Hello everyone. I need some support. I divorced a few months ago and since divorcing, I met this really nice guy. We have been talking for a while. Anyway, this morning around 1:30 am, I received a telephone call from his fiance'. You can imagine the shock that I felt when I found this out. She was very nice about it. She made him do a 3 way call, so he was on the telephone also. She stated that I am not the first woman that he have been involved with since being engaged to her. Anyway, he admitted that he is in love with his fiance and he apologized for making me feel that he was in love with me. I am hurt again. My heart had already been broken by my ex-husband and now this. I did not let him get off easy with asking me to forgive him. I let him know how I really felt about his wrong doing. His fiance was fussing at him also but she keep letting him do it to her. I don't understand why she is still dating him and she know that he is dating other women. See, I am not the only one that he have been involved with while being engaged to her. We were making plans to meet again this week and he never mentioned anything about being involved with someone. I am glad that I found out about him being a cheater before I got deeper into the relationship and married him. Anyway, if anyone have any type of advice on how to deal with this please tell me! I was really into this guy..we had discussed about marriage in the future.

I'm so sorry. It hurts so much but it will pass. Consider yourself very lucky to have found out about this loser before it was too late. I know it doesn't help the pain but it could have been much, much worse.

All I can tell you is to do what I've started doing - get to know them pretty good from a distance BEFORE you let those feelings into play.

In fact, one that hurt me pretty badly back in May keeps trying to get up with me again and I have absolutely no use for him. I don't mind being friends and just talking over the phone, but I have no other interest in him whatsoever. Hopefully I made him mad enough last night by telling him the flat out truth without any sugarcoating on it. I sent him an email from the MB weekend follow-up that reminded me of his behavior that ran me off in the first place. He started texting then called. He didn't like me telling him about the fact that he was good to apologize for hurtful behavior, but didn't change his behavior to go along with the apology. He got mad. I told him it was the truth and if he didn't want to hear the truth and learn then he wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone.

Big thing girl...Don't give your heart away before you have time to learn whether or not a guy would make a logically good choice for a mate. That's just advice that Dr. Harley passed on to me a couple months ago.

Good Luck
RMW

Also, it is recommended that you wait quite a while after a divorce before you date again. That is to let you get familiar with yourself, spend time alone, discover who you are by yourself, where you want to go in life, who you want to be, what you really want to do. Make all the decisions that are important for YOU before you get tangled up with someone else and might end up giving up your own dreams to accommodate his. And also to spend some time thinking about what your role was that led to the divorce. That way, the next time you get involved with someone, you are a smarter, stronger person.

You've only been divorced a few months and you were already talking about marriage with this new guy? Isn't that just a little bit fast? How many in-person dates had you even gone on?

Don't be so harsh BHHFSGuy. For all you know, her divorce may have dragged on for years. At least give her the benefit of the doubt. And even if she jumped into this too fast, a broken heart is a broken heart. She certainly didn't deserve this loser.

It's actually not so much the time since her divorce that I'm wondering about. It's that she's only been seeing this guy for a few months (unclear if that's 3 months or 9 months) and was already talking about marriage with him. That seems really accelerated.

There's no question that the guy is a slimeball. If she hadn't gotten so attached so quickly, the heartbreak wouldn't have been as bad.

It didn't. If you look at her past posts, she began divorce proceedings last November and it was finalized in June.

Hi everyone. I read your responses and I appreciate your support. To answer some of the questions. Yes, I started the divorce proceedings in November of 2007 and it was finalized June 2008. I did not meet this guy until afterwards. As far as marriage discussion. He brought up the topic and he was referring to in the future about marriage. I told him that we should date a while and see how that turns out first. No, there was no such thing as jumping into marriage plans. I am not ready to get married this early after divorce. I was saying that I'm happy I found out that he is a cheater before I got into marriage with him. Regardless, it is still painful but I am not going to give up on dating but I will take the advice and not put myself so deep into it from the start! I learned that the hard way but atleast I know better now. I appreciate all of your support. I am feeling better today. Now I am looking for another man! (Just Kidding) I am going to take a break. God Bless You All!!

I really take no merit in time of a relationship. I could be dating someone for years and not know them as well as someone who's dating 6 months

My feeling is you just have to assess their charachter and heart first. If this is OK, then you can allow your feelings to develop. The hard part is separating yourself from the relationship long enough take the other person's actions at face value (good or bad). This gets distorted when you develop feeling for them, so this is why you need to assess charachter, heart, etc first.

Regarding time after divorce, I believe this is up to the individual person. Even though I didn't file for divorce until last year, my marriage was essentially dead long before. I hung on for the kids and because I thought it was right.

I really think you should be more sympathetic to her, she doesn't deserve to be lied to, lead on, etc. The guy is scum and took advantage of 2 women.