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Again,

GloryB is over there.

Just follow the smell of cake and delusion a la mode.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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oh my gosh...you guys are fiesty...

I was reading comments from the OW and you guys and wanted to say hats off to you guys that defended the marriages and the BS and COM...

4 eva I think I love ya girl!

Anyway OW did upset me but I can't respond directly to her presently plus I think you guys pretty much said it all...they just do not get it. furthermore she does not get it that the OC will grow up and ultimately pay the price for her decision.

whatever happened to...

respecting the constitution of marriage even if you are not married to the person ...it is a legal contract as well as religious contract

disrespecting someones marriage is a moral crime against the BW and COMC as well as God ( read the bible and review your ten commandements)

what about planning in advance how you will bring children in this world so they can have the best...a two parent household,and if not that at least no drama to greet them...it is sad to see society so accepting of a single parent households/lifestyles...when it was truly meant for children to have a two parent household/lifestyle.

what about respecting others and their boundaries. Do not do to others that you do not want done to you. This is why I know that what goes around comes around and there will be a price to pay eventually for these indiscretions.

and furthermore forget about the BW ( we are adults and have the ability to make choices for ourselves and can leave if we want to and move on but our children cannot ...A's intentionally causes harm to them...it is a cruel set of circumstances to raise a child and they can do nothing about it or even escape it ...they will be affected by it for the rest of their lives...

how about realizing that every relationship has problems but trying to escape them does not solve them...and there are always more respectful choices to make than choosing to have an A. For instance ...how about leaving the marriage.

how about realizing that most BW/BH are in the dark and were not given the opportunity to make a choice. Choices were made for them and the consequences of those choices forced upon them. Most BW/BH if brought to the table during the decision process you will find alot would have chosen to leave right then and there so the OW/OM could have their spouse without having to be lied to,health put at risk (STD's and Aids) , humiliated, disrespected and spared the pain and before loosing all respect for the spouse and risking the relationship with their COM.

Who are you OW/OM/ WH/WW to make decisions for someone else? Everyone has a right to choose when it comes to matters that affect them. Especially such as these...

Furthermore ..whatever happened to women looking out for each other when they know the man is married. I know I am that woman that has and will disclose affairs to friends so that they have the ability to make decisions about their life. They are owed the right to choose whether or not to stay or leave....at least they know what they are dealing with.

just some thoughts...

Last edited by shocked1; 08/28/08 01:27 PM.

BS
WH-(to old to know better)
COM- 2 DS (toddlers)
DDay- 4/28/08
OC- NC
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 Quote:
oh my gosh...you guys are fiesty...


Eh.

Don't mind me.

I've been in a bad mood since that brat dropped a house on my sister.



I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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Shocked

A very valid point "whatever happened for women looking out for each other".

My, look the height from which i have fallen.

When i found out that he even had a 6 month baby, i freaked out. i kicked him to the curb and told him i did not want to be involved with him.

The next day he came to me, heart broken, soar eyes and even wanted to bring me his 6 month daughter (his heart and everything) He talked of how his relationship was basically gone. and that "have you seen 2 people who r together but r basically separate" and yadi yada.

To my great stupidity, i bought that. and am now ashamed to say i didnt defend her by walking away completely. by staying with him, feeling sorry for him and then falling in love with him.

This is the same man that told me my boyfriend(at the time werent rite for me) i ended up dumping my boyfriend because of him (MM). I now realise it was a ploy for him to see me single so he could get in there.

For the record, all those 6 years were not together, it was every time he saw me he would ask me, and i would run. i even told people what he was trying to do. and also my boyfriend, who was shocked that he would be so open about trying to break us apart. in reterospect, he was jealous of the affection i showed my boyfriend which MM so despearately craved and obviously lacked.

but the extent to which he would go to get something like affection and intimacy? bamboozling.

The dynamics involved in OW Rs are complex, albeit wrong.

I told yall, i have moved to another continent, i want nothing to do with him.

