I don't think so. It'd be like trying to describe what a banana tastes like to someone who never had one.

My wife and I were just planning our work schedule tomorrow. I generally work from home. She just started working from home temporarly. I told her I would be in the office tomorrow. She then said she would have her boss stop by to sign some paperwork rather than her traveling to the undersized temporary office to have that done. Mind you, she had sex with a different boss.

Why would she even consider having him come by?

I told her I was uncomfortable with that course of action. I did not have to say why. She immediately apologized and made other arrangements. She has been 100% transparent for two years now so I know there was no motive. I guess she just forgot.

If the thought of her and her boss alone in my house could immediately get my heart racing, how is it that it would never cross her mind?

I believe that a good part is due to the fact that the FWS has no comprehension of the pain they have caused.

Any thoughts?

Pain is relative to the person effected, you can NEVER feel someone elses pain.

You can understand it yes but if it is not your pain it is not relative to your thinking.

So the reason you wife finds it not a big deal. People generally care about things that are important to them. Her boss coming to your house is important to you, to her it is work therefore unimportant.

I think the best explaination that I read about equated a WW to a rape. Most men couldn't imagine the feeling of being raped but women can. I would explain that her wanting a guy to come over would be like you bringing someone who raped her into the house.

IAM,

Let me give you my scenerio in my FWW's thinking one year after DDay.

Most of her A with with her former boss took place on his boat at the marina. A very large boat I might add.

One year later, my wife was in a different job with a new boss, and this would be about 2 mos after DDay. Her new boss asked her out onto his boat. She actually asked how I would feel about that and if I had a problem with it??

Sometimes it takes quite a while before they really "get it."

All Blessings,
Jerry

I don't think they ever get it. They may think they do, but they don't.

With the RA, they get a good idea of what its like, TRUST ME!

Yes! I do get it.

I take it that your spouse never put any EP's (extraordinary precautions--the first step in MB) into place?

An obvious one would have been "I will not be alone with someone of the opposite sex."

Oh they are in place. This was a quick, unthinking, off the cuff remark. I think it just proves how they will never understand.

I don't think a BS fully understands the he ll a fully repentant FWS goes through either.

Amen to that!!

Thanks for the reminder. I forget about the guilt my WW must put on herself every so often.

I can only imagine. They have to accept all the burden as it was their choice to cause all the harm.

Self-inflicted pain, I'm sure, is different.

Hear, hear

However, no-one should belittle another's pain. It is hard to truly 'feel' another's pain. As long as it's not "my pain is bigger than your pain". My H was hurt beyond belief by me and when I think of what I have put him through, I am sick to my stomach. We get it, we really do, if we are repentant. I got forgiveness and love beyond measure back and am taking steps everyday so that that pain doesn't get 'fed' and dies.

I felt my H's pain. I go out of my way not to do or say anything that would cause him pain. I never want him to feel unsafe or unloved again.

I STILL account for all my time. I don't indulge in any independent behaviour. Some of my (girl) friends have asked me if I'm going to live like that the rest of my life. They don't understand. They suggest girls' weekends away and say "I'm controlled" because I say I would never go with them. I tell them it's because I WANT to make sure my H is always feeling safe. I tell them that he would probably say "go" and that I say no because I DON'T want to go. I feel no resentment at all. I just want my H to feel safe and to trust me. I would rather spend the time with him anyway.

Thank you BK

Yes we do feel 'pain' just as much. When we come out of it so to say we have guilt, we have to fix something that 'we' broke. We hurt and wonder day to day if it will be a good day or a bad day. Just like BS's do.

HERE IS HOPING THAT YOU CHEATERS ALL FEEL PAIN, PAIN, PAIN WAYYYY MORE PAIN THAN YOU INFLICTED ON THE FIRST PLACE TO YOUR NON CHEATING SPOUSES.

YOU CHEATERS DESERVE NOTHING BUT PAIN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES FOR WHAT YOU DID.

Interesting response. My H isn't you (thank the Lord) and is only interested in our happy marriage. He certainly does NOT want me to suffer for the rest of my life.

Neither do my adult kids.

We are a family. A happy, contented family. Silly me, I thought that was what MB was all about. Building happy marriages and happy families. So shoot me, that's what we've got.

Wooww!!

I really pray that God would give you the peace, forgiveness and the healing of your soul.

IFP

"We are a family. A happy, contented family."

Are you a cheater? Why did you hurt your husband that way?

And, yes, MB is about saving families.

But yet I belive these cheaters should hurt like they have hurt others. Why minimize a BS's pain. I have seen what it does, not to me, what it does to others. And it is heinous for a person to cheat on someone they professed to love forever.