Is talking to a man on MB's having an affair and is wrong? Do I have to ask when I post here if it is a man or woman. Why is talking to a BS that happens to be a man OK on Marriage Builders but not OK in person with someone who has suffered from infedelity in their lives? Is it not OK to post to SDGuy? Two people that just trying to help one another.

Dupree:

Have you read some of the other threads around here?

Please read SilentLucidity's thread.

Her thread had her WH come home for about 4-5 months, and then she realized he only did it for save some cash, NOT to recover a M.

You may find many similarities to your future, because SL HAS lived it.

Then you can read Bugsmom thread, about her experiences with her W-ExH. His A appears over and now he's sniffing around Bugs. But she is enforcing her boundaries before letting him come back.

Why should you read them? You need to decide "Do I want him back?" Because then it doesn't MATTER WHAT HE WANTS.

And, since you met the other guy, you understand why it is recommended that you wait two years before you really "date" again. Keeps the baggage to a minimum.

LG

DATE



Gaslighting.

I am just trying to get you to focus on the reality of what you are doing.

Thanks wannamoveforward. I value your opinions. I am feeling a bit off as I did not expect this. Truly thought we were finished and was even OK about it. Not happy of course, just OK. I need to stay on course and get rid of the background noise and if he relly is sincere he will do whatever it takes to return.. Thanks just needed that reminder!!

Thanks lousygolfer. I have read those threads and yes my WH returned for 4 months just to leave again? Similar stories, not due to cash though. I will enforce my boundaries and NOT make the same mistake twice.

I know exactly what I am doing. I am not letting a man who has been insensitive, cruel, disrespectful, and selfish not run my life anymore. He has been out having an affair, while I took care of our kids, made sure the bills were paid, mowed the lawn, took care of the pool, weeding, and many other chores that he did not do while he was in fantasyland. I also went back to work after being home for 11 years! Well too bad medc if you want to call me an adulterer. You are entitled to your opinion, even though you are dead wrong. It is my time, my life, and for once I have finally felt empowered in this whole sick ordeal. Not because I have been dating, but because I chose to do something for me for a change. I decided to make my life happy. It's about me and my kids now, and guess what>>>I think my WH sees it and it's scaring him to death. So you can stop preaching to me about being an adulter because I've hung in there longer than most could. I waited and I'm not waiting anymore.

well, you can run your mouth with rationalizations...but that does not change the facts.

I happen to think you were headed on a correct path and have ZERO problem with what you were doing...until YOU express that you are dating WHILE MARRIED and still considering getting back with your husband. That my dear, is adultery. Period.

If your marriage is DEFINITELY over, I say more power to you...but until YOU make that call, you have NO BUSINESS dating.

I had conditions set long time ago so if he decided he wanted to return that the conditions must be met. I covered that. Spoke to Jennifer and came up with the conditions.

What were those conditions?
Has WH met those conditions?

If not, then the answer is simple: either drop the "friend" and do a real Plan B, or keep the friend and file for D.

If yes, then drop the "friend" while you decide whether or not you're still interested in reconciling.

Dupree

You were the one to say your dating a man.
Even if you meant seeing as a friend. I say that married people should not have opposite sex friends.

Moving on to your WH. I think him hearing about your "boy friend"
could be making him trying to keep stringing you along to keep you off the dating market. Even though he has no intentions of dumping his OW.

You think you have been in a plan B. Unfortunately you are not because you have not gone dark. You still communicate directly. It maybe limited but it has been just enough to allow WH to continue being a fence sitter.

Your demands for recovery and plan B are worthless. You have allowed direct contact instead of using a third party. You have shown that you do not mean your requirements for recovery. You let WH have direct contact with you without WH meeting your requirements for direct contact.

You get advice from Jennifer and MB but as many who come hear do what you want instead of following this advice.

You are in as much fog as your WH. It's never alright to date, socialize, lunch, dine with the opposite sex.

You are still married. Marriages are not made better with the addition of a second WS.

It seems that each one of you is waiting for the other to file for divorce so they can not be blamed for ending the marriage.