I do accept my responsibility in all this. but there is a behind the scenes outlook that i think yall should know before you jump to attacking OW.

If he didnt cheat with me, he would have found someone else, some vulnerable needy prey, some lone soul.

If he didnt cheat with us, he would find a tree to cheat with.

Bottom line he was gonna cheat. i dont define myself as the temptress or seductress who waited in his path and then pounced on him, on the contrary i did what i knew best to ward him off. my best may not have been good enuff in the opinion of others, but i did put up a fight which even he will say. he sayed to me that he believes i wouldnt cheat on him because of how hard he worked to get me. and that he was happy he finally got me because i was very difficult for him.

maybe it was just a conquest which he caught at the most opportune time. my opportune time came when things went wrong for me and he happened upon me at that time.

i sleep like a baby at night, because i in my deepest conscience know i did not go out to hurt anybody. this whole thing was not against my conscience to begin with. but with time, i realised i dont want to have him.

to me conscience is fighting for a man who is already married, thats not fair. fine, we messed up. but i think staying is messing up even more. for this reason i skipped continents (with his aid and us putting our minds together as to what is best)

thats the part i will own up or fess up to. is trying to continue this relationship. which he still wants to do. which everytime he goes thru something hard he rings me up, be it 3 am drunk or sober, wanting to "talk and connect".

that to me is conscience, and i just wont continue on those grounds, then it will become eakingly clear what am doing to undermine their marriage.

when he come to me, and did his ploys to get me, i fell ok, but that was his beeswax. i didnt come to him. i didnt fish him out, he did that.

i sign off ladies.

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Hey OW.............Having judt found out about my H's OC 2 weeks ago, my wounds are still fresh. YOU DO NOT BELONG HERE!!!!!!

I don't care what your reason for posting is. You knew he was M but proceeded anyway. Your decision-your fault. It's not like you met him out and didn't know he a W and family. You said you knew him for 6 years.

Go over to TOW and post there where all the Pathetic OW are waiting patiently for MM to leave their wives. I know you said you don't want to hurt his family, but just hearing from someone like you makes me sick!!!!!


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oh no.

i want him and his family 2 work.

i skipped continents so am not a threat rite?

in affairs,

the OW is the enabler
the MM is the deceptive cheating addictive abusive 1.

the OW is a highlighter of wats wrong

ur focus ought 2 b on ur relationship and haz.

am not important. i m just a blip on the horizon of your relationship. he loves u with a special concrete love. and u sleep in his bed rite? have his ring on ur finger not? have his name and children.

r u gonna let this blip ruin wat u spent yrs building? or r u with time, going 2 learn 2 fix this mishap. i m not the focus here. its u 2.

surviving this will mean u consolidate even more. As dont have 2 b the end of an R.

it would be great that your relationship had some continuity aint it? that in reterospect, this did not stop you from being married even for 60 years.

all said and done. i want the best for yall.

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Who gives a s**t that you switched continents? You yourself said that he still calls you for his emotional need and to connect.

You take his calls, therfore,you are still part of it.

And what's with all the "I switched continents" crap? Some Ow who move away just go to a different city or state.

Is the Continent thing supposed to impress us????

please..............


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 Quote:
If he didnt cheat with me, he would have found someone else, some vulnerable needy prey, some lone soul.

If he didnt cheat with us, he would find a tree to cheat with.

Bottom line he was gonna cheat. i dont define myself as the temptress or seductress who waited in his path and then pounced on him, on the contrary i did what i knew best to ward him off. my best may not have been good enuff in the opinion of others, but i did put up a fight which even he will say. he sayed to me that he believes i wouldnt cheat on him because of how hard he worked to get me. and that he was happy he finally got me because i was very difficult for him.


And this somehow makes it okay?

Geezum crow.

Why did your writing styles change so much?


Inner voices at war, are they?


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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Posts: 8,344
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 Quote:
I know you said you don't want to hurt his family, but just hearing from someone like you makes me sick!!!!!


Honey,

Don't let a STOW make you ill.

