I hear this as you saying, "He decided that we can't go, and the discussion is closed, we'll never go." That Master/Slave Al Turtle talks about. Did I get that right? If I did, what's the payoff for you seeing negotiations as closed off? Because it's easier to make a complaint, accept it, and move on, because that just takes one person, and negotiation takes two willing participants? Is this the pattern that you want to reinforce, the making do with solutions you aren't enthusiastic about?

What would make him enthusiastic about going? What would make you enthusiastic about him not coming along with you all?

jayne, happy birthday! woohoo!

Yes, jayne, Happy Birthday!

Thanks y'all for the birthday wishes!

The thing about driving to Ottawa, it's a 6 hour drive in the wrong direction, so we'd have to drive there, say tonight, spend the night in a hotel, visit things tomorrow, drive back tomorrow night, and then start the car trip to go back to the states Sat. or Sun. Originally H thought he had to go to Ottawa anyway for his work visa. If he doesn't have to, then the only reason to go is to see the museums, and we are awfully busy... but then if it were me, I would've taken the kids to see the museums when we were there, instead of that tour of the parliament bldg. H's excuse for buying the tix for the tour, after we'd discussed it and agreed (his idea, even) to see the museums instead, his excuse was that we'd be back, and he promised 6a especially that we'd see the art museum.

So I see that we don't really have a lot of time to spare if the drive isn't needed, but I'm still feeling really bad that twice 6a was promised we'd take him to the art museum, and we aren't.

I really don't see that I can do anything about that. I guess I could pack the kids in the car and take the kids myself, against H's wishes, but I don't think that's a good solution.

What about a family discussion about what you all could do in town that would make you all enthusiastic about not going to Ottowa, since you don't sound like you want to go, either? Maybe the kids are not enthusiastic either about the 12 hours roundtrip.

Did you tell DS6a privately or all together not to get his hopes up about the museum, because the words "I promise" mean something drastically different to each of you? Have you explained this in a calm moment to DS6a? That what "I promise" from your H means, "I wish and hope I can do this for you. I would like to do this for you. I don't know if we can do this or not. But I know for sure we will not do this now."

Maybe you want to discuss this together, too. What does "I promise" mean? You can tell DS6a how to make that translation internally.

Personally, my kids get REALLY UPSET when we break a promise to them. They would hear the word "promise" when I didn't even say it. So I say really clearly, "I hope we can do this another time. But I know we're not doing it today."

My H, on the other hand, is naturally very good on following through, so he does make them promises, without the caveats that I use. Someone may see that as flaky of me, and I prefer to see it as flexible, but anyhow I'm glad I can be clear about it.

For next time, how about you look at what you are enthusiastic about? Just because he buys tickets doesn't mean you have to go. Sometimes we don't agree, and we split up, one kid with one and the other kid with the other. What would you have been enthusiastic about doing in that situation? Instead of dancing the "I promise" dance? Do you think something like this may happen again? Do you think it is worth planning for?

I asked them about this in front of everyone. It seems 6a thought an art museum was a place where people would help you do various hands-on art activities, like the science museum was a place with lots of hands-on science activities. lol I told him it's a place where you look at famous artwork that other people have made. He no longer wants to go. Whew!


I've done this sort of thing, but in all honesty I did it in a DJ way. Not nearly as respectfully as the way you've written it out. Next time I will try to remember that other people's world views are also valid, and they are not wrong just because they look at things differently than I do.


I'm like your kids. I feel very strongly about broken promises... and I count a statement of "we'll do this" as a commitment to do so, if at all possible. If it isn't a commitment, then I do like hearing or giving the caveats - "I think we'll be able to do such-and-such, we'll try, ok?" If I agree to do something, then I'll practically kill myself trying to do it. In fact others are helping me to see that I don't have to go to such extremes, it is ok to change plans and say no to things, with new information etc.


This is tough. I think I would not feel enthusiastic about just letting some of the tickets go to waste. Plus, the kids would prolly both wanna go with me, so H would be going by himself, wasting 3 tix... and he'd feel bad, and I'd feel bad. Or he'd say "ok, I won't go either." Then he'd feel bad, and I'd feel bad. And then I'd prolly say ok, let's go, since you've already bought the tix...

Hey guys, check out my new sig!

NOT because I'm mad, just cus i LOVE watching these blue guys argue!
Seriously, if I'm mad it makes me feel a little better, and if I'm not mad, it makes me feel a LOT better!

If it's a TOS violation let me know and I'll remove them... poor lil guys...

LOL,
I just asked you on my thread why them.
Hey I had never noticed the panting before

Oh yes, just sit and watch him... somewhere, I think on my thread, I wrote out a whole script... it took me about half an hour, watching him and writing, then watching and waiting till he got to the same point in the cycle, and figuring out a bit more of what he was saying....

How can you look at them and NOT grin????

I think adding the guy on the left just puts it way over the top as far as amusement goes! The best free entertainment I've had in a long time!

Notice how the middle guy and the guy on the right are looking at each other and arguing with each other???

you spend WAYYYYYY to much time watching them Jayne
you'll go :crosseyedcrazy:

and yes I did

from another thread, "For Jayne241":


First blue guy: "mmurrmmurrmmurrmmurrmmurrmmurr..."

Second blue guy:
"wheeze.. wheeze.. wheeze..
"mmurrmmurrgrumgrumgrum ...
"nnggrrrnnggrrnnggrr...
"mmurrmmurr..argh..ARGH..&#$%^@&*$#&...
"mmurrmmurrmmurr..youyouyouYOUYOUYOU...
"mmurrmmurrmmurr..WHYWHYWHY...
"mmurrmmurrmmurr..THISTHISTHIS...
"mmurrmmurrmmurr..youyouYOUYOU..ARGHARGHARGH...
"ah..whoo..ah..whoo..ah..whoo..." (heavy wheezing)

Just watched thru 3 cycles while reading your script.

ROFLMAO

I think my favorite parts are when he's going "nnnnngggggg"
and "youyouYOUYOU" and "whywhyWHYWHY"

OMG

I think have become addicted to your script.
:MrEEk:

dontcha just LUV it when he turns to grumble and says, "YOUYOUYOUYOU!"

I am actually trying to work out my own script....

I should go find my own icons to play with tho

please provide me with an alternate script, to get this one outta my head!

I'm tickled pink blue that someone finally recognized my genius.

Woman, I figued out you were a genius when you gave me my first bit of advice.
Then finding out what you do when your not on MB helped a bit too.
Do you not realise just how smart you are???
you scare me

Then how come once a month y'all gotsta talk me through MB 101 all over again?