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Stopping doing the wrong doesn't make the wrong go away. Doesn't make it a "Former" wrong. There are specific steps to recovery you are no where near taking.
You spout justifications like a true wayward and wrap it in the righteous indignation of a betrayed.
Take a time out, ponder, and read some more wayward stuff - because you're spouting it all over the place.
Integrity in a construction job means "Sound" or "Whole" - it will not fall down.
You fell down! Yes, you fell once. But you used another human being. You took that which is meant to MEAN SOMETHING - a connection. You USED HER. For revenge? To boost your flailing manhood? To know someone WANTS you THAT way? You sooth over the pain - unbelievable pain of betrayal? Yes, Yes Yes. But you still USED someone. And you have no remorse! You'd do it again. You've said as much. You believe it brought your wife around. Perhaps, but you couldn't have known that going in.
I care enough to keep this in front of you Introvert. You deserve to be whole again. Your anger toward your wife is unbalanced, because you seem to subconsciously blame her for your acting against your values. Until you face that she had nothing to do with your cheating. That it was entirely independent - yes, I said ENTIRELY independent of her cheating - because your marriage could have just deteriorated to that point of emotional divorce without her cheating too - You can't know for sure that you wouldn't have eventually cheated anyway - because you have it in you to break with your values when you hurt badly enough...
You deserve to be whole. You deserve to have a great marriage. But the anger and resentment you demonstrate to this day toward your wife tells me a lot about what may yet turn out to be a destroyed marriage. Walk away, if you can't let it go. If you can't feel enough sorrow compared to justification and rationalization, walk away from the marriage. It's toxic to you.
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Everyone has their core values. People's values change with time.
Yes a person has integrity when they make choices based on their core values at that time.
But how can a blanket statement be made where acting on integrity is to be made only on one persons values.
Then a rapist has integrity.
A murderer too.
Does not the bank robber and embezzeler then deserve to also be admired for their interigty?
After all they are operating from their core values.
What about the WS? Hey it's their core values. Go WS Go!
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.... it's a compliment  you're welcome ..... 
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Integrity is the concept of basing of one's actions on an internally consistent framework of principles. Depth of principles and adherence of each level to the next are key factors. One is said to have integrity to the extent that everything one does is derived from the same core set of values. While those values may change, their consistency with each other and with the one's actions determine the degree of integrity. integrity can be expressed as personal honesty: acting according to one's beliefs and values at all times. The term can emphasize the "wholeness" or "intactness" of a moral stance or attitude (harking back wittingly or unwittingly to the etymological parallels of the word in the Latin intactus, meaning "untouched"). Relevant views of wholeness may also emphasize commitment and sincerity. Structural integrity in engineering is derived from this concept. "Integrity" Doing the right thing even when no one is watching. Integrity can be seen as a virtue in that accountability and moral responsibility are necessary tools for maintaining consistency between one's actions and one's principles, methods and measures, especially when an expected result appears incongruent with observed outcome. Again, from wikipedia. Just so we know what integrity IS.  Miss M
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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Hi Introvert... I read this on another board that I read and thought you might like to read it... To me it reads like an excellent description of Mr. W...He handles all in his life this way, including my affair - I remain in awe of him...He ACTS, he doesn't REACT... Give your wife something to be in awe of you about...Own completely your wrong actions...Never let the word "but" enter into the description of what you did... See what you think... Best, Mrs. W When Is A Boy A Man?
by Dr. Richard Brannon
Dear Jim,
People get funny ideas about what a man is. Some think that a man is a creature who wears breeches, talks and drinks big, cusses, chews tobacco, looks tough, and will take any date offered. Having this view, many boys try to be a man by doing these things.
Well, Jim, it's not this which makes a man. I know some men who do these things as a cover-up for their immaturity.
"When is a boy a man?" Is this your question? Let me try to tell you.
A boy is a man when he can control his emotions. Pouting, temper tantrums, and demands for recognition are childish ways of behaving. No person is grown who can't steer his emotional powers in creative channels.
A boy is a man when he can earn a living, then live within his income. This means that he's big enough to have money without spending it. He can wait for some things.
Furthermore, a man can do things he doesn't especially like to do. Making himself study, or doing a job which he may not enjoy, are marks of maturity.
A boy is a man when he can listen and think before he speaks or acts. Childish people go off half-cocked. They jump to conclusions, usually the wrong ones.
Manhood isn't reached until a person can accept abuse from others without hitting back. Jim, this is the hardest. More people have failed to grow up in this respect than in any other way.
A boy is a man when he can admit that he was wrong and change direction. Never confuse determination with stubborness. Flexibility is seldom found in a pompous person. Strutting and stubborn actions are childish.
A person hasn't reached maturity who fails to keep his commitments. Living up to our engagements is a small matter which makes a person big. Making promises is fine. Life is built on it. After the promise, follow through!
