The "cry" of the loser. When you can't debate a position based on its merit/facts...well, discredit the poster.

Frankly, ANY parent that puts their children's safety ...as well as their own...does not deserve respect...they deserve a swift kick in the pants and a visit from child services to move their children to a place where their safety can be assured.

LB --

He prevented me from getting my coat and shoes. I was not, absolutely not, going to stay inside on a Christmas Eve while he yelled at me. I was not scared. I was furious!

That's part of deciding I am not going to be treated badly anymore. Period.

A long time ago, I decided that if you are forced to choose between dignity and your marriage and you choose your marriage, you will lose both.

Now that I have chosen my dignity, I hope my marriage could recover. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I'll still have my dignity.

Cherished

medc, the way you described how your XW got out of hand with you, others on your thread questioned you at the time about whether you had made the right choices for your situation, too. I think we do the best we know how, and when we know better, we do better. I think a lot of us benefit from the accountability on the board.

i agree, the difference is, she is not my partner...nor does she reside here. No one can prevent a person from acting out at times...but they can choose to get their children out of harms way.
My ex has not had opportunity to act that way since then. Also, we are talking about the difference between a slap or nails getting dug into an arm versus a broken arm and forehead. I am capable of defending myself should the situation ever arise again...and I am capable of keeping her away.

If Cherish's husband hit her...or abused her...and he was removed from the situation, I would support her. As it stands, she sleeps with the enemy.

My ex, even though she has exceptionally limited access was given two choices...a restraining order or working with an abuse specialist. If she were living here, she would have to go until she demonstrated for a very long period that she has indeed changed.

Cherished, I feel that because of your husband's 30+ years of abuse as a husband, you should leave him today.

SO WHAT IF HE DID NOT ABUSE YOU OR THE CHILDREN FOR THE LAST "13 OR SO" DAYS!!!!!!

Would 13 lousy days of NON-ABUSE keep you living with that monster????

LEAVE HIM NOW!

Did you know that the police could get your coat and shoes? All you would need to do is tell them that you need to leave due to his yelling and he was preventing you from getting them. No charges, no report, no anything.....I think they call it Welfare Check or something like that.

Plus, the odds would go up that he wouldn't prevent you from getting what you need the next time you found it necessary to get away from him or his yelling....since the police would just get your stuff for you.

It doesn't have to be All or Nothing, like either put him in jail or just endure whatever he subjects you to. You can ask for exactly the help that you need when you need it....like getting your coat and shoes for you.

The POLICE should NOT be called for that! It is NOT a legitimate call and a waste of an officers time.

A welfare check is checking on the well being of a person that has not been heard from by friends or family.

Cherished, you might want to check with your local police department....where I live it is considered to be a legitimate reason to call the police and is not considered to be a waste of time. The police advise this call to be made as do attorneys and the prosecutor.

medc, sorry that my guess on the terminology might be wrong....maybe it's Citizen Assistance?

The name of the call doesn't matter, really....what matters is whether or not her local police department provides assistance and protection before it becomes necessary to "carry the bodies of the abused" as you call it.

Getting someones shoes and socks after an argument is NOT the job of the police...ANYWHERE. Police and prosecutors do not advise someone to make the call based on what you said. They would advise them to come to the house to get a persons belongings if they are moving out...and in need of protection. But to be called for the reason you stated is beyond ridiculous(my husband was yelling and I need my shoes...sure lady, we'll be right over). Providing assistance and protection have NOTHING to do with a person getting shoes and a coat after an argument...if the person is going back inside. Geez.

I must be living on MARS, but how would a little yelling prevent a person from getting their shoes? I am not getting that. Are women really that weak?

MEDC, do women really call the police because someone is yelling at them??

Cherished ran from the house because she was afraid...understandable. Her going back in is NOT understandable.

She didn't want to wait and get her shoes. But the shockingly ridiculous part is that, she thinks this is enforcing boundaries...running and standing outside in bare feet.

Only dysfunctional ones.

I know that wouldn't stop me but I guess in the case of prior abuse, the yelling could be a signal (based on their history) that he's about to blow.

Exactly, she was smart to leave...not so smart to go back when it appeared as though her abuser was fine. I am wondering if she took the kids outside with her as well. If not, she left them in there with the abuser.

Mel, we had a lot of stupid calls.

Termites
Rat in the basement
Heater not working
Can't get my car started
My husband yelled at me


real emergency chit.

I agree. Could also be that this "yelling" was sugarcoated by Cherished and it was actually a lot more than that.

Charlotte

medc, you are mistaken. There are a lot of states, counties, and cities in the US and maybe they don't all do things the same way?

I guess that I took for granted that I live in a place where abuse is taken seriously enough to not require people to either put themselves in harm's way trying to get their shoes, purse, medicine, whatever, or to stand out in the cold after leaving a situation before it escalates further.

Cherished, check with your local police department to see what they advise in that situation.

Charlotte and PM, what would you do if your H was beating you up and yelling at you?

not enough beef in my pepper steak
bad grades on a report card
car parked in "my spot" on a public street
they moved my trash cans
lawn mower clippings on my sidewalk

blah, blah, blah...