I have been married for 11 years this Friday, and am now separated from my wife and children.

I adore my wife and our children, and need help figuring out how to proceed from here.

Our marriage has had its ups and downs. Many good memories, but long periods where I have not been there emotionally for my wife. This, I think is due to how I have responded to frustrations with work, and also the fact that I have had a tendency to keep my eyes on goals in our lives, instead on enjoying each day as they come. I have been a great provider for the family, made good money, but always strived for something more without taking the time to stop and enjoy what I have.

4 years ago, she came to me and told me she was thinking of divorce, and I was jolted back into reality and our marriage was great for about six months.

A lot of things went south at work, and my mood changed slowly back to the way it was prior to our talk.

My wife told me to find a job I would be happy with, and I did - only it was back in my home country in Europe. This was in early march.

I was really excited about this; a great job, and a chance for the family to experience something new. We had talked about moving to Europe, but within a 2 year window. Instead, this came very fast.

I spent the last two weeks in the US fixing the house, so it could be sold. During this time, my wife tells me that she does not think our relationship is strong enough for the move. I simply don't pick up on the gravity of that statement, since I am working 12 hour days so the house will be ready before i leave.

We agree that I will take the kids with me, and they would stay with my parents in Europe, while i work. As soon as my wife would sell the house and come over, we would find a permanent place to live.


I go back to US for business in May, and she tells me she wants to leave me. We have a very emotional four days together where she at the end tells me she will give it another shot. I am insanely relieved.

With the slow housing market, we decide she will come to Europe for vacation the month of July. When she gets here, she is very distant, and tells me she is not sure about us. The last day before she is to head back to US to close on the house, I find out via an email that my wife has had an affair since I left the country. My world simply collapses at this point.
I get her to end it that day over the phone with me present, and she promises me she will not communicate with him ever again.

For the two weeks she was back in the states to close on the house and get the house packed, I was on needles waiting for her to come back.


When I pick her up at the airport first week of August, I can sense things are not right. She wants a divorce.

I take us to a marriage counselor, who gets us to agree to a seperation.

She takes the kids with her, and moves back to her parents, which is five hours away from where we used to live.


I will have the ability to relocate back to the US with the same company next April, but possibly earlier.

She wants to limit our contact to once or twice a week, while i am trying to find a way to rebuild this situation.

Is she over her affair?
How can I prove to her that I am able to provide a permanent change in my ablity to meet her needs?



Hoping for another day...

You really cannot ensure that the A is over while the two of you are separated, especially if you're in another country for the next eight months. This separation also goes against Dr. Harley's advice that married couples should never spend a night apart.

thank you
that was very onstructive.
any one else?