Dear sisters on MB

KINDLY DO TELL US:

1. What led to EA
2. How long did you know OM for
3. What ways did you sneak around
4. Did your love for hubby diminish at this time
5. Did you actually love OM or was it just him filling a void
6. Did your EA develop to PA and if so after how long
7. During the course of EA, did you realise it was an EA or did you consider it strong friendship
9. During the course of EA did you want to stop it but found yourself addicted like a drug
10. How did you feel after EA was discovered

I haven't had an EA, but maybe reading the article "Why Women Leave Men" would help answer these questions.

Why Women Leave Men

very inciteful

I had an affair.

It was EA for just over a year. We tried to stop in on several occassions and knew when and how it would become PA. Again tried to stop it, but for me, I couldn't - I loved him.

I should have left my H first, but didn't.

the EA started b/c my H was not in the picture emotionally for me or my family for 3-4 years. I was raising our children, and screaming at the top of my lungs telling him I need things different. Unfortunately, he couldn't hear. NOt me, not the distance, not counseling.

He heard the affair. Loud & clear. He has completely changed, totally into the family and willing to make M work. I, however, while I am trying, still love another man.

the A ended 4 months ago.

What led to EA Unmet EN's, lack of knowledge, lack of closure with EXBF (he's who I had the EA with)

How long did you know OM for before EA 6Y; 3Y EA

What ways did you sneak around H had no access to my computer, work phone, and cell phone

Did your love for hubby diminish at this time Not only love, but respect, trust, feelings of safety.

Did you actually love OM or was it just him filling a void Both, I had unresolved young love, but as an adult didn't know if my feelings were actual love, or if I was remembering how we used to be; he definitely filled a void for me.

Did your EA develop to PA and if so after how long It did not, but probably could have had we lived closer

During the course of EA, did you realise it was an EA or did you consider it strong friendship I did not know it was an EA, but, I DID know that it was wrong, because it was something that I kept hidden.

During the course of EA did you want to stop it but found yourself addicted like a drug Nope. Looking back now, I see how it could have been like a drug, because it wasn't until many months after not contacting him that I realized what I had been doing was really, really wrong. It didn't feel so wrong at the time, even though I felt like I needed to keep it hidden.

How did you feel after EA was discovered Mine wasn't discovered in the traditional sense. I ended things and remained NC for 3-4Y before truly coming clean to my H. I came clean to him because of his own ONS, and I felt that if I was expecting transparency from him, I also needed to provide it to him.

Affairs do not start because of unmet needs, lack of closure, etc, etc. The last two posters are still in a fog, so don't think that they are telling you how affairs start. Affairs start due to the wayward letting down their guard, having weak boundaries, not being honest with their spouse about their needs that are not being met, not filing for divorce before getting involved with someone else. The betrayed spouse is not responsible for the affair, no matter how bad a partner they are. They are responsible for the state of the marriage and they share this responsibility equally with their partner. They have zero percent responsibility for the wayward going out and getting involved with another person.

Don't mean to be mean, but I just don't think it's a good idea to share fog talk with a spouse who is dealing with an affair.

1. What led to EALack of RC, someone to talk to that listened and I didnt use my morals to standard in a M. Not my DH fault. I take full blame.
2. How long did you know OM forA few weeks. I saw him as well in a prior workplace but didnt pay mind.
3. What ways did you sneak aroundStayed out late, acted like I was going out with friends or would work late.
4. Did your love for hubby diminish at this timeI wouldnt say diminished, but put on the back burner. I knew I cared for DH at the time but here is was someone doing what he would do with me.
5. Did you actually love OM or was it just him filling a voidfilling a void.
6. Did your EA develop to PA and if so after how longYes. EA was a few weeks turned PA about a month later.
7. During the course of EA, did you realise it was an EA or did you consider it strong friendshipStrong friendship is what I believed at first but let it get worse then that.
9. During the course of EA did you want to stop it but found yourself addicted like a drugIt was a drug. I liked the high the attention I was getting and how I felt I was being put on a stool.
10. How did you feel after EA was discovered Back then I didnt care. I didnt care if anyone knew. I insisted it was friendship only. When it became a PA, I still didnt care and I hurt alot of ppl in my path. Looking back at it. I would have slapt myself If I ran into her again.