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Hi, Yes I thought it was symbolic too. I only wish I could get rid of her that easily! You know what I did then? I went and had a cigarette with my Mom and brother. I felt pretty good after that!

I will admit to having gone back to some light smoking (just a few a day) because of all the stress. Don't jump on me.....LOL!

I will quit, and I never ever smoke in the house. Just to get over the hump I guess. I told H yesterday that We, meaning me and the kids will not be seeing OC until I get the marriage counselor's opinion.

I am also going to insist on a DNA test. Let him and OW split the cost. First she was a lesbian, then engaged to a man, then a 4 year live-in R with another woman, then my H, now apparently seeing another woman. Can't verify that any of this is true except that she does sleep with women. I know this for a FACT.

So she could have been with anyone. He doesn't like it? TOUGH!

I'm calling the shots now. He doesn't like it, he can leave. I really don't care. His bed,he can lie in it. Cause he won't be in my bed anytime soon.


Me: BS-37
WH: 39
OC born 6/08
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Empowerment...........is a BEAUTIFUL thing. Once you chase that fear away and get angry, you can best act in your own best interest.

And keep that smoking under control. Not jumping on ya...I'm a smoker too, trying to quit. But I know how easy it can be picked up when we are under so much stress.

Hugs to you hon.

4eva


4eva

BW-47
WH-46
Married 21 yrs.
D-19
S-15
OC-14/born 9/99
NC
Dday #1 10/30/04
Dday #2 7/2/12 Skank ho #2 (40ish, childless, single & desperate; the world is becoming over-run with them...just like cheaters)
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Alright! You are finding your power...I am proud of you!


BS
WH-(to old to know better)
COM- 2 DS (toddlers)
DDay- 4/28/08
OC- NC
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 Originally Posted By: hurtmomof2
Hey Guys! Nothing from OW poster today...........do you think I scared her away? \:D



still alive and kicking yall.

jus tryn 2 behave 4 moderators

______________________________________________________

REMINDER - this forum is privately owned and operated by the Harley's as a forum for MARRIAGE BUILDING

We are watching you very carefully!

c00per

Last edited by c00per; 08/30/08 10:53 AM.
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OW obviously has no regard for the wishes of BWs. Typical OW! It's all about her.

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 Quote:
I will admit to having gone back to some light smoking (just a few a day) because of all the stress. Don't jump on me.....LOL!


Don;t worry about it.
I took it up again a month after finding out about the A, only surprised I took that long. Carryed on at 10-15 a day for about 10 weeks.
Gave it up again 6 weeks ago, and really was very easy, just knew I didnt need my crutch anymore.

As i said to the odd person who made a comment IRL "Its less destructive than alcohol and drugs would be for me right now."


Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
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A great substitute for the cigarettes: celery stix.

No, I'm not kidding.
They have a chemical in them that helps protect your body from the negative effects fo the stress hormone cortisol.
I try to keep some celery stix in the fridge, in cold water, to munch on whenever I feel stressed.

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That sounds like a good idea, but I hate celery!

I only had 3 cigarettes today and I've been up since 6:00 AM.

I will give it up, it won't be very hard for me.

Right now my goal is to try and have the Most productive Session with the counseler, our first visit is in mid-september.

I am trying to figure what is my number 1 issue, and then I Will make sure that's what we will be talking about in the first session.

I am well aware that the first session you hardly get anything out of it. When you have a problem like this, it would take hours and hours to get the whole story out.

H will be meeting me at the MC office from his work. I'm actually glad it worked out that way, so we will have separate cars. Nothing is worse than "on the way back home car fight"

If it doesn't go well, I'm not too worried that he'll be all mad for the rest of the day, he'll be back at work and have plenty of time to cool down.


Me: BS-37
WH: 39
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Hey there OW!!! Just have one quick question............ You can't be for real, You post in the language of a bunch of middle schoolers!

Anyone else notice that? Get with the program and post like an adult.


Me: BS-37
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Hurt: His ACTIONS were not YOURS ever to control nor to own the consequences of. The cloak of reponsibility is his in every manner to wear and hopefully choke himself with.
 Quote:
Bottom line he was gonna cheat.