A boy is a man when he can have responsibility without throwing his weight around. A bully isn't a man. He may be a child with a big body.
A boy is a man when he can make unpopular decisions. Taking the road of least resistance is the way of children. A man makes hard decisions, based on principle, not applause.
And, Jim, it's Christ, you know, who makes the difference, and He can give you a strength of manliness that you couldn't have in any other way.
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Intro, I started this thread and it certainly wasn't started as an "Intro bashing" thread.
I don't think it serves any purpose to keep :twobyfour: you and I'd really like to see everyone move on to your recovery with KMS.
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Jen...
I can't speak for everyone else, but I certainly wasn't "bashing" intro...You know when I look back at my old stuff I don't feel "bashed" either...I feel GRATEFUL that people took their time to tell me what I needed to hear (not what I wanted to hear)...I think everyone on this thread wishes for Intro to have a great recovery, which is why they have spoken up...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I think everyone on this thread wishes for Intro to have a great recovery, which is why they have spoken up... Ah, YUP!
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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 Point taken everyone. 
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Okay....you guys got me.
I'm currently a WH...screwing everything in town...every single day.
Nice work...you got me. :RollieEyes:
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Okay....you guys got me.
I'm currently a WH...screwing everything in town...every single day.
Nice work...you got me. :RollieEyes: reach deeper into yourself - you can do better than this
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Okay....you guys got me.
I'm currently a WH...screwing everything in town...every single day.
Nice work...you got me. :RollieEyes: can you possibly get any more dramatic.
Last edited by medc; 09/06/08 09:28 PM.
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I'm going to post this again...Please read and consider it Intro... Mrs. W When Is A Boy A Man?
by Dr. Richard Brannon
Dear Jim,
People get funny ideas about what a man is. Some think that a man is a creature who wears breeches, talks and drinks big, cusses, chews tobacco, looks tough, and will take any date offered. Having this view, many boys try to be a man by doing these things.
Well, Jim, it's not this which makes a man. I know some men who do these things as a cover-up for their immaturity.
"When is a boy a man?" Is this your question? Let me try to tell you.
A boy is a man when he can control his emotions. Pouting, temper tantrums, and demands for recognition are childish ways of behaving. No person is grown who can't steer his emotional powers in creative channels.
A boy is a man when he can earn a living, then live within his income. This means that he's big enough to have money without spending it. He can wait for some things.
Furthermore, a man can do things he doesn't especially like to do. Making himself study, or doing a job which he may not enjoy, are marks of maturity.
A boy is a man when he can listen and think before he speaks or acts. Childish people go off half-cocked. They jump to conclusions, usually the wrong ones.
Manhood isn't reached until a person can accept abuse from others without hitting back. Jim, this is the hardest. More people have failed to grow up in this respect than in any other way.
A boy is a man when he can admit that he was wrong and change direction. Never confuse determination with stubborness. Flexibility is seldom found in a pompous person. Strutting and stubborn actions are childish.
A person hasn't reached maturity who fails to keep his commitments. Living up to our engagements is a small matter which makes a person big. Making promises is fine. Life is built on it. After the promise, follow through!
A boy is a man when he can have responsibility without throwing his weight around. A bully isn't a man. He may be a child with a big body.
A boy is a man when he can make unpopular decisions. Taking the road of least resistance is the way of children. A man makes hard decisions, based on principle, not applause.
And, Jim, it's Christ, you know, who makes the difference, and He can give you a strength of manliness that you couldn't have in any other way.
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Intro, see and hear the help that is being given to you.
ME BH 40 - FWW 39
Sons - 9 and 7
DDAY - March 18,2006
Married 10 years
Recovering
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What?
Isn't that what you guys wanted to hear?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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What?
Isn't that what you guys wanted to hear? what do you want to learn from this experience?
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Intro you and KMS have great potential. Everyone here wants to help and see you both recovered. We are listening, everyone is sharing what they view and feel about what took place.
Married 1996 4 wonderful children 16, 13 *OC*, 10, 7 FWW 30's FWH 30's My dday 1-2007 he came clean to me My story New beginings
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Intro - you don't get to know if your wife would have ended the affair or when had you not joined her in infidelity.
You sold out your integrity for someone without integrity and you can never get that back.
And you have no remorse about that.
All I'm doing is holding up the bill of sale you refuse to acknowledge - you are less than you could have been or once was. You chose out of pain and needs - and it's understandable - I've never said that it wasn't. But there are many betrayed husbands here who took the high ground. Several are divorced or divorcing. That's their way of coping, but they have their integrity.
There are some who's marriages have recovered and their wayward wives fully earning the "F" in front of WS. They didn't have to sell out their integrity either.
I wish so much that you could say the same. Good post KA, Intro I have a yes or no answer. I will refrain from throwing feces like a rabid monkey if i don't like your answer. This is a Y/N question. Do you wish you could go back and not have the RA, and instead have tried the MB way?
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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