I'm new here and would appreciate your advice, thoughts and comments.

Dh is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Our first years were filed with abuse and chaos.

We separated and he went though rehab. He made a vow that he would never drink again.

During those first few years, I was unfaithful to him. My affair was not sexually. The affair was 23 years ago although Dh has only known about it for 8 years.

Over the past couple of years, he has been on prescription drugs for anxiety and depression. He has misused/abused the anxiety drug. I just recently found out he has also been drinking.

I am crushed that he would drink again knowing what it would do to us. He has also lied many times to me about both the drugs and the alcohol. When we discuss it, he blames me and says he is drinking and taking drugs to numb the pain of my affair.

We love each other very much and have for the most part had a good relationship. Many issues/disagreements go unresolved as he used my unfaithfulness as his excuse for his actions.

I told him that since he was drinking that I was thinking of ending our marriage. He has promised that he will not drink again and that he will do what it takes to make our marriage work.

I am also willing to do what it takes to save our marriage.


What do I do now?

How can I learn to trust him again?
How can I assure him that I am being honest and have been a faithful wife to him?

My suggestion would be that he commit to getting sober - and that means prescription drugs too.

You can't do anything until he has some sobriety. Usually they recommend ONE YEAR and during that time, he go to AA and get a sponsor - that should help with heaps of issues he has.

Until then, you can go to Alanon - and perphaps counseling for yourself.

I had an affair too. Quite frankly, if my H decides to stay and we work (which is how it's going) then there is no living in the past. I simply won't tolerate it. I had an A and he has some responsibility in it too.

best of luck with this...

First, Continuous, your husband is in no way responsible for your CHOICE to cheat as a response to your unhappiness in your marriage. You had other CHOICES (example: Divorce). Therefore your adultery is 100% YOUR responsibility.

As far as you not tolerating your husband living in the past. Do you mean you don't feel any obligation to answer questions he may have about your adultery, or no obligation to feel remorse for the hurt you've caused? Because Harley (the owner of this site) tells us the WS owes compensation to their betrayed spouse.

Since you're new and to help you get spun up, I'll pull up Harley's articles so you can read and learn.

Jo