True.

No one single individual has CONTROL over another. No matter how perfect nor beauitful you may be...,if it IS in it for himher to cheat...HE WILL. END OF STORY.

 Quote:
This is a MARRIAGE BUILDING site. It is not a place for OWs/OMs to try and school those here that have been devastated by adultery. Hearing the interloper's side of the story is NOT helpful to the goal of MARRIAGE BUILDING.

Respectfully...I must disagree.

It HURTS....it shines a cruel light where we may not wish to look at our own failings. { assuming that those failings exist!!!}

I refer...to our sometimes screwed up radar when it comes to mate selection.

As much as one may despise to words of the OW....they DO hold some terrible pearls of truth. THAT's what HURTS!!!!

...rant and rave at her is pointless. Discovered that a LOOOOONG time ago...there will always be those without a moral compass to appease the selfishness of a wayward spouse. Nothing you can ever do about that.

Please hurtmomof2...TRY to stand outside of your roiling rage of emotions...and LOOK at what you married. Some times...it is not pretty at all.

Forgive yourself FIRST...for making a poor choice in him...then decide what YOU want. BE completely selfish about it. You are worth that.

*Marriage* is beautiful...but it is NOT marriage when your mate is sticking the knife into your Kidneys and turning the blade for greater effect.

Use you ANGER, it is a most powerful tool. Use it wisely. Slip your own surgically guided knife in for greatest effect based on knowledge. More importantly...on what YOU want.

1. Rebuild the Marriage
2. Cut him loose.

Currently...either course is a path of pain for the present.
Wishing you Serenity from a place of cold Logic.

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I don't think the OW's opinion is needed to shine the cruel light of truth.

First of all - they don't have the truth.

Second of all - to pay attention to their opinion at all is like listening to the Devil and believing there is any marriage building credibility there at all.

Got it - OW GO AWAY! And Take Your Cruelty WITH YOU!


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Quote:This is a MARRIAGE BUILDING site. It is not a place for OWs/OMs to try and school those here that have been devastated by adultery. Hearing the interloper's side of the story is NOT helpful to the goal of MARRIAGE BUILDING.

'SoulDragoN'says:
"Respectfully...I must disagree.
It HURTS....it shines a cruel light where we may not wish to look at our own failings. { assuming that those failings exist!!!}
I refer...to our sometimes screwed up radar when it comes to mate selection.
As much as one may despise to words of the OW....they DO hold some terrible pearls of truth. THAT's what HURTS!!!!
...rant and rave at her is pointless. Discovered that a LOOOOONG time ago...there will always be those without a moral compass to appease the selfishness of a wayward spouse. Nothing you can ever do about that."

SoulDragoN you don't have a clue IMHO.
The OW doesn't either.
There is obviously something majorly screwed up with your own radar. The OW don't have any "pearls of truth" that the BW needs to be listening to. LISTENING to the OW is pointless. It is totally illogical to give any credence to what the OW, who are indeed without a moral compass, and who will appease the selfishness of a wayward spouse (PLUS their own selfishness), might say to a BW.

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If you had read any of my poats, I already have a plan of action.

I think you went a little overboard on trashing my H. Yes, he did what he did, and it was wrong. This will follow us around for a very long time.

The best thing I can to right now for me and my children, is to keep myself together and go see the marriage counselor.

I can't be mad every single minute of the day, that would be very unhealthy for any relationship. If I stay calm, my kids will stay calm.........they are the most important in this situation.

Yes, I am very angry and hurt. At this point fighting with H is pointless. I will work through this with profesional help.


Me: BS-37
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Being a WS does not make a person a lousy choice for a spouse. He once was a good H to hurtmom and he CAN once again become a good spouse. He lost his moral compass. I once did the same. I worked hard at changing and making ammends, so too can her H.

Not sure what your agenda is dragonsoul but it sure doesn't appear to be marriage building. It seems to be "kick em to the curb" mentality.


