I called the OW to try to verify certain statements that my WH said to me...he even told me I can call her to verify. She denied that they even had a relationship(I think she just want to forget about it) and my WH and I should work out our problems. Now my WH realised that I lied to him when I just found out by telling him that the OW told me everything...I did that so that he will confess to me which he later did. Now he seems angry that I lied to him....I shouldn't have called her....right? Is he just trying to shift the blame now?

He's just being an a-hole.

If he had confessed on his own, you wouldn't have needed to do what you did.

Tell him you're p!ssed off at him for forcing you to lie.

Don't feel bad for the tactics that you used to obtain information that should have freely been given to you. He changed the rules of the game by lying to you.

He'll get over it. And if he doesn't, oh well. You deserved to know it all, even if you had to be clever at finding out.

Also, know that they don't ever tell the WHOLE story.

It's not uncommon to not get information from the OP. They have their own agenda. I've tried your approach before too and it didn't turn out the way that I wanted.

Iwillsurvive1,

I did the same thing. I work in the intelligence community. With little, but solid evidence to go on, i confronted my WW to get the whole story.

I told her all kinds of buzz words like "low frequency emitters, Nat'l Sec Agency, satellite hunt-down etc. etc. etc." Her eyes grew as big as saucers as I described the bogus methods I had employed to "track her every word, email, text messages, phone conversations etc." She was convinced that she had a chip in her head that I could practically read her thoughts! Of course it was all bullcrap! But she spilled it.



THEN, she got really ANGRY!!! How dare you break the LAW to spy on me??? You should get in so much trouble blah blah blah...

It was MY fault that she spilled the beans on her affair because I used underhanded methods to get at the truth.

How DARE we BS's use these types of methods??? It's not honorable...

Mine actually believed I could use Google Earth to track her past movements!

Don't you just love it? They lie to you but you are not allowed to lie to them. So what if you lied? It's what he reduced you to to get the information you need. My ex-DIL sent me a nasty letter from work,laughing at my "pitiful" son. I knew her like a book. She blocked my address. So,I just got another email address. She would answer me and say,"You're blocked". Then I got ANOTHER email addy. She couldn't be better them me on the computer on her best day. Finally she emailed with me PLEADING with me not "answer" HER emails because she could get in trouble at work? Huh? 2+2 didn't equal 4 for her. She was emailing me these psycho emails and says I should block HER? I told her I'd answer any and every email she sent me because I couldn't care less if she was fired. I also told her I had printed out her emails and would give them to her boss if she continued to harass me and let the OM harass me and our son.
She was all air. She backed down immediately and left our son alone at work.
It's amazing how they BLAME people for the mess they caused.

Update: He is not talking to me like before he found out I lied to him, WH doesn't even want to discuss anything right now about our crisis or anything to do with my reason for lying to get info....what should I do??

Oh my goodness - he cheated and now he isn't talking to you for checking up on him?

I guess the best defense is a good offense.

I would go enjoy the rest of the day and wait this out. Drop relationship talk.

Sounds like that's exactly what he's doing....

It's a typical tactic of a wayward. It shifts the focus off of what they did to what you did and puts you on the defense.

My WW was an expert at it. She would go as far as accusing me of something totally made up just to keep the focus off of her. It took me a while to figure this out and realize what she was doing.