Has anyone gone as far as tapping their WS cell phone? I know it's insane to even think about doing this but I feel it's the only way I can keep track of what my WH is doing. His phone is his life and it's easy for him to hide everything by using it.
I can track #'s on his bill but I think I need to step it up a notch. I saw some devices on the internet. I don't know if they are for real or if they are scams.

Why do you ant to track him to see if he is cheating?

If you see he is still cheating, what will you do then?

* I want to copy this off the recovery board so that people have more information to possibly help you wtih:

Originally Posted By: Stellakat "He has had at least FOUR affairs that you know of since you have been married to him. What did you do to end the other THREE?"

Vegmom ansers: "The first affair was an EA. He made a friend with a woman and became close to her emotionally. He told me there wwas no sex and that she was not emotionally connected to him and he also said she told him to go back to me and work on the marriage. Only recently I have contronted her because I have been uncomfortable with their contact with each other and she told me there was no relationship with him and she did not have feelings for him.

The second affairs were not normal affairs. I caught him posting on BDSM web site in personal ads. He was having sexuial email contact with women. He told me he had no physical contact with any women. It was just chat. He told me he would delete everything and never do it again. I trusted that and unfortunately that was my fault for believing he would stop. Maybe he did for a while...I don't know. But several months later he was at it again. This time I found proof he was having sex with women. It was all bondage and BDSM. He said it was all anal (whcih we don't do) and oral. and nothing else. Not that that makes it better. He said he felt as long as he wasn't having full vaginal intercorse with these women then he felt he really wasn't cheating. This time we went to counseling. I guess you could say we sued Plan A, but there really was no OW involved..he was not emotionally attatched to anyone he was doing this with. It was a fetish group that he was involved with and just had sex. So apparently he was getting the sex he liked from them and the emotional and home life he needed from me.
We went through 6 months of counseling and then it ended. Unfortunatley I think the really deep issues were not really touched and even at the end I felt somewhat hurt and betrayed. I should have went to no my own counseling to help me with that issue. I felt so angry with him and I also felt he still was not meeting my most imposrtant emotional needs. So obviously, I didn't meet his either. Eventually sex became almost non exsistant. That was partially his fault though. He just never initiates sex with me. He just expected me to hop in bed with him. He was never romantic, never kissed me, loved me or showed affection. I think he was so poisoned by the porn he was into he just forgot that I needed to be loved. Sex became repulsive.
He also made it easy for me to be turned off because he gained so much weight. He hired a personal trainer without telling me and told me after he paid her and started with her. I was really upset. I told him it made me uncomfortable and he ignored my worries and used her anyway. I got really jealous and even though he was making progress I was not happy because he was spending so much time with her and bragged about her constantly. It's like he was rubbing it in my face. Maybe he didn't mean to but it hurt me. I tried working out with him and he was cruel and mean and compared me to her all the time. Obviously she was meeting his needs and I was not because I was unhappy."

Vegmom,
this morning I took some time to read through your posts on the recovery board, and my heart aches for you. You are in a relationship that it is absolutley desructive to you.

Your posts about how you really wanted to hear the saved messages on his phone, but he wouldn't let you
How he took the phone into the bathroom with him, and later told you that there was just one old message on there that would have hurt your feelings, so he deleted it to spare you the hurt.
VM, he has built such a web of lies that I don't think he would even know the truth any longer.

His porn habit, his past history of internet relationships that are "just for sex". Your WH is treating you with no respsect at all. he does not plan to stop any of this crap becuase there is no reason for him to stop. Everytime he has been caught, you both conitnue on as if nothing happened, and you spend even more of your time spying, guessing what he is up to, worrying about him.

You deserve better than this!!!

Again - I am not telling you to kick him out. I know you are not ready for that. But it is time for you to stop taking the crumbs that he is giving you, and start expecting more from him. It is ok for you to expect more from your H! Do you realize that?

do you really want to spend the rest of your life spying, trying to get ahold of his phone, following his car, hiding at the airport? That is no life for you to live!

I think that you have been living like this for so long, you don't even realize how sick it is any more. It just seems normal to you now. You need to sit down today - right now - and write a list of things that you want, for your life, What makes you happy? And I do not mean things like "learning hom to tap my WH's cell phone"

I mean things like "I want to be able to relax at night, and not worry about where my H is"
"I want to be able to go to the farmers market on Saturday mornings, without worrying that my H is at home texting some Ho he met on the internet".

And please consdier adding these 2 items to your lsit:

1. I don't want to worry that the man I love is bring home an STD because he has been having "anal" with someone (by the way , anal, oral, and even just phone conversations with anther woman is CHEATING on you!)

2. I would like to someday be in a relationship with a man who wnats to love me, the way I would like to be loved, instead of using me as an object for his pleasure.

Your WH has issues that are so big, so deep, that a MC is not going to help, IMO. At the very least he has a porn addiction. I lived the life you are talking about - my ex was/is a pron addict too.

being with a man like that makes you question yourself. You start to wonder if maybe HE is normal, and YOU are not.

I want to tell you right now. Your WH's behavior is not normal. It is wrong. and you should expect more for yourself

could you please answer this question for me:
do you honestly believe that this M is worht saving? Or do you just want to make sure you can keep track of him, and not let someone else "win" him?

It's not a question of if, Stella.

It's a question of when.

Dunno what Veg will do with it WHEN she finds it. He's felt any consequences of his choices so far (other than Veg being unhappy...and fat lot of attention he's paid to that).

She has YET to tell us of ANY plan even tho we keep asking her.

And I'm telling you AGAIN, you MUST have a plan NO MATTER WHAT...no matter if you keep him or if you don't.

Your failure to think first about your plan and yourself (and your kids) tells me that you are only concentrating on minutiae and not what's TRULY important.

You are far too focused on HIM, when you need to be focused on YOU.

Vegmom,
I would seriously like you to consider this question, that I asked earlier:


I am not trying to be mean. I am hoping that you can take a serious look at this. Here is why:

when my ex first left for OW#1, I wanted to do anything to win him back. Truth is, he was never a very good H. But d@mn it all, he was MY not-so-good H, and no 2 bit Ho was going to take him away!

Back then I was convinced that my life was so unfair. I was the one who always worked full time, cooked all the meals, did all the laundry. so why on earth would he get to run off and be happy with someone else, and dump me? Oh no, I would have none of that crap!

In time, after I had been away from him and his drama for a while, I began to see that even though he "had someone" and I did not, even though I was raising the kids by myself, he was not in a better situation. He was stuck with a demanding, whiny, bi!chy Ho, and her two small kids. She spent all his money, and his credit cards, on partying, getting her hair and nails done, and paying her HUGE cell phone bills.

But me, I had peace. I had sanity back. I had no more porn in my house!!! I had no more of his yelling at me, swearing at the kids and putting me down for not "dressing sexy enough"


about that time I realized that it wasn't HIM I wanted. It was the stability of having a H. I wanted to be part of the popultion who was "married". and I sure did not want that two-bit little Ho to take away my H.

But eventually, I didn't want him back. And eventually that Ho dumped him, and he went onto another. And today he still chases his shallow, weak form of happiness.

And I have peace.

and I know I have value.

and you do too.

WOF,

Good points.

Very, very good points.

The fact is RIGHT NOW VegMom wants her husband....what she really, really needs is to get her footing so that someday she will be in a position of not NEEDING him.

When she gets there, then her WANTS MAY change.

Quit spying and take some action. Kick him out. Plan B