in fact, slept with this other woman. The wife said, "Really?" What's getting to me is, if my husband didn't sleep with this other woman, his friend's wife would have told me that he didn't. Instead, she played dumb.
I can't seem to shake this possible affair. My husband still denies it to this day. He's sick of me mentioning it and told me last night that I'm driving him away by not moving on. I can understand why he feels that way, but he's the one who has made me insecure. And, since I'm "driving him away," now I don't trust what he'll do, since the last time I drove him away, he hit on/slept with this other woman.
I've tried writing him notes, since talking always ends up in a fight. He finally told me he's sick of my notes (they are nice, but definitely express my true feelings). I can't talk to him, I can't write him, so what do I do? How can I let this go and move on? I'm hurting so badly, both physically and mentally.
