The no fault divorce process is going to cause injustice toward me. I’m sure no one on this site is surprised by that. But to be at peace with myself and in an effort to just express my hurt, I’m going to make a request to my WXW to voluntarily compensate me.

I’m basing my request for compensation on her irresponsibly ending our marriage, on her adultery, infidelity, on the availability of solutions that she did not even accept to so much as explore, on my personal investment in her high paying career and on the loss of my life investment with her because of her adultery and now the ruin of our marriage.

I’m also thinking of making a request to the adulterer. I’m not really hopping that he’ll pay but it is just to officialise that he wronged me, and that has not recognised this, that he did not make it up in any way and that I just have no recourse but that he wronged me.

Alienation of affection.

It is not a question of being bitter but of expressing the injustice and the wrong that was committed against me and our marriage.

What do you think?
Am I being too nice?
Am I wasting my time?

I think a better vangance would be to lie to them by saying that it is all for the best and that everything is OK with me and "lets be friends".

Tell that to your attorney, not your WW.

I live in a No-Fault state and that kind of stuff is taken into consideration for things like spousal support, property division, etc.

Good luck

I wonder if that sort of thing would work. Or if you just propose a property settlement that gives you more assets.

I.E. you stay in the home, keep all of your 401(k) and get 1/2 of hers, as well as primary custody of YOUR children, etc.

I don't think I'd look at it as compensation. I'd look at it merely as dividing up the assets and you want more. If she asks why, say she is the one who cheated and left and she can keep 1/2 of her stuff and you'll keep all of yours.

It doesn't hurt to start high, and work down from there.

I think it will be more about negotiation than it will be about compensation.

If there is equity in the marital home, why not just negotiate to keep the home, it's equity, and of course the kids, and either she pays some child support, or maybe none at all for you getting to keep the home and the kids there.

I kept my home, but my wife got to be the primary custodian because she was a SAHM prior to her affair, so the pattern was already established.

Edited to add, I see you don't have kids. So at least that doesn't seem to be a complication, if I understand your sig.

I wouldn't seek "damages" just negotiate for a greater share of the assets. If her child by the OM is mentioned, I'd just say that is really not your issue, that's between her and the OM, and if she wants assets for her and the child that she should seek support from the OM, not the husband she betrayed.

It really depends on the laws in your jurisdiction. Where I live, it doesn't matter who does what to who, why or how bad it is, the marital assets are divided 50/50 unless you can agree to something else on your own out of court. In other words, a cheating WS can actually siphon and hide money away so come the actual date of separation, there is less to divide up (my Wstbx actually did this). It's a common tactic around here and virtually impossible to do anything about (I know of only one case where the WW won the lottery with her OM and the BH managed to prove to the court that she took it without him knowing but that is really, really rare). So if your state is like this, your only option is to negotiate directly with your WS.

If your state offers any protection against abuse or adultery, you might stand a better chance going through legal channels. Talk to your lawyer.

Have your attorney negotiate for a greater share of the assets, like zero percentage of your retirement and you get half of the value of the house.

It's the best you are going to get.

or you could do what i did and drag your feet on the divorce and piss her off to the point that she signs whatever you put in front of her

I had sort of the opposite scenario Charlie in that he was willing to walk out on the spot for nothing but as time went on, he realized he would need more. I had my SA signed within a month of the day he asked for a D, still came out ahead but not as well as if I'd agreed to it that day. Three days after he signed, he realized I'd rounded up some numbers in my favour and started to complain about it but it was too late.

I dragged my feet to starve her out, but her attorney was pro-bono. Wound up costing me five grand and everything I had.

PLUS I got to pay the taxes n her new found plunder.

Too bad there's no law where you can sue OP for your losses.

If there was, too many lawmakers would be bankrupt.

yea i did things in a very unorthodox and might i even say risky manner

i filed pro se and "won" the negotiations by simply refusing to move forward unless it benefitted me

Thank you for your comments.

My draft is done.

In this no-fault jurisdiction, I have no real legal grounds to force her to compensate me for her mistakes.

My layer will only be asking for 50/50 and will not represent anything else since he has no legal way of putting it to the judge.

I believe that she will not pay what I ask and will just feel insulted and take her usual stance of « We were just not made to be together », « It is all for the best » and « we didn’t have kids ».

I hadn't seen this. There are ways to negotiate for more, such as a willingness to waive any waiting periods if this is the settlement.

I.E. if your state has a two year waiting period for a no-fault divorce, but that can be waived after 6 months if both parties agree to it, then say you would be much more motivated to waive the waiting period if your proposed settlement is accepted.

What's the worst thing she would say? No?

Two questions. Is she in a big hurry to get out? And does she have a lawyer.

If she is in a hurry, you actually do have leverage. If she has a lawyer, (s)he will probably take that away but it's still worth trying.

Lots of things are negotiable. If you know she'd like to keep some particular possession - say a camera or some antique that may or may not have actual value - give them to her in exchange for stuff that's worth more (play on her greed and desire to have these items).

I drew out a flow chart type sheet this way. Started with the house (which I undervalued to begin with), then the debt, then our retirement funds (he kept his, I kept mine), then the cars and then these other things. You won't believe how much they'll trade away for these material items.