Hello everyone, <BR>I met with Deb tonight and discussed the things necessary for an uncontested divorce. I wasn't sure what to expect. It really wasn't that bad as far as the discussion went. I was able to say things that I should have said some time ago. She still held to her course. We did not argue or fight. We talked about the divorce and other things. We hugged at the end of the evening. <P>Of course, I was a bit more emotional. I again told her that I do not want this. I expressed concern that she get herself together. She indicated that she wants to go to church and is talking with God. I think that her finding her way and finding God's way is more important than our marriage. It still hurts.<P>The disappointment that I feel at not loving Deb the way I wanted to...of not being able to handle the communication in a way that gave us both respect and admiration for each other, is a big part of what I feel. I know that it is over. She does not think that she was ever really in love with me. Hard to believe, isn't it. Sometimes I wonder when she says things like that if she is talking through her hurt and pain. I can't believe all of what she says because it is not the whole truth. It's a sad thing.<P>I tell you all this because I want you to know how to pray. I would have you pray for Deborah, that she would find God in a new and better way. That she would renew her faith and get rid of any bitterness. That you would pray for our financial health through all of these changes. That I would be whole again. That peace would replace fear.<P>Thank you for your help and time.<BR><P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>

Additional Note:<P>I expressed concern for her spiritually. She is not happy with life and says she has considered ending it all, but she is too chicken to do it. I understand the depression. Several years ago, I felt the same way. I know that it is the situation and the struggle. She is really struggling financially. <P>We talked about selling the house. She will get the house as part of the agreement. But we have only been in it for about 4 years. Even though we got a good deal, it will still be hard to sell it and break even. It will be her problem. My daughter is 18 next month and will graduate in the Spring. There is not going to be any request for child support. I will be providing the health insurance coverage for my daughter and son until they are no longer eligible. They are 20 and 18, so that will not last very long. Her debts, incomes and holdings are hers. Mine are mine. I get the truck, she gets the Explorer. There is nothing else mentioned specifically. A general agreement to split everything as we deem necessary.<P>At the end of the evening we hugged. I told her that I was not able to share all the things that I wanted to share. She said that she is there. We will continue to talk. I will continue to let her know that I love her. I think that she knows this, but does not believe that she loves me. She said tonight that she was afraid that she was making a mistake when we were married. That she was not really in love with me then and was never really in love with me. She said that it was important that her parents thought I was the right man. I was the first man she dated that they actually liked. (I don't believe all this. I know we shared love through the years, but that is another story).<P>Of course I cried on the way home. My emotions have been a shambles over the last several weeks. Now, after all this, I am greatly disappointed that I was not successful in showing my wife how much I love her. Going through this has shown me how much I do love her. The sadness is great. <P><BR>

Just wanted you to know that someone was listening to you. I can hear the hurt and the loss of hope I wish I could say something tha would help. You have my prayers. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

My wife has also recently told me that she never really loved me either. She said that she knew on our wedding night that our marriage would be a failure. I am not sure I believe this. She has recently told me that she wants to move out, but wants to wait until we're more fianancially stable. It is very tough being married to someone that doesn't seem to love you anymore. Good luck to you and your wife.

Thanks DSD and TimJ,<P>I shared these thoughts with my brother who also went through a divorce about 3 years ago. He replied:<BR>I do understand what you are going through. One thing that stood out in your<BR>message was that Deborah said that she never loved you. Don't believe that.<BR>That is one of those standard lines that all of those who choose to leave<BR>the marriage say. I think they say that for two reasons: first, they think<BR>that it will make you feel better, and second, they try to convince<BR>themselves what they are doing is right. Neither is the case. First, it<BR>still hurts you, and second, it is false logic.<P>If Deborah were really trying to follow God, she would know that divorce is<BR>not the right answer. But you cannot convince her of that. Unfortunately,<BR>she may never understand. When she does, it will be too late. I think it<BR>is basically a character flaw. As we get older there is a natural tendency<BR>of looking at the one that you have lived with for a long time differently.<BR>It is hard to maintain a romance for a long period of time. Then when<BR>someone else comes along that stirs up those old feelings, and you feel like<BR>you are getting old (and you don't want to), it makes you forget about it.<BR>It is the old lie (you won't die). It is like spitting in the face of God.<BR>It's been done to men since the beginning of history (Adam and Eve). Eve's<BR>affair was with the devil himself.<P>You know, for an older brother, he really isn't all that bad. I've appreciated his insight and wisdom. When it is not the whole truth it is a lie. Just thought I would share that with you. <P><P>------------------<BR>7Habits (Dane)<BR>"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Einstein.<BR>