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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 Quote:
SoulDragoN you don't have a clue IMHO.
The OW doesn't either.
There is obviously something majorly screwed up with your own radar. The OW don't have any "pearls of truth" that the BW needs to be listening to. LISTENING to the OW is pointless. It is totally illogical to give any credence to what the OW, who are indeed without a moral compass, and who will appease the selfishness of a wayward spouse (PLUS their own selfishness), might say to a BW.


...guessing your radar was better than mine?
IME....The ONLY person you will EVER have CONTROL over is YOURSELF.

NOT the OW, not my DH....they/he will do whatever they want and justify it any which way they want.

My husband doesn't cheat...but he did on his ex...so?
I don't cheat.

The selfishness of ONE becomes the destruction of TWO.
There are no winners.

...but MAYBE you can rebuild from the fires...it's a long hard road...and painful.

I'm walking it...but with somewhat different scars.

 Quote:
Yes, I am very angry and hurt. At this point fighting with H is pointless. I will work through this with profesional help.


I have found that to be very helpful.
 Quote:

Not sure what your agenda is dragonsoul but it sure doesn't appear to be marriage building. It seems to be "kick em to the curb" mentality.

Hardly....or I would not be working on my own marriage. Although....have been told...LEAVE. <--Easy way out...and in some cases, a real alternative. One cannot FIX a marriage alone. Both parties must OWN their crap.

Personal Accountability...is Brutal.

Last edited by SoulDragoN; 08/31/08 10:33 AM.
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Listening to an OW spew fogbabble is about as worthwhile as listening to the drunken rantings of a falling down drunk. [drunks typically have much more sophisticated bs too] A drunk only knows how to get himself stinking drunk, something a monkey can do.

By the same token, fogbabble from an adulterer has no value whatsoever and most posters are savvy enough to recognize it for the worthless methane gas it is.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Just to chime in with a little "pearl of truth" here.

It is probably more true that a wayward would have had an affair with an OP - almost any OP - because conditions were ripe in the marriage or conditions were such in the external relationship at work with that person that the affair developed.

It really is not "truth" that the OP is so very special. In fact, that is actually the FANTASY, not the reality or truth at all.

So the OW really has no "pearls" to offer. What she "knows" might be related to events that occurred during the affair, things the wayward husband might have done or said, money spent, dates/times, etc.

As for his emotional status or thoughts, the "truth" is that what he showed to the OP was a facade, what he was trying on for size, what he was role-playing. The OW did not see real-life, she saw only short glimpses of what the WH was willing to offer her. He shined up for her, put on a show, and lied to her about most things, in order to make that fantasy version of what he was thinking about be there.

Most of what he was thinking about?

Himself.


So what that OW "knows"?


Not so much value there after all.


SB


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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 Originally Posted By: SoulDragoN
My husband doesn't cheat...but he did on his ex...so?
I don't cheat.


Interesting wording...

Did your husband cheat on his ex with single you, SoulDragoN?

That would shed some light on your bizarre posts around here...

Your thinking that the words of an OW have "pearls of truth"...(laughable )

Your believing that snooping to find out the truth about your own life is somehow dishonorable...(AS IF! )

Yes, you being an OW yourself would certainly fit with those major misconceptions...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Thanks for sticking up for me faithful! I appreciate it. This soul dragon person seems like a real *edit*.

Everything she posted was negative. I think I smell a rat!

Last edited by c00per; 08/31/08 06:24 PM. Reason: name calling

Me: BS-37
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SoulDragoN:

Active OW and OM advice or "pearls of truth" have zero worth on this site. They see things from nothing but a dishonest and distorted point of view. When it comes to MARRIAGE BUILDING, their words and ideas have no value for the folks who represent the very persons they're out to destroy and replace, innocent BS & their children.

IMVHO, you should spend some time reading and learning Harleys (owner of this privately owned site) concepts and principles before offering any advice to folks in such devistating circumstance.

Stay, read, learn.

Jo

p.s. Nearly the entire MB membership is keenly aware of where they can go on the Internet IF they wanted to read active OW/OM evil plotting and planning to steal anothers spouse. We don't need or want it here.

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