The word ”closure” is sometimes used on this pages.
When it is used it is nearly always used by a WS. I have sometimes wandered if there is a section in the Wayward handbook that says something like:

“Closure” a useful term if the A have been discovered. If used properly a skilled WS can gain acceptance from the BS for one or several additional meetings with the OP to achieve “closure”.



I believe that when The Harleys stress the importance of the NC letter rather then the NC meeting or the NC telephone call that is for very real cause.



How many of the FWS’s who had a last meeting with the OP promised their OP to never to forget him/her? How many promised to always keep him/her in their hearth? How many wished him/her forever a happy life? How many gave the impression by words and half-spoken statements that staying with the BS was a sacrifice, in order to do “the right thing” or “for the sake of the children”?
It seems important to many WS’s to give a “feel good” farewell to the OP. Unless there is such a “feel good” farewell there is no “closure”. In many of these so called NC last meetings the observed loyalty of the WS is to the OP. And then they return to their BS: “That was that, I will never meet him/her again.”
“Closure?”


Let us assume that the person they were about to meet had an other role. Would they have said the same “feel good” statements if they spoke to their W’s rapist? Or the person who went after their H with a knife?
What is then different with the OP who made love to the S of the BS? One should then expect the same consideration? Apparently not!



“Closure” ???

As a recovering alcoholic, I can recognize the RUSE of "closure." It is in the same category as the "TAPERING" method, used by many alcoholics to get permission to continue drinking. [many non-alcoholics fall for this too]

An alcoholic who is really serious about stopping, STOPS, he doesn't go have another drink. Similarly, when one really wants to CLOSE something, they CLOSE IT, they don't continue contact. Ain't it clever how that logic works?


You are so very RIGHT about that wayward handbook. "Closure" and "tapering" are on the same page, I believe.

What is really scary is that so many non-wayward minded people fall for this kind of stuff.

Excellent points, Frank! Closure is so often just another selfish game. Thanks for a thought-provoking analogy.

Frank,

Closure is supposed to look like this:

From Dr H:


All Blessings,
Jerry

I don't understand people's need for "Closure". I think it's often an attempt to keep contact going or to give the other person one more chance to change their mind (get back in the relationship).

Well Frank,

You have described my FWS's 'closure' to a T!

It wasn't closure. It took a bit longer than that for NC. :RollieEyes:

It was what it was.I listened to the OP messages about how my H would 'always have a place in her heart blahblahblah' And she still wanted contact and kept contact until I had a fit and he FINALLY quit for good.

Took about 6 months for my FWS to see the light, it kept those ohsowonderful/OPwasohsowonderful feelings for OP so much longer, so to speak, cause he got that 'in person' farewell. And that hurt A LOT.

And it took a LOT longer for me to recover. It really was the hardest thing to overcome.

This was all before I had MB. Sigh.

The NC letter is an absolute must.

Thanks for your thread.

Love in Christ,
Miss M