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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 4
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My husband and I have worked through a lot and that main problem being his last ex-girlfriend, Amanda. She recently came back up. My husband and I have had problems. We were married this June on our 2nd anniversary. My stepfather whom I was very close to passed away a week later. So we were/are in a lot of stress over that. About 2 weeks ago my husband started talking to Amanda again through a work related thing. He needed her info for a background check to become a police officer. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with it he told me to trust him. Unfortunatly that was my first mistake. He left that weekend to pick up our son from his mothers. He went and spent the day with her where they told each other that they still had feelings for each other. He comes home and tells me he still has feelings for her but he wants to work us out. The next day he tells me he isn't sure and that he did see her. I left and told him to call me when he decided what he wanted. He talked to his mom (who had been helping us) and then called me and said he want me home and that he almost made a mistake. A few days later he asked me if he could write her asking for some music. His mom told me to see the email but I decided to trust him. After a few days I had a feeling and checked it. He asked her for music and also a head to toe picture of her because he couldn't get her out of his head and wanted to draw her. I confronted him a minute later (more like freaked out) in the car, we were out and about. He pulled over. I said he didn't love me anymore and he said he did and I told him he had to choose between us and he said he wanted me and that there would be no more contact between them.

I still don't feel resolved and he doesn't really acknowledge it as if it is resolved. But its not and I am really hurting. I am not sure what to do next.

Last edited by LindseyMS; 09/03/08 11:45 PM.
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I would say do nothing but keep a watchful eye.

Quote
He left that weekend to pick up our son from his mothers

You have a family to protect that includes a child the two of you made together. DON'T LET HIM LIE TO YOU OR DO SOMETHING ON HIS OWN HOOK THAT YOU OPPOSE. Call his hand on that one. Partners should NEVER do what he did.

This is a prime example why people shouldn't go ALONE to a high school reunion. Old flames get rekindled, uh, for a short while anyway.

Larry

Last edited by _Larry_; 09/04/08 11:31 AM.
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Watch him. Be sure to send a NC letter so she can't claim she didn't know or some BS. If this is a near miss there are still issues that need to be addressed or your husband's head wouldn't have been turned. Discuss your EN and expectations with him before you find yourself in a more dire situation.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
Joined: Nov 2002
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Lindsey,

He needs to declare NC with Amanda. That means a NC letter that you agree with. Then he needs to cut off all communication with her. He doesn't need to use her as a reference for being a police officer, remover her from the application and replace her with someone else.

He had an EA. I think contact with past GF or W is a big mess waiting to happen. They had connections with that person in the past and the psyche messes with you, IMO.

You have every right to expect that he cut off contact and he needs to be accountable. You need to have ways to check up on him, even if that means a keylogger on your computer, etc.

Good luck!


BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36

6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
Joined: Sep 2008
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Thank you everyone. I have been having a real problem with all this. There is just so much going through my head. Would anyone suggest both going to counseling or would only me going be good?


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