It's been a long time since I have been on. Don't know if any of the same people who helped me are out there or not, but I just wanted to say thanks to all of you. H and I are doing very well in recovery and have actually "graduated" from counseling. I still struggle with memories and the occasional resentment will rear its ugly head, but for the most part, things are very good. For all of those who are new, follow the advice of those who have been here, even when...actually, especially when it goes against everything you think you should do. Still seeking, Loving Anyway, Rin, and AmI, if you guys are still here, my deepest gratitude goes to you all. God Bless.

Hi Lizzie, so glad to hear you are doing better! I know WAT would be so thrilled to hear it but he has not been around for a long time. Take care

Great to see you, Lizzie...and my gratitude right back at you.

Congratulations on your graduation...did you guys get caps and gowns? I think that would be cool.

Never doubt it was you, Lizzie, your heart's greatest desire, to be where you are right now in your marriage. And your H's.

Thank you for coming here and enriching MB with all you shared, your very real life. What you were given was given back tenfold. No doubt.

LA

Oh Sure, post and run......

Thanks. Nice to know your marriage keeps improving.
May it continue.......... always and forever.

SS

SS...hello!

I guess I did kind of post and run...

Marriage IS improving but life with teenage boys is making me crazy...and I already had a head start!! All in all, it feels good to have my life back (a new and improved version) and we have had enough time to replace those awful anniversary dates with new memories.

I still have moments of sadness...sometimes overwhelming...of having my fantasy taken away. You know, the one where it was me and H, solid and strong, that no one could get in between, but I am coming to terms with the reality.

Who started telling fairy tales to little girls anyway????? We waste an awful lot of time looking for the fairy tale, or trying to create one, and in the end, it blinds us to what the reality is.

I prefer reality these days. The result of some intense soul searching and some hard won maturity.

How's things in your neck of the woods? Mrs. SS? Grandbabies?

SS...hello!
Hello !! to you too. It really is good to hear from you.

I guess I did kind of post and run...

I was teasing - You don't appear to need the forum much these days, and there is no reason for you to hang around.
But yes (SS laughs) you did. You can take teasing, can't you?
I know you can.

Marriage IS improving but life with teenage boys is making me crazy...and I already had a head start!! All in all, it feels good to have my life back (a new and improved version) and we have had enough time to replace those awful anniversary dates with new memories.

We have 4 boys, and the youngest got married and moved out in August. Of course, he wasn't here much anyway the last little while. I think I understand the "crazy" part. I worried if yours would get some measure of respect back for H. I hope so.
Because, if they do it will mean he is doing the right things, and that will be a good thing.


I still have moments of sadness...sometimes overwhelming...of having my fantasy taken away. You know, the one where it was me and H, solid and strong, that no one could get in between, but I am coming to terms with the reality.

My W has accused me of being a "romantic." (SS thinks...... )
In fact, I believe the words were "hopeless romantic."
We know that life is tough, but we can still find joy in it. The reality is....... somewhere in the middle. In fact, I still believe that a happy home is as near as we can get to Heaven on Earth.
Takes work, but you know that.

Who started telling fairy tales to little girls anyway????? We waste an awful lot of time looking for the fairy tale, or trying to create one, and in the end, it blinds us to what the reality is.

I think it was Walt Disney, but he meant well.

No, it was way before that, wasn't it?
It's a mistake to believe to heavily in fairy tales, but it's a mistake to dwell always on the hard parts too. I still think if you do your personal best, and put your faith and trust in God, it all works out. I know he hears our prayers, and I know he helps.
I believe it will work out for you.


I prefer reality these days. The result of some intense soul searching and some hard won maturity.

Your new look.......... looks good on you.

How's things in your neck of the woods? Mrs. SS? Grandbabies?

Work is still work. Business could be much better, but it could be worse.

Marriage is best it's ever been.

Kids sometimes do well, sometimes don't. They are almost as dumb as I was when I was their age. Almost.

Grandbabies are a great blessing, we have nine now. I'm glad we married young, and started our family right away. (I was 21, she was 19.) Now I'm 52, and having a blast with the kids and grand kids. I'm still young enough, and healthy enough to do things with them.

We did our vacation this year to Yellowstone Park, and we did a family hike in August after the wedding was over with. We still have the twins at home (girls, 15.)

I don't spend much time on MB these days, so I'm glad I happened by just after you posted this time.

