I learned to forgive simply by praying for it EVERYDAY.

It came on God's time... not mine.

My unwillingness to forgive only damaged me. It's like letting someone live in your head, rent free.

Yes, I think there must be a way to FORGIVE but not FORGET.....and for me to quit being MAD about the issues....!

I'm the BW and my WXH was a serial adulterer so my perspective may not be typical.

My WXH wouldn't have cared if I cheated (and in fact the one brief RA I had he said he "didn't care" about but he did add it to his list of justifications for his adulteries).

I'm not sure how he will react when I meet and marry my next husband. He may pretend he's some sort of heartbroken victim and that my getting involved with future husband is what broke up our marriage/family (he and his sycophantish supporters aren't much into reality so the fact that his adultery with OW, and his insistance on divorce is what broke up our marriage/family won't stop them from pretending that any future husband I might meet is to blame.

He might finally (um too late) realize what he's done and regret it.

He might act as if he really doesn't care... whatever.

I think since WS's put so much effort into degrading their BS in order to justify the adultery and to pretend the OP is better than the BS, they probably don't worry too much about the BS getting involved with an OP. My WXH said things to me like: "no man would want you". (I still sometimes wish I had responded that he probably had no idea what a MAN would want LOL but I was trying to Plan A at the time and didn't want to LB.)

Stella, it is one thing to feel triggered by childhood trauma, but it is another entirely to feel outrage at injustice. DECENT PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL OUTRAGE AT INJUSTICE. That is a sign of a conscience and moral decency and EMPATHY and compassion for others.

That being said, it is not JUST to lump reformed cheaters into the same category as active cheaters. REFORMED CHEATERS have been forgiven and have taken steps to redeem themselves. I think your thread title lashed out at some very good people who didnt deserve it. Most of our resident WS' are FORMER WS, after all.

On the other hand, Stella, I am right there with you with my ANGER at the cruelty of current adultery. We are angry because WE ARE DECENT. The day I stop feeling ANGER at injustice is the day my conscience is dead and the devil has WON.