That she pays lip service to the All-Mighty-I-Didn't-REALLY-Mean-To only cements the fact that she JUST admitted that she can't control herself.

That she had to move a continent away just adds a little glue to the cement.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
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BTW dear ones...don't you just love trolls....

They are especially good with KETCHUP!


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 13
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NO,

not even. i told you that am moving on with my life. but wanted to illustrate to you that he is using me as his emmotional bench press by calling me.

i AM NO LONGER IN HIS LIFE. by choice not to continue. we messed up - fine. but staying would be violating my conscience. that i will accept responsibility as being wrong if i continued.

all am trying to tell you is, dont waste preciuos energy (which u must appreciate is now even more limited) on us.

the real problem is your R and your spouse. focus on this.

i think, too many times women spend all their energy on the other 1, when the thing that needs the most attention is ignored, and thus suffers.

i myself have been in both sides of the coin. the first time i was the BS then now am the OW. looking at both sides, i think the BS need not be threatened.

just focus on your marriage. grow together. vent. shout at him, its you and your relationship not me.

am not important, am trying to tell you this. am just someone they used when things got hard. to the both of you i dont matter. the most important thing is now ur R. so focus on this ok? dont let me dissillusion ya.

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am not important, am trying to tell you this. am just someone they used when things got hard. to the both of you i dont matter. the most important thing is now ur R.


The first logical thing you've said.

Brava.

(I really do mean it, too)


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 13
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PS. its good you can vent all you want at me. i bet u feel a little better afterward dont you now.

u just need to shout and get it out. am here if u need to ask any querries. or gain perspective i wuld imagine wuld b much needed.

vent vent vent. even 2 ya huzzy. sorry.

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theOW,

This is a "MARRIAGE" Builders site. Have you lost your way?


Berlin
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thats y i dont think u shuld spend your times being threatened.

work on your marriages.

i have never been the OW that would fight for a man.

even if it were for another reason, if i have to fight for something, Lord it aint mine.

whats urs comes 2 u freely.

he is not mine point blank.

i mean it when i say he loves u. but look at what happened that caused him to go all out.

sometimes they (men) r just mean, but sometimes, we willingly put them in that position, taking them for granted and then they have to go elsewhere to find affection attention intimacy.

ladies, please dont do this? be humble. and in todays society women dont like being humble, they wanna be equal to a man.

the spin on the OW is she is normally willing to do anything for this man. this inturn boosts his ego. but how many of you are willing to boost ya mans egos at ur expense? if u married i suggest u do that. but am not married so i dont have to humiliate myself like this, cause theres no commitment there.

but u both r. ur men love you, but as the woman, u gotta get that emmotional pump going, humble urself, do whats against your nature, give him a back rub, cook for him and talk to him gently.

if he is wrong, this will be like coals on his head, burning his conscience, he will fess up and own up. am not saying it doesnt take work it does.

for some i think this is why men have emmotional affairs, but i think that some men are just ... who knows, but i believe, if u humbled urself, and gave him loads of love emmotionally and sexually, he would need not pounce about.

and its not ur faults i understand, this is not true for all marriages, sometimes some men have just run their courses and are living it out.

but if u took vows before God, then u must be in it for the long haul.

i am sorry God if i with or without knowing brought pain to another.

i wish them to even be more bonded because of this. forgive me father.

woman, please succeed. its hard cause u have emmotions and then all this mess. but go for councelling. i will pray for you.

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Berlin

i havent lost my way. i was here because of girly's story.

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theOW,

What is your purpose for posting? Are you here to Marriage Build or support those here that want to?


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YES, you HAVE lost your way.

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but am not married


This IS a MARRIAGE BUILDERS site!!!


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i want to help

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TheOW,

This is a MARRIAGE BUILDING site. It is not a place for OWs/OMs to try and school those here that have been devastated by adultery. Hearing the interloper's side of the story is NOT helpful to the goal of MARRIAGE BUILDING.

Maverick

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