The last time I posted, I had asked my wife to leave the home because I could no longer handle the feelings of both anger and hurt at the same time. Based upon the replies that I received, I decided to ask her to come back home. Last night was her first night back and once again all of the feelings of anger and of being devestated by the one that you love came back. I could barely sleep last night, thinking of all the lies that were told, the lies that were performed. I think back about the time that the physical part of the affair was going on and how she would also sleep with me, telling me that she loved me, I think about the things that we did as a family. All of these thoughts came rushing back last night, now I don't know if I did the right thing by letting her back in the home. I must admit that since finding out about the affair, my wife has made more effort in the past 4 weeks to show me that she loves me than she has in all the 7 years that we have been married, but I can not get these thought or feelings out of my head. I must also admit that when she was out of the home, I felt much better. We are going to therapy, starting today, I really don't know what to expect, and I am wondering if these thoughts and feelings that I have will hinder our progress in therapy. Does anybody have any idea as to how to handle or deal with these feelings.

When I betrayed my H, and then re-commited to the marriage (thru God's help) my H told me that he had asked God to block out the thoughts of me and the OM ... he also said there was no room in his life to hate me or be angry (he has never lashed out about what I did) because he LOVES me and just wants me back the way I was.<P>He trusted God to take care fo the rest. He has made tremendous changes, cauz he knows that even though the affair was MY choice, a portion of it was his fault.<P>You need to realize that. She looked elsewhere to meet emotional needs that you weren't meeting. The affair was the WRONG way to handle that, and she'll feel guilty about that for a long time, but you need to realize where the marriage broke down and seek to "fix" that.<P>She chose you .... she loves YOU. She's willing to work, but you cannot beat her up the rest of her life for a mistake she made. I know the pain is enormous, but it will fade. <P>Do you want the marriage or not? That's the decision you have to make.<BR>

F A -- I think what you are feeling is normal. In my case, strange as it may sound, I was the one who was taken back. Once we were together again, it still took a while to start to feel really comfortable. There are still days when the questions come back into my mind, but they are much fewer now.<P>It gets better, but it takes time. Hang in there.<P>God Bless

FA:<P>Marriage counseling is good. I'd also strongly recommend that you get to your doctor and let them know about the stress that you're dealing with, as well as the trouble with sleeping. I'd recommend that you start antidepressants, probably with a sleeping pill like Ambien (a mild, non-addictive prescription). This will help you keep control of those emotions.

FA,<BR>I feel for you... If you read my profile my W did the same to me... I have read " Surviving an affair " and it was a huge help. It helped me understand the reasons behind the affair, I will in no way condone what my W did and how she did it but I understand what led her up to it. I, like you, will never forget what she has done. But i can forgive because I have made a conscious decision to grow old with her and that means we have to start somewhere. Also I have accepted that we ALL make mistakes in our lives and that we should be open to learning from them. <P>I feel your uncertainty, One day I'm up the next I'm down... But in time it will get easier. I envy you... at least she came back and has decided to make a go at your marriage.. Mine won't even talk to me. <P>So remember that something inside you still loves this woman and that means you should give it a second chance and even if it doesn't work... Down the road you'll be able to look back and tell yourself that you tried everything. ( no thoughts of " Only if I had done ...... " ) <P>So my friend, hang in there and see what developes and no lovebusting. It can and will work and be better than ever... Good luck<P><P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

All of your replies help me a great deal, you all have no idea. Yes, I do love my wife very much and I know that she loves me, not as much as she did years ago, but she wants to work to regain those feelings. I hope in time I will be able to put all of these feelings that I am having aside, because I know that they will be a hinderance, and I do want to be able to put 100% into trying to make things work. I am also trying very hard to be more loving and supportive of my wife, but because of these feelings that I have right now, it is extremely hard, but I will continue to do my best.

If your wife is willing to work things out, please help her. I know there is so much healing, we are still going through that process. My H betrayed me and you do have those questions and hurts but it does get easier with time. It is hard to be with them when all the time you are remembering what they did to you, all the pain involved. But remember God will help you. You cannot expect the pain to go away over night, it may never. We all have messed up at times in our lives but there is forgiveness at the Cross. If she wants to work things out and is showing more love now than before, that is a good step. Our marriage has improved greatly since this has happened. If I would not have given him the chance to try to work things out, I would be miserable today. Yes, I still hurt, but I love him and he loves me and I understand now why he had the affair. I encourage you to please PLEASE try to work things out, especially if there are children involved. Give her a chance to prove herself to you.<P>Praying for you<BR>dc

F A - I know it hurts because it is still fresh in your heart and mind. It has been 5 months since discovery and the pain and anger is not as dominant as it once was. Your W has taken the first step by telling you and wanting to work on your relationship. Together you can build an even better relationship than before, one that you probably cannot imagine right now. I know I couldn't but since I am focused on working on my part in our marriage the dream seems to be more real than ever, its a goal for us to work at and achieve. A counselor can be an immense help through sorting out you and your W's feelings and needs, you can express your anger and pain and you will be able to work it out be honest with yourself and your W, it can only help in the healing process. Ask God for guidance and believe that things will be better because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.<P>God Bless

Sorry again<p>[This message has been edited by Isiah (edited August 18, 1999).]

D'oh, sorry<P>[This message has been edited by Isiah (edited August 18, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by Isiah (edited August 18, 1999).]