W and I went to the movies last night and after went to get a bite to eat. In the movies we held hands a little and walking to the restaurant and back to her apartment we did too.<P>But something is wrong. I was apprehensive all day yesterday. Nothing happened to dipel it last nite.<P>At the restaurant she said that no matter what happens please let her decorate the house for Christmas. So it sounds like she is not planning on coming home anytime soon.<BR>She also said she has been thinking alot and wondered why we married. She said maybe it was because I was the first one that asked her.<P>She asked why I married her since we are such opposites. I told her that opposites attract, but she said we are totally opposites.<P>After we got back to her apt. she turned on the tv and flicked thru the stations. I gave her a neck rub till she asked me to stop. We started watching a movie and she became engrossed in it, sitting with her back turned toward me and not hearing me when I said a couple little things.<P>Then at 11:00 pm she said she was tired and wanted to go to sleep, so I left.<P>I came home and read for a while, then tried to sleep. I must have woken up every hour on the hour. I feel like crap already today.<P>We supposed to take the kids to a Halloween farm this morning as she has to work the rest of the weekend. I guess thast will be fun for the kids.<P><BR>She had told me Wed that we should lay off the physical stuff till we figure things out. I just wanted to make love to her last nite so badly. I guess I should have told her. There goes my bad communication skills, but I'm trying to avoid causing her any bad feelings and I don't want to be rejected either.<P>It all so confusing. I feel like I have to do everything to win her back. I read in somebody's post about their spouse that came back and how loving and affectionate they were. My w has shown none of that. She is still impatient and gets angry quick and gets bossy telling me about making the kids more responsible for things around the house. That from someone who left her responsibilities.<P>Our date last nite reminded me of some old blind dates where the was the required handholding, but as the nite wore on you wanted out. She also gave me the prerequist kiss goodnight. <P>This is not at all what I expected. Am I expecting too much?<BR> Sorry for rambling but I had to get this off my chest .

Hi RWD...<P>That behavior your W is displaying sounds similar to how my H behaved on Valentine's Day. I felt like we were dating for the 1st time and the date didn't work out....meaning there would be no 2nd date. It was a weird feeling. However, little did I know, at that time, he had a mistress on the side. He couldn't be with her because he was with me, but had flowers sent to her on that day. Obviously, she was on his mind....YUCK!<P>Do you think that maybe your W is thinking about OM or has seen him? Or, maybe she is going through withdrawal? That's the only thing I can think of at the moment.<P>I hope she will change her behavior soon. I'm sorry that this is confusing you and that it is the pits for the moment. Please hang in there. I'm sure that it's just part of the sucky process...<P>p.s. I was reading your profile and it said that your W moved in with a married man. Is she still living with him?<p>[This message has been edited by NoTrust (edited October 16, 1999).]

RWD, you're just going to have to be patient. Don't take anything she says too seriously. My W said a lot of things that never came true. Especially when it comes to time lines. My w wanted six months but she was on her way back in three. They put up this tough front but inside is just one big denial. Sonner or later it cannot be contained anymore and it comes out. <BR>Everyone is opposite to some degree. She is just trying to justify what she did by using that as an excuse. <BR>About the physical stuff. Agree with her but do not turn her down. If you think she wants to, at least ask. It may be that she is subconcously ashamed of what she did and is afraid to make the first move.<BR>After all, she was out with you. <BR>During this phase, I spent as much time as I could with the kids. It made it a whole lot better.<BR>Take Care.

Hi RWD -<P>Yes, I think that you could lower your expectations a little....<P>You've got a good opportunity here to make some major love deposits by concentrating on teaching the children more responsibility....<P>She suggested it for a reason and I think that if you value her and what she has to say....your acting on her suggestions will speak volumes to her. It will definitely show her that you listened and respected her opinion.<P>So, never mind the thinking so much on the dates and focusing so hard on how far you two will get and how fast or slow it's going....put some effort into being the H she wants and the H that you can be.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

No Trust<BR>Om dumped her at work on 9-19 and moved out the following day. She still sees him at work and they still have financial arranments to work out(they opened joint checking and credit cards and have outstanding bills).<P>I'm pretty sure she is over him in that all she was doing was bad mouthing him calling him a weasel and a pathological liar. She probably still has some feelings for him though I would imagine.<P>Fighter,<BR>I have spoken with her counselor and that is what he has told me that she is ashamed of what she has done. She also told me the same thing and thats why she gets quiet and looks away alot.<P>Sheba,<BR>I have always respected her and her opinons but didn't always let her know that.<BR>I guess I want to see her working on our marriage too. As I said before, I feel almost like I had the affair and am doing everything to win her back as if I'm guilty.<P>I guess I just have to relocate my patience as I'm usually a pretty patient person.<P>Thanks for your replies!

RWD, this will take all+ of your patience.<BR>When she vents about the OM, it is the form of anger that keeps the guilt away. Ask her if she said the same things about you to him and tell her that it was her decision. Not to lovebust but to take the focus off of the anger for him and and put it back on you two. Don't let her get away with putting this off. Hold her accountable for it. It will make for a quicker recovery.