After I discovered last year my husband had a sexual online affair, I became a marriage builder follower.
I agree about the kind of marriage Dr. Harley describes; as the one I would love to have, nevertheless, because I was trying to apply the "surviving an affair" I delayed one more year of my life denying my husband has a sexual addiction. :RollieEyes:
I know Dr. Harley talks about "lovers" as an addiction, but that description fells short if is the case of a sexual addict. When a man is a sex addict, no real woman would ever be able to meet his sexual needs. Because his sexual needs are insane, cause are based in unreality, fantasy. 
He will blame in his wife even if she is trying to meet his needs, he would deny his problem as not being able to be emotionally intimate.
The intimacy is the main distortion they have and perceive just by sex motivated by lust.
I tried to do all what was suggested to survive an affair, which I still believe is a great method for couples except for those struggling with sexual addictions.
A sexual addict uses others women to feed his addiction. It is not about emotional needs not being met, this is something quiet different.
Part of the problem is that an addict always is looking for the perfect woman, internet is the perfect frame to hide that lie. The perfect virtual lover that will do anything to please him not matter what, that never gets tired, never gets older, always enjoys anything he does as the girls in porn movies.
For a sex addict it is not a craving for sex it is a sick unsatisfiable lust. The following link go to the sex anonymous website, they explain much better about it.
http://www.sa.org/problem.php The POJA is wonderful, but a sex addict, won't give it up that easily, the pathological lies are the policies that rules his behavior.
All the acting out of the addict, should not be confused with a husband that has not sexual fulfillment with his wife, cause in the case of a sex addict, even if she is trying her best he won't be satisfied. She can't not try to learn to be like the other lovers,
cause in this addiction, the lovers are fake women performing for porn, or women available in chat to play sexual games with married men. The lover is not a real person, even if she is a person in the other side of the screen, is not for real.
Beware a woman married with a sex addict, is not responsible for his sexual disorder.
I read a great book that describes so accurate the damage sex addiction cause to a marriage, to the capability of a man to develop intimacy with a woman,
"An affair of the mind"I learned something different, that all the inspired ideas about marriages cannot be applied to a marriage with a sex addict.
I am not blaming on Doctor Harley, I admire his wisdom, and I wish I have that kind of marriage.
After trying all what I could to do as was suggested, with out having any luck, still my husband was having another new online affair, emailing with another women from another continent, they both will write and make phone calls pretending to have sex while they masturbated. This married woman was pregnant and had an affair with my husband for the whole pregnancy. Never were in person all was unreal, but yet so destructive to both families.
He got so insane that was talking about getting divorce at the same time he was telling me he loved me so much.
He wasn't him self.
We lived a nightmare, and with God's help I got to the S-Anon program.
This is the link for the recovery of family or friends living with sex addicts.
http://www.sanon.org/SANON.HTMThere I learned about my husband addiction being a disease, I realized he needed help from an addiction recovery program.
I received help attending the S-Anon recovery meetings, and later on my husband started attending the Sex Addict Recovery Program.
Why I am writing about all this? Because I know there are others couples struggling with the same kind of addictions, and I am sure there are out there others women looking for ways to please their men as I was looking, and nothing seemed to be enough, or could be also a man married with a sex addict woman as the last online lover my husband had.
I wasn't able to see what the real problem was.
:twobyfour: That kind of disease can't be fixed with the POJA, as a drug addict can't overcome his addiction following the POJA and save his marriage.
I wish a segment can be added on this website about sexual addictions.
I didn't know about it, and I thought it must be that I wasn't meeting his needs as he needed to be met. He used the sexual fulfillment idea to push me even more, and to justify his acting out, his betrayal. We both were wrong.
It is going to take years of recovery and treatment to clean up my husband mind from all the distorted ideas he got by the exposure to pornography. Years of his adult time to learn about real intimacy, about real woman, and real needs.
I am sure there are many others that are at time to save their marriage, wit the right source to fix the problem, if happen that one of the spouse is a sex addict.
That is the reason I am sharing what happened to me, cause I wish nobody has to pass for the same that I had to, because of my ignorance about sexual addictions.
Thanks for reading this, I am sorry for the defects on my writing it was so hard to sum up 3 years of marriage in this space.
