I put Plan B into effect 1 week ago. At least a dozen times in the past several months I have tried walking away, only to have my W come crying and begging to be let back in, telling me that she won't see the OM.<P>A few days ago, she came back (after 4 days of B). Cried and said she can't live without me, that she is willing to never see or speak to him again rather than risk losing me forever.<P>She has throughout this mess (7 mos) told me that she feels incomplete without me. That her business means nothing to her without me to share it. That she can't let me go, no matter how hard she has tried at times or even at times desired to, etc.<P>I am also of the opinion that she knows in her heart that OM isn't right for her in the long run, despite the fact that he is such a great guy, they have all this passion, blah, blah, blah.<P>I know that he is still calling her, leaving messages. Often. I know that she forwarded an email to him yesterday (no personal message). I don't know if she's talking to him, but I honestly suspect that she has had words. The other problem is that she is still intent upon living like a single woman. I have stuck this thing out for a long, long time. I have endured the emotional rollercoaster to the point where I CAN walk away. She tells me she wants to work it out, but she hasn't shown a sign yet of trying. I feel she has simply put off my exit while she continue to do whatever she wants. I haven't yet slept in our bed (we've been separated since day 1) since she came back. She keeps saying soon. I went to the movies with her one night. That's it. She is out tonight with friends.<P>Is this worth giving up Plan B? Am I just caving in to the "fantasy" of working it out? Should I push her a bit and tell her that I want what I want and will settle for nothing less? Is it wrong for me to want to sleep with her? I have been waiting 7 months for two simple words "Come home." Have I given up on Plan B too easily or should I just wait to see what happens a while longer? <P>So far, I feel like everything is about her. I think I might be afraid to demand what I want for fear of losing her to him for another minute.<P>I really need advice. <p>[This message has been edited by BigDaddy (edited October 16, 1999).]

BD,<P>If you are in Plan B, you can’t have sex with her!<P>It’s very difficult for the betrayer to stop an affair. Ask any of ‘em here.<P>Do Plan B. When she calls begging & crying, arrange for a meeting somewhere quiet. Tell her;<BR>1 She must give up om. ALL contact.<BR>2 She must agree to marriage counseling<BR>3 She must agree to tell you if she sees him, gets a call, email, letter or ANYTHING from him or if she contacts him in any way.<BR>4 Talk it out and both of you agree how these things will be accomplished.<BR>5 She must agree to try and work on the marriage.<BR>Don’t demand this from her. Tell her it is what you need in order to start working on the marriage.<P>If she cannot agree to these, then don’t return until she does.<P>You can’t be waffling back & forth in Plan B. If you do, it may go on forever. Remember. Plan B is for you. It is not to get her to do anything. If she is not willing to do the above stuff, then you can concentrate on you without worrying about her. After a time, she will either come around or you will not have any love left for her.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Big Daddy,<P>It sounds like your wife has moved back in with you and has agreed to stop seeing the other man. If that is the case, then plan B actions probably won't do you any good in getting you and your wife back in bed. Basically it is probably going to take some time for your wife to get over the affair, and you too. My wife has (I hope) not seen the other man since last May and things between us are still very uncomfortable. I have many times gotten tired of the cold shoulder and not being loved and also been tempted to tell my wife to move out our move out myself. I guess I have realized that the only way for some kind of normal relations to return is to give us time to get comfortable with each other (at least I hope). What I try to do is learn to be patient, also learn to control my frustrations and try to keep loving my wife even if she doesn't express or show much love back. Doesn't always do much good, but not sure what else can be done.<P>Good luck to you.