Keep up the good work, and you can post on "crazy" days if you need to.

SS

OK, so it's been over a year with no contact and recovery is going very well, but out of the blue, I triggered.

Well, not out of the blue really. One of my patients last week was FOW's husband's niece. So, in the midst of doing my job, I was surrounded by all of his family. I kept telling myself that this was his family, not HER's. Even with my name tag, none of them knew who I was or made any connection.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks....none of them knew!!!
I was soooooo mad. Throughout the A, my children, my family, H's family, our close friends, all knew about the A - and it was devastating for many. My H moved out to wait for FOW to do the same - but she never did. And then they ran away to SC to escape the consequences of her affair.

Even though I exposed to their workplace and her mother, the FOW and her husband decided to keep it a secret from the rest of their family.

So I am really PISSED at the unfairness of it all, the one-sidedness of it all. I wanted to tell them that there was a big fat ho in their midst, but I didn't.

It's not up to me at this point. The A is over. But it made me feel like being really mean and rotten and vindictive and inflicting pain on innocent people....whew, just when you think you are somehow above all of those feelings.

But there they were, and here I am, venting in a place where I know I'll be understood.....and trying to rise above.

So I am really PISSED at the unfairness of it all, the one-sidedness of it all. I wanted to tell them that there was a big fat ho in their midst, but I didn't.

Did you ever notice that people who spin webs of deception catch lots of flies?
What would you ever do with flies?

You know deep down that all is not sweetness and light with OW. Things are not always what they seem.

I am sorry for the bad feelings, and that they still show up from time to time.

Hope the boys are doing well.

SS

Oh SS, you always bring a smile to my face!

Thanks for being you.

I wonder about lots of things, but it may not be good for you to think about them, and write about them these days. You may be better off looking to the future.

God bless all of you to find the happiness you are looking for.

SS

Lizzie (lih-ZEE), noun, 1. One who eagerly faces a challnge in order to grow as a person 2. One who does not stick her head in the sand or hide under a rock 3. One who value truth above all else 4. Not Pollyanna

You've peaked my curiosity, SS. What do you wonder about? A little soul searching sounds like a good idea to me.

Wondering..........

How the boys are doing.
They had real problems with him early on. (for good reason)
I wonder if they are still distant, or if they pretend to get along for your sake, or if he has re-built the relationship with them and it's really OK.

How He is.
What he did is very damaging. We can't do wrong, and feel right. I hope he has turned that around now, and that he does feel right. I don't know him very well, but all of us are children of God, and God wants all of us back. I hope he is planning on, and living for, a return journey.

How you are.

Our society has a standard greeting.
"How are you?"
"Oh, Fine, and you?"
"Fine."

We learn to say we are OK, even if we are not. We learn that most people really don't want to hear any thing but "fine."

So, I wonder how you are.
I worried....... about how much damage you endured when your own life took a turn for the worse during the A. We can stand a lot of disruption from others, when we know we are doing what we ought to do. We can be wounded deeply when we do not. I have hoped that your wounds were healing, and that you were doing well, but I wondered.

I wondered if your H were giving all that he needs to give. Logic tells me that if he were not, you would be here more often. I trust that he is doing his share of the work of recovery now. Most of the time.

He was selfish. I hoped he changed, and meets your needs the way you want, and need them to be met. I hope he understands now.
However, I admit I have wondered. (grin)

My life experience teaches me that we seldom get all that we want from life. Some of that may be unrealistic expectations, but some of it is that we have to use the cards we are dealt, and many people are given rotten hands. From time to time I think of my MB friends, and I wonder how they are NOW. I hope you are mostly OK, most of the time.
I hope you have balance.

SS

Another drive by post, nearly 2 years from the last one! H and I still in recovery and doing great. Over the past two years he and the boys have healed their relationships. I think of MB often and know that I never could have gotten through without all of the help I found here, so I am posting this thank you. Life is back to "normal" now meaning that although the A will always be a fact of life, it no longer clouds every aspect of life. It has in fact, been a catalyst for an improved marriage. Our communication is better and we continue to follow the MB "rules" for a successful marriage. Thoughts and prayers to all still fighting for their marriages - it really is worth it.

Thanx, I will need to look up your posts.

I needed a post like this today.

Hi Lizzie! Glad to hear you are doing well.