I am new to the board, I didn't know where to turn. I am 24 and have been married for two years now. My husband and I were both raised in Christian homes and believe that marriage is a one time thing. I am now questioning if I should have ever married him, which is something I never thought would happen. Here is why, but I will give you a little history first. Soon after we started dating I found out he lied to me about quitting his tobacco chewing habit. He knew that was something I couldn't stand and it was his choice to quit, I didn't ask him to or tell him we would break up if he didn't. It was totally his choice. I discovered some chew in his truck when he went in to get gas when my cell phone slid between the seats and I went to dig it out. He tried to cover it up and lie about it and finally confessed and apologized. It was a big ordeal and we almost broke up over it. Honesty to me has always been #1 no matter how hurtful it could be, no body is perfect. The day before we left for our one year anniversary trip, three years after the incident, I found a bag on chew in the dryer. It had gone through the wash. He acted like it was no big deal and never apologized for it or talked to me about it. I was hurt that he had lied to me and hadn't cared enough about me to talk to me about it. I told him that all I wanted was for him to be honest with me and asked what I could do to help him get through the bad cravings. He really didn't give me any input. Well another year latter on his birthday I decided to clean out his truck and wash it for him. Part of me expected to find chew, but instead I find a porn video behind his seat. My husband has always been the straight laced type guy that you would take home to mom and dad. This was a shocker for me. When I confronted him about it he said it was given to him before we got married and he forgot it was in there. I didn't believe him and that's all he would tell me. I knew it wasn't there a couple of months ago when I went to get something out of the truck. Well, that was two weeks ago. It has really been bothering me a lot, so I asked him about it again a couple of nights ago. I knew he was hiding something about it so kept pushing the issue. He was avoiding it saying he told me where he had gotten it and that he didn't watch it. He said it was no big deal and said there was no reason to keep on with the subject. Well finally he admitted that he bought it at a video store, it was 30 something dollars, and had only watch part of it. I kept asking questions and he finally came clean about it all. He promised that was the only time he had ever seen any and he was just curious. Well, I was very upset that he had lied to me about that and asked him what else he had lied about. He said nothing. I expressed my concern that if he would lie about something that wasn't a big deal that he would lie about something that was a big deal. I also told him that I needed him to be honest with me no matter how hurtful the truth could be. I told him I couldn't take the lies when I have always been 100% honest with him. Well today I was going through our old bills and was putting them away and working on this years taxes. I discovered that he was rented two porn movies from our local cable company for 14 something and 12 something dollars. This was back in June. I took the invoices out to him and asked him if he wanted to say anything about that. He stared at it like he had no idea what I was talking about and I said did you rent those or do I need to call and take issue with the company. He said he guessed he did. I just looked at him and went inside. He doesn't seem to be able to quit lying to me about things. I am at a total loss of anything. I can't do this anymore. I don't know how to handle this at all. When there is something that bothers me he acts like nothing is wrong and it's like pulling teeth to talk to him. I don't feel like there is anything I can do....I am hurt...plus I feel like I am not enough for him...help!

I am no expert on this and I am actaully seeking help for some other issues in my marriage but I would like to offer the following.

Since you are a Chritian consider reading Sacred Marrige and combine that with the advice that you will get here.

I would recommend that you install the software contained on this site on the computer that he uses:

http://x3watch.com/

Of course you need to be honest and tell him about it. I think that you should approach him and discuss how his wathcing porno makes you feel. Ask him if he will be accountable to you in this area.

I wish you the best.

I feel like my husband is a stranger to me all of the sudden. The man I thought I knew so well just came in the house to get a drink of water. He, like usual, acted like nothing was wrong which gets to me. I asked him if it bothers him that he lied to me again. He said that he didn't. I reminded him that he told me that the other video was the only other one and he said he still hadn't figured that one out. When I asked him what he meant he said he didn't remember seeing or ordering them. I asked him if I was suppose to believe that and he said he didn't care. I then asked him if it bothered him that I felt like I couldn't trust a word he said. He said he didn't care if I did or not. This totally doesn't sound like the man I thought I knew....what has happened?

On the one hand, I sense that he feels like you're acting like his mother instead of his wife; thus the not admitting, trying to get out of it. Try finding another way to deal with this, perhaps counseling where you both can talk safely.

On the other hand, if he's changing all of a sudden, I would suspect either he's met someone he's been crushing on, he's done something with her (even if it's just emotional so far), or some other purpose is causing him to look beyond you.

The first thing I would recommend is reading the material here about Love Busters (LBs). Print out the questionnaire, ask him to fill it out with you, and find out what you do that he's not happy with. Then stop doing those things, or negotiate about them.

After you do that, come back and we'll work on more steps.